


if you must mourn, don't do it alone

by FrostedGemstones22



Series: how to save a life [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fix-It, Healing, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2018-12-07 15:53:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 64,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11626848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostedGemstones22/pseuds/FrostedGemstones22
Summary: Two people set out together, away from the rest of the world. One feels nothing at all, one feels everything far too much. There has to be a middle ground somewhere. Jactavia!centric, a healing fic and season4 fix-it fic. Background Bellarke.A fix-it fic of season4 that's Jasper and Octavia centric, because both of their storylines were awful and they both deserve something better and a little bit of happiness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have a lot of feelings about season 4 of the 100. In general, they're good. Better than they have been. But, there was definatly two things that just BOTHERED me and continued to bother me, and bothered me so much I felt as though I needed to write a story to correct them. Those two things were how both Octavia and Jasper's arcs were handled. Octavia, by the end, I was minimally okay with. Jasper though? I just can't forgive the show for butchering him, literally. The fact that we had a character with actual PTSD (and hell, I'm surprised everyone doesn't have it) that was hinted at getting better and then they just go off and kill him? Ignore him the entire season, give him only a couple minutes in HIS OWN DEATH EPISODE WHEN HE WAS A MAIN CHARACTER? Hardly talk about his death afterwards when, goddamit, it affected (or should have) EVERYONE left? It makes me so angry, so fucking angry.
> 
> And I've been a Jactavia shipper from the start. It was a relationship, even non romantic, the writers underutilized. Both actors commented about how they liked the relationship the two had and their hope it would be played up more. But they didn't even get a chance to talk in season 4, but you know what, I think if they had, both would have gone very different ways. And they wanted to kill Jasper, so nope, couldn't have that. This is me freaking fixing that, because it's a damn shame.
> 
> Originally, this was going to be a one-shot...and then a three-shot...and now it's a 10 chap story, completely finished. Basically, it begins somewhere mid season 4, and goes AU from certain events there. It takes 3 big events from the rest of season 4 and re-writes them in this universe.
> 
> The title is taken from the Keaton Henson song 'You'. If you're looking for a good song to go and cry with, lordy this is it. It has never not made me emotional. And while I don't think ALL of it fits perfectly to Jactavia's relationship, at least at the start, the one line I took from the title really outlines what I want from this fic. I did intend for them to go romantic, but really, it's a lot and mostly about mutual healing and just working through shit together and actually talking about it.
> 
> There's certain discrepancies from the show in this fic, the biggest being the timeline. They made everything happen in like, what, a month? Two months altogether? When ALLIE specifically said like 6 months, or just less than? Even if it was excelerating, I really thought that it would be almost at least 4 months from the start of season 4 to the end, which it wasn't, so I've fixed that.
> 
> Also, I'm not mad that Octavia felt too much and that's why she was killing, but from the moment I watched it I always thought it was because she wasn't feeling anything, so that's how I've written it.
> 
> Note, just a warning, this story talks a lot about suicide, so if that triggers you in anyway, best maybe not to read. No one huge, not Jasper, ever commits suicide, and it's all off screen, but I thought I should give everyone a fair warning.
> 
> This is very Octavia and Jasper centric, but not just in them getting together, but taking time to actually look at their characters and give them change. The first arc will be between both of them equally, the second arc is more Octavia's POV, and the third is mostly Jasper's.
> 
> There's other couples in this, mostly background. Bellarke, for one, because letsbehonest everyone knows they like each other. Monty/Harper is another, because it's Jasper's best bud. In this world, this AU, there's also a little Murven...although it's not talked about in this fic, but more on that much later.
> 
> This takes place roughly around 'A Lie Guarded'. Octavia is not almost killed by Echo, but she still is in her stabby mood and isn't too keen on returning anywhere she knows. I guess this sorta is like the trip Jasper took where Bellamy went with him, but more prolonged...and just with a different Blake...
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this first installment!

Jasper wasn't sure what it was, or what even brought it on, but one day he woke up and realized that this life was...suffocating.

Not even life itself, in the very general sense, because yes- he's known that for awhile.

No, no, it was the idea of this life he was living here, in the fallen Ark, and all just plastering grins on their faces and working like little bees and trying to act like the impending doom of the end of the world (the end of the world, yet again) was some faraway fairy tale.

And frankly, he couldn't stand that anymore.

So, he decided promptly to leave. He packed a small bag...not like he had anything worthy to bring that he wasn't wearing anyway. He almost left his goggles, sitting out. It was a moment of weakness when he snatched them from the dusty shelf he hadn't touched in what felt like eons. His goggles were Jasper from another time, a happier Jasper. Having them co-exist within this happy Jasper's life was cruel. But, he'd be remiss if he left them, so he did not.

And then, he walked out of the Ark.

He didn't make a big deal about it nor did he downplay his leaving. He just strut freely, a man with nothing to lose at this point. Because, honestly speaking, he didn't.

Some people stopped him, casting worrying looks. He kept his answers vague enough not to incite worry but full enough to ease the minds of those that took the effort to stop him.

Where are you going? "I'm going out exploring. There's so much of the world we haven't seen."

You're coming back, right? "Oh, sure. Just need a walk."

How long will you be gone? "Shouldn't be too long, I guess."

Don't you think working on readying the ark is more important? "Everyone needs a break sometime. And if we're going to be locked in the Ark for five years, don't we deserve a chance to explore the world before it's gone?"

What he didn't tell a single soul was that he was looking for a place to die.

Somewhere beautiful, somewhere ethereal, somewhere...just. Dying here, in the grimy interior of a place that had only condemned his as a criminal and then sent him down to death, seemed wrong. Jasper was nothing if he was not a romantic.

There was some small part of him that believed in the answers he'd given the people that had stopped him, and he was glad he hadn't run into Monty. Was it shitty to intend to go off to die without saying goodbye to your best friend? Undoubtedly. But Monty would try to stop him. And god, he couldn't have that. No, perhaps it would be better to slip away, become a memory.

He did want to look at this earth properly before his death. He'd dreamed about it for so many years, spent long nights staring out of the best window for a view on the Ark when he was in space, thinking and wondering about what this place could look like.

And he was here and he hardly had a chance to do so, not with trying to survive for so long. Now that survival was not imminent to him, it felt like a whole weight lifted off his chest. There was a lack of urgency to his mission, a casual sort of bubbling feeling filling his chest.

And yes, Earth was beautiful. This much was undeniable.

It was a couple clicks from Arkadia's walls when he heard the neighing of a horse. The shadowed figure of Octavia came into view. He gave her a little nod, walking past, taking nearly no more thought to her than anyone else. Until, that is, she swung Helios around and came up next to him.

He glanced up, noting in his mind the many knives strapped to her body. Ah, well, the talks of the assassin warrior hadn't escaped him. Skairipa. Sky-Ripper. Appropriate, he supposed. But, death had never looked good on Octavia.

"Camp is back thataway." Jasper said, clicking his tongue and using his thumb to point back the way he came.

"I know, what are you doing?" Octavia asked, keeping pace with him.

"I'm on a little walk, isn't it obvious?" He asked, deadpanned.

"To where?" She asked, narrowing her eyes. Jasper shrugged, mumbling something incoherent, hoping that Octavia would offer him the same grace she had since their almost-whatever it was they had; ignoring him.

"You really shouldn't be out alone. Acid rain, you know?" She said and Jasper suppressed a sigh. She was nearly as irritating as her elder brother.

"Why Octavia, I didn't think you cared," He said honestly, staring up at her.

"Jasper," She sounded frustrated, "What are you doing?"

"Going on a walk, I told you." Jasper drew out his 'o' in told. He knew Octavia was scrutinizing him, but kept his eyes firmly planted on the path ahead of him. She continued to walk alongside him for a little more before Jasper made a noise in the back of his throat.

"Really, camp is back there." He said meaningfully. Octavia narrowed her eyes.

"How do you know I'm going back to camp?" She asked, raising her chin.

"Because you were heading that way when I first passed you?" Jasper said, "Simple deductions, gettit."

"Maybe I'm going this way too," Octavia said airily, the steady tapping of Helio's horseshoes against the small pebbles in the ground keeping time, like a death march.

"Going this way 'too'. " Jasper repeated, "I don't even know what's out this way. I don't need you following me."

"I'm not following you. I'm heading this way as well." Octavia said as though it were actually true. Jasper considered it for a moment, before scowling.

"Fine, I'm going this way then," He said, suddenly veering off to the left. Octavia continued after him, "Ha! You are following me!" He challenged.

Octavia dismounted her horse, jumping down as though she'd done it a million times.

"Fine, whatever, you caught me." She put her hands on her hips, "Is it really so bad to have someone like me around?" She asked.

"What? A girl?" He frowned at her. Frankly, he didn't want anyone with him, gender aside.

"No, a protector." She said, patting him down on his sides, unannounced. He jumped away from her sudden touch, "As I thought, not a single weapon on you! Just because everyone is preoccupied about the end of the world doesn't mean it's not dangerous. Not just grounders, but do you even remember all those radioactive beasts we came across when we first landed? Trust me, they're still around," She showed a nasty and still healing wound on the inside of her wrist, something that looked like maybe a bear but much bigger.

"I don't want to be protected," He said lamely, "I don't need protecting," He mumbled, looking at the dirt. Especially since if certain death came his way, well, he wouldn't step out of it's way.

"Jasper," Her tone was soft, nearly apologetic, "Let me do this for you." She pleaded.

"For me?" He crossed his arms, "What do you mean, for me?"

"You dove in to same me that first day on earth. I'd be dead if I weren't for you. Let me return the favor."

Jasper dragged his hands down his face.

"O, I did that to try to get into your pants," He said bluntly, "No need to repay the favor." he said. He was done acting like things weren't as they were. Octavia didn't even seem rattled by his admittance.

"Fine, then do it as a favor to me," She countered. When Jasper gave her a confused look, she continued, "Since Lincoln's death, I've only been a harbinger of death. Let me save someone, for once. I actually like you, and that's saying a lot of anyone right now." She asked. Jasper opened his mouth to also tell her the truth about his little mission, but something in him failed him as he stared at her. Although her cheekbones jutted out more and she had mud smeared across her neck he couldn't stop seeing the fresh-faced young woman that he'd been so enthralled with from the first moment he saw her, years ago on the Ark.

"Okay," he whispered, "But I don't know when I'm coming back." He said, the most honest he could bring himself about his situation.

"That's okay." Octavia agreed, "I don't think i want to go back there right now either."

It was another two hours of silent walking in a direction away from the Ark and away from Polis and for sure away from Azgeda, but onto open plains, when Octavia spoke again.

"So...why aren't you working on the Ark?" She asked, "Fixing it and all?"

"Because why do so much work when it's just going to fail?" Jasper asked, chuckling, "Why not see these rolling hills and open plains and experience the annoyance of mosquitoes the size of your palm?" He asked, swatting one away. A look of horror crossed Octavia's face.

"You know something?" She asked.

"What? Well, not definitively. Just a feeling in my bones that we're not going to survive this." He said.

"Okay, Mr. Doom and Gloom." Octavia laughed, feeling more relaxed, "Why are you the only one saying this, then?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Everyone else is so into this work they haven't a chance to think about it." Jasper held up his fingers, "We survived so many impossible events; falling from space to a planet that was supposed to be filled with radiation, mutations of creatures and lack of food, surviving hostile grounders, Mount Weather, ALLIE," He put down a finger for each event, "That's five, Octavia, five. Not to mention all the little things. To think we'd be so lucky to survive a sixth?" Jasper gave a wry smile, "Call me a realist." He said with a hint of sadness. Just because he felt his time on earth was coming to an end didn't mean he wanted his friends to have to die too. That did fill him with sadness.

"You've never been a realist, Jasper," Octavia's voice was quiet, "You, out of everyone I know, has always been so…" Her fingers clenched, grasping for the words, "I don't know, you're just not a realist."

"Maybe I've become one." He shrugged, then found the courage to say her name, "After Maya...after Lincoln...wouldn't you?"

He could tell that saying Lincoln's name was a mistake, because Octavia's whole face clouded over with a mixture between rage and sadness and she took out one of her little knives and threw it behind her as hard as she could. As it turned out, it managed to stab the tail-end of a squirrel. Octavia grabbed her knife and stabbed the tree around it a few more times, until she was spent. Jasper, in that time, had used his foot to stop the little creature from scurrying away and waited until her knife was stuck in the tree and worked it out to kill the squirrel.

It was decided. He didn't feel like dying, not today, and therefore he'd need food. Dying...it just wasn't the right time. Jasper believed in right times for things.

Octavia stared at him, confused and in shock as he used the knife to start to skin the squirrel. He wasn't useless on Earth, despite how Octavia was looking at him. He could kill and cook an animal, thank you very much. He didn't know why it was so important for him to prove to her that he could do at least this.

"Dinner?" He offered with a slow grin, looking up at her. Octavia's face morphed from her look of unsureness to something that almost resembled a smile.

They traveled on the way they were going for two days without incident of any sort, emotional or physical. They discussed light, safe topics. Maya and death wasn't talked about, just as no one said Lincoln's name. One whole half of a day was spent scaling a cliff-side to reach a river that was perfectly teal-blue, and looked like an old photograph from a National Geographic Magazine that Jasper had seen once on the Ark.

When he brought it up, laying on a perfectly soft sand beach and dripping sweat, Octavia's whole face lit up.

"I saw that! It had pictures of snow leopards and volcanoes, didn't it?" She asked.

"Yeah," Jasper said, using his shirt to wipe away his perspiration, "How'd you see it? I mean, I know it made rounds to people-," For a second, Octavia's moodiness was forgotten, and her earnest tone surprised Jasper, although it was not unheard- she used to be like this. She just seemed more prone to a stoic personality of late.

"Bell," Octavia cut him off, excited and eyes shining, "Stars, I looked over that in forever. I mean it, days. I don't think got a chance to really look at that thing. Some part of me wished that I could keep it, if no one would notice it missing." She got a dreamy look on her face, "I haven't thought of that in a long time," She repeated, musing.

So, what they did spend their time talking about, because they did talk during those two days, was the Ark. It was something they had in common. Despite being down here for what felt like nearly a year, it wasn't something that had been talked about much. When they first arrived down, everyone was so excited to talk about everything else. After, there hadn't been long stretches of open space to discuss and reminisce.

Jasper talked about all the shit he and Monty got into. Octavia never laughed out loud, but she did smile at a lot of them or snort or snicker, and Jasper thought that to be a success in his book. She told him all about the things she heard through the vents, because under the floor was really in the vents and therefore Octavia was in a prime gossip location, but had no one to share it with. Her mom told her gossip was rude and Bell didn't ever want to talk with her about that, about people he didn't know or people he liked.

Jasper, however, was grinning ear to ear to hear about the sordid, juicy details between his former Ark-mates. And Octavia seemed a little like the girl he'd liked, as she brought herself back, fumbling over her words in a rush to get all of it out. There was a melancholy upon her smile, however. But still, Jasper wondered, maybe there was something to just talking, just having someone else listen to you that was so soothing, so reassuring. To speak and know that what you're saying, even if it was about how the lady who made bread burned her husband's eyebrows off in a fight-was making it through to someone else.

"Sometimes, I wish I was back on the Ark," Octavia said at the end of those two days, as dusk was beginning to spill over the horizon.

"What?" Jasper scoffed, "Did you spend your whole life in fear, under the floor?" He asked.

"If I was back there, I wouldn't know such heartache." She said simply, but it felt mechanical, like an answer repeated and practiced.

"You wouldn't know how to kill people, either." Jasper said, "Have I had a chance to tell you that you look badass?" He said. Octavia's fingers ran across her leather clothing, her many pointy weapons, and she shrugged.

"It's practical."

And that was the first indication of Octavia's feelings about anything unsafe, Jasper made a point to remember this.

Octavia couldn't pinpoint what made her turn Helios around to follow Jasper, or what had made her send him back to Arkadia with a note saying not to worry about her, she was going on an adventure with Jasper and would be back. She couldn't decide why she decided to write 'adventure' either, as though she was some child, some little girl living out an exciting and non-threatening dream in this world. In all likelihood, it would be dangerous. Wanting to protect him was true...Jasper was known to be accident prone and one of these times it truly would cost him his life.

Octavia wasn't ready to loose him. Maybe that's all this way, maybe that's how simple it was.

But she didn't think that was all of it. She'd been going back to Arkadia, grudgingly. It was nice to have an excuse to take off the other way with someone she did trust. One of the few. She didn't know how to explain this to him, that he was of everyone that existed in this world, maybe in a very select group of three or four people she felt at ease with.

At ease...such a quaint term, something so unappreciated. Especially in this life, of constant upheaval and worry. Since becoming the Skairipa, she couldn't remember a time she was at ease. She couldn't remember a time in her life, frankly, but something about Jasper- even with his Doom and Gloom outlook- made her feel inexplicably safe.

Which was ridiculous, because she was pretty sure he was trying to find ways to die.

Yeah, she knew. She wasn't an idiot and she was pretty good at reading people. Octavia was making it a mission to make sure he really knew what he was doing. But, somehow, since taking herself onto his journey, that hadn't been present in him.

At the end of their third day, the storms rolled in. THey found a small cave to shelter in. The previous few nights had been warm and humid, comfortable enough to fall asleep right on the ground. But tonight was different and as the thunderstorm raged on, a chill swept through the cave.

"It's not acid rain," Octavia let out a sigh of relief as a bit of the water flicked onto her skin and there was no sign of burning.

"How fortuitous." Jasper mumbled, munching on the handful of berries they'd found this morning. He had shown great skills in survival thus so far, so she figured he would have been able to survive even if she hadn't shown up, until he nearly ate a handful of poison berries. At first she thought maybe this was it, until she pointed the fact out to him, and he dropped them, cussing like a madman and stomping them into the ground. She'd almost giggled, but retained that feeling, and instead shown him a very similar looking berry that was not going to kill him, and he'd taken all they could find.

Now, he offered a handful to her, his eyes gazing past her to the storm outside. He just looked...natural.

"Here I thought you'd be disappointed," Octavia turned to him, ready to level with him. Jasper raised an eyebrow at her.

"Disappointed it's not death-causing rain? Weird that I'm not sad, sure." Jasper chuckled at her, shaking his head, smiling in such an ease she almost believed him. She could see how no one else saw the darkness in him, lurking beneath the surface, whispering to him. She could see how Monty and Bellamy and Clarke just pushed it aside because when he said things like this it was easy to believe his plans were just a trick of the eye to them.

Octavia wasn't satisfied, for his eyes traveled out to the rain, and she truly looked at his face, it had a hint of something, not completely uncaring. It was... longingly. She knew. She still wasn't sure how to deal with this information. She hadn't in the months before this come across a person where she wanted to keep them alive instead of keeping them dead. To say her world was flipped would be an understatement.

The thunder and lightning and persistent rain continued through the night, sending gusts of chilly air wrapping around their little cave, snuffing out the fire. She tossed and turned on her side of the fire, wishing she had Helio's saddle blanket. She usually used that on cold nights, but it was bulky and without a horse to carry it, it wasn't worth dragging behind her.

"Are you...cold?" Jasper's question came from the other side of the cave.

"You're awake," She said out loud, "Are you cold?" She asked back.

There was an awkward moment where neither of them talked. Then she heard Jasper mumble something to himself before getting up and crossing the cave. She stiffened when his arms slid around her stomach and she found herself pressed to his chest.

"We both know you'll never admit weakness," He mumbled, and it could have been a comment to her or an aside to himself, "Is this...okay?" He asked.

Octavia considered her question. A couple thoughts hit her.

First, that he was considerate enough to ask if this was okay. But how did she define okay? What was okay? Did she ever know what okay was?

Second was that no, this made her feel uncomfortable. If she was choosing this, she'd like to be the one in control, the 'big spoon' as it were.

But then she thought that maybe she was only uncomfortable because it had been so long since someone was touching her like this; a gentle touch. Friendly, even, not even necessarily romantic. A touch that wasn't death, that wasn't war, that wasn't pain. And it was uncomfortable because she realized how long it had been since she wanted this, that it felt so nice to be touched like this that her gut reaction that when things were good were to self-destruct.

Her fingers were clenched up near her chest and she felt Jasper's hands absently rub along her knuckles and her throat constricted. She was glad it was dark and that he couldn't see her face because she bit her lip so hard it broke skin and her eyes welled and she didn't want him to see how much this was affecting her.

"O? I can move back-," He began to detach himself when she said nothing.

"No," The forcefulness and sharpness surprised even her, "No, no...this is...good. This is okay."

Maybe this is what 'okay' and even a little better felt like, she considered. It reminded her of Lincoln and she didn't try to shove away her thoughts or shove away Jasper, but instead let herself be overcome by it all. Jasper's forehead found a place to rest right at the crook of her neck, his breath becoming steady as he started to drift into sleep, his fingers still absently making circles on the back of her hand.

It was warmer like this, she couldn't deny. The heat generated by both of them was a thousand times better than the numbing chill that was threatening to make her teeth chatter before, but there was something more, something not even...sexual or romantic, which is only ever how she might have viewed this before. Something just pure...safety. Protectiveness. She was supposed to be protecting him but here Jasper was again, the white knight that he didn't know he was, coming to her aid.

Strangely, she didn't hate it. She might kick in the balls of anyone else that tried to do this for her, but with Jasper, it felt natural. He wasn't looking for something from her, neither was she. They were friends, they always had been, and she was bound determined that they would be until his death. It was so rare, she mused, to find a friend on earth, a good one, that one should grasp those closely. She grabbed his hand that had been slung across her chest and pulled it close to her, locking their fingers together.

After that, there was a simplicity to their companionship. Instead of making everything more confusing, that night erased away any barriers between them. Their laughter and chatter was lighter, their stories more revealing (but, still certain topics they stayed away from) and even if they hadn't slept curled up into each other like that one night they no longer slept as far away from the other, but instead with only a foot or two between them.

Jasper realized, also, in this time he'd had multiple chances to kill himself, but hadn't. He'd found an excuse at every chance. It would have been so easy to just submerge himself in that water, the fast current, and let it sweep his battered body away. It would have only been a second to let himself take one step too far off that wide cliff and tumble forward. And the rain, had it been acid rain, would have been extremely painful but also something. Octavia was wrong; he hadn't been upset it wasn't. He was upset that she thought he'd be upset and the fact that he was relieved it wasn't. Another way out.

For a second, he considered maybe traveling with Octavia was holding him back, but that was dismissed almost in a violent sweeping motion. Person here or person not here, it didn't matter. If he was truly devoted to this, he'd make it happen. He could have offed himself inside the Ark, with all those people, in many easy ways too...but none of those felt right. Just like none of these did either.

The fact that nothing felt right was concerning him. He wondered if it ever would, or if his death would feel just as lackluster as moments in life had been.

But then...then, there were other moments.

They'd camped out near the sea, and there was something soothing about the crash of waves. He'd enjoyed his time on Luna's barge before everyone died, and he could tell Octavia was thrilled to be near the water too. It went without saying, but it reminded her of Lincoln and their plans. She smiled at it now, instead of crying.

There was a collection of large, smooth black stones leaning against one another that made a perfect sleeping pit for them, just big enough for two people to sprawl out, protected from wind and rain and easy to see if any attackers came their way.

They hadn't come across a single grounder in their journeys. Although most grounders were terrified of Octavia and she was a master at hiding and stalking, Jasper still thought it was odd and their luck wouldn't stay like this forever. And while protecting his own life didn't seem as inviting, protecting Octavia's was. Not that she needed it, but the thought he could just be standing there absolutely useless and she could get hurt did make him frown. Coming without a weapon, despite all his best laid plans, indeed was ill-thought out. He turned his gaze back to the horizon from trying to start a fire and his grin widened.

"Octavia!" He called, "Come here!"

Octavia nearly tripped over herself to come to Jasper, knives in her hands, poised. She'd taken off most of her armor. It had been a couple nights ago, oh maybe three or four, when she'd stopped pretending that it was comfortable to sleep in so much leather and stripped down to a pair of short-shorts and a sort of sports bra type thing. Jasper had admired her sculpted stomach once or twice, or admired her muscled arms, but he understood it was more for comfort. He wasn't looking at her or this trip in any sexual way, at least not right now.

"What? Where's the problem?" She asked.

"The...sunset…" Jasper trailed off, stiling a laugh at her 'war-face', "It's really pretty."

"Jasper, we've seen like a thousand sun-sets," Octavia growled, stuffing the knives back into her bra- which Jasper thought could not be comfortable.

"But look at this one," Jasper said, coming over and swinging his arm around her shoulds, pointing her in the right direction.

He could see Octavia's face, ready to argue with him or tease him, but her face slowly cooled into a look of awe.

"Oh," She whispered.

"Yeah, oh." Jasper nodded, and settled them into a sitting position. It was true, there had been many sunsets they'd enjoyed, Jasper mostly. But this one...this one took the cake. It was just so bright and there were so many colors. Jasper had a small thought that if Clarke were here she'd be jealous because she'd want all those colors to paint with. And there was nothing standing between them and this sunset; no trees, no mountains...just the endless ocean and the sun melting into the constant current.

At some point, Octavia leaned in, setting her head on his shoulder. He was brought back to Mount Weather, when they sat in the painting storage room and they both cried. He remembered how she'd comforted him, but after when he tried to comfort her at Arkadia about Lincoln she only lashed out.

Well, he didn't blame her. If someone had tried that so close after Maya's death, he'd be upset too.

"I yelled at you," Octavia whispered, and somehow it seemed they had come to the same thoughts, "You were just trying to help." She gave a long sigh. It was as close as she'd come in the time together, and days were becoming muddy it it seemed like it might have been close to two weeks, to talking about Lincoln. She wasn't angry, she just seemed pensive.

Jasper swallowed, unsure on what to say. He and Octavia...they always ended back together, in some way, in some form, friends or otherwise. Though their fling, however short, had fizzled out because of Lincoln and left with the question hanging in the air, he looked back and realized out of everyone, she was the only one who never treated him like he was ridiculous after Maya's death. And she always was friendly to him...possibly the only person she was friendly to.

As the sun's last rays were snuffed out and darkness fell, and the fire Jasper had set flickered and crackled, Jasper nudged Octavia off him.

"Remember in Mount Weather, way before all of that, when you told me the best way to kill someone?" He asked.

Octavia looked up at him, watching him brush off sand from his jeans.

"Yeah?"

"You know, it was such a simple command. So easy, so effortless. But I've never forgot it." He tapped his head, "Teach me more."

Octavia's face broke and she snorted behind her hand, "You're not serious."

"I totally am," Jasper said, clutching his heart in faux-offence, "C'mon, but seriously. Teach me how to be badass."

"You're already pretty bad-ass, Jasper." Octavia said, tilting her head, "I don't know many people that can make a bomb out of nothing."

"Raven can," Jasper dismissed with a snort.

"Or someone that can pull off as many pranks as you," She raised an eyebrow.

"Monty can...well, we're a team, but," He shook his hands, "Fight me." He said, getting into a stance. This just made Octavia laugh harder, "What?" He said, tensing his shoulders.

"You would die within an instant if you went up against someone like that," She said, making a motion with her finger to his entire body.

"It's not that bad…" Jasper muttered, and Octavia raised an eyebrow and shot out, knocking him onto his back in three seconds flat. He wheezed as his body hit the ground unexpectedly. He blinked, his vision coming back to see Octavia standing over him with an absolute shit-eating grin on her face.

"Told ya," She said, "Now, c'mon-," She said, offering her hand. Jasper reached up, and then trying to pull a fast one on her, started to drag her to the ground too. Whether or not she anticipated it, she was quick to respond and hand Jasper with his face to the sand and her straddling him in a time he didn't think possible.

"Oww," he groaned and Octavia's laughter vibrated through his body.  
"See?" he said, straining his head, "This is why you gotta teach me to fight. I'm useless."

"You really want to learn to fight?" Octavia seemed genuinely surprised by this, although there was a current of something else there, something he didn't understand.

"Yes." He said with a firm nod.

"Fine, get up. Seriously, no tricks." She said and he followed her instruction, "Now, this," She motioned to herself, "Didn't just happen overnight. Weeks and months of instruction."

"Well, it's not like we have a time-table to get back. Just before the end of the world, right?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I suppose." Octavia furrowed her eyebrows, "Fine...okay, first thing's first…"

By the time she announced it quits for that night, Jasper could already feel the tingling aches all over his body. He liked keeping fit on the Ark, to an extent, and he hadn't felt so pushed in a very long time. It was an ache of a familiar friend.

As they ate their dinner of some sort of half-land, half-beach creature Octavia had speared, she talked to him in Trigedasleng. It was quiet at first, she quietly mouthed the words of a song until it became a quiet whisper. Jasper had never thought the grounder's language to be particularly pleasing to the ear, but when Octavia said it, he picked up on the soft falls of the language, the little things.

"It was a lullaby Indra taught me," Octavia murmured, laying down on the sand, "Some of it is untranslatable to english, but that's what makes it beautiful. The translation she gave me doesn't have a true feeling of the weight of it." She said, turning to him, "It's about the agony a mother carries to love her children. I told Indra I wouldn't know what that really felt like, or how that I ever saw how it should have. My mom...I loved her, but it was hard for me to connect with her. And when she died, it was sad, but I spent so much time in the ground that I…" Octavia swallowed hard, "Indra told me it could work for a father too. It makes me think of Bell."

"He'd do anything for you," Jasper agreed.

"I fear I've left things on such bad terms with him. I blamed him for Lincoln's death," Octavia's face furrowed and her voice only hitched slightly.

"He knows you love him."

There was a moment of long silence before Jasper spoke, and Octavia's head spoke up to hear him say a string of words that also was not English.

He turned to her, grinning.

"What in the world was that?" She asked, shaking her head.

"Italian," He replied cheekily, "That meant 'you're beautiful, my dear'." He said and when he saw a blush creeping up Octavia's cheeks he felt his own face blush and hurried to add, "I learned it on the Ark, with Monty. I mean, it's a dead language now. We only learned pick-up lines to impress chicks, like that one."

"Oh!" Octavia said, nodding in understanding, "I mean, it did sound impressive. Did it work?"

"Can't say," Jasper sucked in through his teeth, "Not long after we had it down pat, we were sent off to the sky box." He said, making a wizzing sound and a motion with his hands forward.

He rolled over onto his stomach, "Did it work on you? Were you entranced?" Jasper questioned with a waggle of his eyebrows and a ridiculously low, sultry, joking voice.

"I dunno, what else you got?" Octavia asked, raising her chin and smirking.

"I don't know if you want to hear the others," Jasper winced, "That is the only PG one we knew…" He trailed off, coughing.

"Oh my god, like what?" She demanded, punching his shoulder.

"Oh, you know...one about slamming you up against the Ark wall and pleasuring you, another about taking you home and making you forget everything but my name…" He said, looking down and rubbing his neck, "I mean...they sound very romantic in Italian."

"I cannot believe that you were going to try to pick up girls like that! What if one actually knew what you two were saying?"

"Look, we were like 16 and incredibly horny." Jasper held up his hands, "And like I said, Italian is a dead language. We only took it as an extra to our courses and mostly we just looked up stuff on own own." He twisted off a leaf stem and threw it into the fire, "And all that and I'm still a virgin," He sighed.

Octavia nearly spit up part of her dinner, "But you and Maya-,"

"When the hell did we have time? We had just as much time as you and Lincoln did!"

"Well…" Octavia strung out the word and Jasper looked positively red in the face.

"Ah, hmm, good to know someone has their priorities in order." He slumped back on the sand, covering his face.

"Priorities?"

"I'm 18 so I'm still incredibly horny all the time, obviously." Jasper said, mumbling to the side, "Probably just like you are…" He trailed off.

"I just replace it with rage and killing," Octavia said and for a second Jasper didn't know how to interpret the comment until he turned and saw a smile on her face.

He gave a small grin in return. He was pleased that apparently nothing was off-bar for them. Apparently any topic wasn't too far, even Maya and Lincoln's names had been said and they were both still alive. And when Maya's name had been brought up it wasn't a sharp knife wound, but just a dull pain. He just...missed her. Didn't ache over her, but it was a sore spot, a soft fleshy cut on his side that only poked it when someone bothered it. Most of the time, he realized especially within two weeks, he didn't think about her too much anymore.

He wasn't sure if this was offending her memory of if she would have wanted him to move on.

Octavia was really quiet for a long time. "Once again, I'm really sorry about what I said. It was the same...Maya and Lincoln. You were trying to help and I didn't let you in, I didn't let anyone in."

"You're doing it now." Jasper pointed out, finishing off his dinner, "I think i'm going to hit the sack." He said, standing. Octavia nodded, and he went into their little rock safety space, curled up and chuckled. He whispered one of his dirtier Italian pick-up lines under his breath, a memory he hadn't thought about in ages. It was, in all, a good memory. And he realized he'd been enjoying his time with Octavia, greatly. But enjoying things and being happy were non synonymous, or so he tried to convince himself.

That night he dreamed of Maya. She held his hand, kissed his cheek, and told him to let her go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's smut in this chapter. If you're scrolling in the 'm' rated stories I'm sure this won't surprise you. It's defiantly worth the read tho, even if you're not a huge fan of smut, because what's going on during it are is very important to their characters. This mirror's Octavia's sex with Illian in the TV show, but personally I think handled better ;)

"I think we can make it." Octavia declared.

"When did you learn how to swim? You do remember I had to save you from that river monster," Jasper pointed out.

"I've improved since then!" Octavia said, "I'm just saying it's not that far and we have a boat."

"A boat with like six holes in it." Jasper snorted.

"Fine Mr. Scaredy-Pants," Octavia teased, climbing into the boat, "I'll row off by myself…"

"Uh, fine, no, make room, I'm getting in." Jasper declared, dropping their bags in the bottom of the sketchy looking canoe, which was quite literally 100 years old.

"I'm just saying I think we have a good chance there if no one's found this in 100 years," Octavia pointed out, grabbing an oar that looked like it had seen much better days.

"Or maybe the grounders are just more intelligent than we are and know a suicide mission when they see one."

Octavia almost said something to the effect of 'but you'd jump at that chance' but ignored it. It had been days since she'd seen any signs of him wanting to leave this world, leave her (an inner voice whispered), so she let it go. In all, he seemed...happier.

Jasper held onto the sides of the boat the whole time, looking pale. They reached their destination after just an hour, a little island Octavia had seen through her binoculars. Jasper stumbled out of the boat, retching on the rusty-colored rocks near the water.

"You're sea-sick?" Octavia said, "We lived in space! You didn't barf on the barge!"

"Yeah, well, that was stationary. And on the way over we were knocked out. And you didn't see it, but I totally barfed on the way down to earth," Jasper admitted, using the seawater to rinse out his mouth and coughing at the taste of salt.

"Well.." Octavia said, turning away from him, "We're here."

Jasper finished cleaning his face and stood by her. It seemed untouched. It was a very small island, really could only offer space for two people uncomfortably to live here. Grounders seemed to like to live together, they had yet to meet a hermit grounder. It was understandable why this wouldn't be ideal.

"A shed!" Octavia cried in triumph, "Come help me open this door," She said, tugging at it. The shed stood just up the hill, surrounded by growth. There were a myriad of plants and cobwebs all over it, ensuring no one had touched it in quite some time.

"You know, I bet you ten bucks we're going to find a gross radiated body in here." Jasper snickered, looking at her. Octavia just made a gagging noise in the back of her throat, rolling her eyes.

"Only men find that exciting."

The door opened with a lot of resistance, swinging back and hitting the side of the shed. Little critters scuttled as light was thrown into the one-room area.

"No dead body," Octavia said, coming inside, "See?"

"Darn," Jasper pouted.

It seemed like someone had set this up as a place to come for the end of the world, but never made it here. There were no signs of someone leaving in a hurry or any sign that it had been discovered at all since it's creation. There was a large wall of canned goods and other food made to last an apocalypse, along with a small kitchen area to one side. Jasper started opening cabinets and made a triumphant noise.

"He had a water filter, oh happy day." He said, pulling out a machine-looking thing, "Look! It even connects to the sink!" He turned the handle and after a moment of black goop gurling out, it was replaced with clean, pure water.

Octavia was inspecting the other side of the room. A shelf of books and board games and little trinkets. She picked up a picture frame to see a family of three; mom, dad, and a child no older than eight. There were sleeping bags and other things like that on the bottom shelf, which she took out and and fine layer of dust came with it.

"A bed…" Jasper practically moaned, flopping down on it. A dust layer floated off that too, and he began to cough violently.

"I think all this needs washing…" Octavia declared, shaking it out, "We might as well enjoy this place."

They spent the next half of the day taking out all the linens and washing them in the sea. Octavia had found some bars of soap and a washing board and they scrubbed away 100 years of dirt from the pillow cases, the comforters, and the sleeping bags.

"The bed's queen sized, you know," Jasper commented, "We don't have to fight over it and someone else on the floor. It's not huge, but-,"

"I can sleep in a bed with you, Jas. It's no different than being on the ground like a foot away." Octavia said. Since they had the soap now, and had found plastic zip-locked bags of clothing sets, they took the opportunity to wash their clothing too. The wife's bra didn't fit Octavia, but the underwear did, small miracles.

As they waited for their things to dry, they posited what this family was.

"The guy's name was Norman, unquestionable." Jasper announced, "And he was...he worked in a bank."

"And the wife was named Catherine, and she was a CEO of a company that produced…" Octavia thought for a second, tapping her chin, "Bottled water." There were many bottled waters in the cabin, Octavia thought maybe she got them from work.

"She wasn't a stay at home mom to little Helga?"

"That's an awful name, she was not named Helga," Octavia argued, "and hell no! I think she was the breadwinner for the family."

"Fine," Jasper sighed, "On both counts. Then what do yout think her name was?"

"Sylvia."

"That's just as bad. Sounds like a grandma." Jasper said, "Mhh...Laura. She looks like a Laura to me." They had the family photograph sitting between them, looking out at the view of the ocean and the land they'd come from.

"Laura's acceptable." Octavia agreed.

"Well...to Norman, Catherine, and Laura. Without them, we'd still be wandering the forest." He said, raising his water bottle to clink against Octavia's.

"To them," Octavia agreed softer.

"Did you ever think about running away from it all?" Jasper asked suddenly.

"Hmm?"

"Like...this?" He asked, turning to her, "Like we're doing?"

"Yeah, a lot." Octavia curled her legs up into her, "But it always came down to that it would be lonely. As much as maybe i thought I wanted to be alone, I think I would have realized I didn't want that after all."

"Maybe we can just stay here...until the end of the world. I mean, we have to get back to the Ark and all." Jasper said, using his toes to dig a hole in the sand.

"I thought you didn't believe we'd survive it?" Octavia said, turning to him fully.

"I…" Jasper said, frowning, as though he hadn't realized what he'd just said, snapping his jaw shut, "I mean, you do though. You believe we'll prevail. So you gotta back to Bell, because if I'm right then you'll want to say good-bye and even if I'm wrong you'll want to be with him for the next five years." He got quieter, "Not me."

"First off, I'm really touched you're thinking of me and Bellamy. Secondly, I want you there, Jasper. I want to be with my brother too, but I absolutely want to be with you. It's been proven over these weeks you are the only person I can stand for more than like twenty minuets. Without you, I'd go insane for five years." She said, then tilted her head, "But you can stay here, if you wanted, since you don't believe. You don't have to come back with me. I'm a big girl…"

"I have no doubt about that." Jasper said softly, "But I might as well. Leaving without saying goodbye to Monty was a mistake," He decided. Octavia liked him making these plans, future plans. It gave her hope.

They collected their clothing from the rocks they'd laid them out on. They put the sheets and pillows back on the bed and then the sleepings bags too. The bed was still surprisingly soft after 100 years and Octavia couldn't think of something more comfortable.

"If I could drag this mattress back to home I would," Octavia said as she curled up onto it, "Do you feel it, Jas?"

"Hell yeah, not even the beds on the Ark were this nice! The beds in Mount Weather likely were, but we just got the shitty ones." He said as an afterthought.

Octavia turned over, setting the family picture on the nightstand. She stared at them...they looked so happy? How did one get so happy? Or was it all for the camera? She felt a little weird sleeping in their bed, wearing their clothes, but they were long gone at this point.

They slept well.

The next three days on the island were something like a vacation-like trance. It was nice here; the sunsets were pretty, the air was warm enough to be comfortable but had a breeze that rippled over the water. They had clean water and cans of things they'd never tried before that were, surprisingly, not awful tasting. Octavia read and they played board games at night by the light of a can of fireflies they collected. They supplemented their meals with safe plants Octavia found on the island, the fish Jasper caught in the sea, and the birds Octavia arrowed down to practice using the bow and arrow she found in the floorboards. There were guns too, but they didn't touch those yet.

They made quiet aside plans about the journey back, once seriously considering how difficult it would be to transport this mattress back. But then Jasper pointed out that they couldn't split it in half and neither wanted to offer maybe they just sleep together back the Ark, so they let it go.

Three nights in, Octavia turned to tell Jasper good-night and found him deep in thought, whole face contorted into a frown. Today they'd been cleaning the fish together and Jasper had regaled Octavia with a story that Maya had told him and when he finished he'd seemed...in thought. She wasn't sure about what, though.

"Tavia?" Jasper whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Were you being honest when you said you wanted to spend the five years of the impending apocalypse with me? Not just with me, but with me?" He said, "God, that didn't make any sense…" he chuckled.

"I meant every word. Do I look like someone who doesn't mean what they say?" Octavia asked in a sharp tone, upset that he thought so lowly of himself.

"No, that's true." Jasper agreed with her, "But lately...I don't think anyone wants me around, you know? I'm getting over Maya's death, getting over being stabbed still...to some extent. I just keep remembering it, try as I might to forget it, it always comes back up. I try to be happy but it's just…" He gave a long sigh, "I can't explain it."

"PTSD," Octavia said, "I read about it in a book Bell gave me on disorders back on the Ark. They have a word for it here, on the earth. The grounders basically call it 'Stressed-Memory', although that's not a good way to describe it. It's common in the warriors of the grounders; being reminded of an event, feeling out of touch and all. Indra brought it up because she thought I might have it. Hell, maybe I do." Octavia gave an emotionless chuckle.

"Sounds about right," Jasper's tone was forced, and his smile didn't meet his eyes.

"Others don't understand because it didn't happen to them just because they didn't go through it. But just because you feel it and they don't doesn't make it any less valid. I see you, Jas. I understand." She said firmly, "I care for you." She admitted softly.

Jasper nodded, letting her words sink in. He leaned in, his lips a hairsbreadth away from hers.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked so softly the words almost didn't reach Octavia's lips. She gave a jerky nod, and he pressed himself forward, hands sliding up her neck to rest on her cheek and leaned in to kiss her.

"I care about you too." He whispered on the corner of her lips.

Outside, the rain began to pour. They could hear it clinking against the metal roof like little pits falling. Octavia raised her head and looked outside, wincing.

"It's acid rain. I can see the plastic we left outside melting…" She sighed.

Jasper looked up and around them, and Octavia did the same. She luckily saw no holes in the roof and saw no water leaking in. The relief was evident in Jasper's face when she turned back to him.

"Thank god we're safe here," He said, and she could tell he meant every word. The way his hands gripped on her face and on her side told her that he didn't intend to get up and walk out into that. She could practically feel how glad he was that they were here, protected.

For some undeniable reason, probably because so much of Octavia's life had been filled with not safe things, the idea that he was pleased at this and that they were indeed safe was one of the most attractive things Octavia could think of.

She leaned back in, grabbing Jasper's short hair and pulling him back toward her. She pulled him until he was on top of her and he got the memo fairly quickly. Their kisses went from gentle to heated pretty swiftly too, his hands on both sides of her face and Octavia's fingers sliding down his back.

"Say something dirty to me in Italian," She whispered in his ear, and then tugged his face down to her neck. Jasper sucked on a spot where her neck met her collarbone and she would have told him that for a virgin he was very good at this if she had the ability to peak at all. Jasper's lips traveled up to her ear and he said something- broke and throaty and rough- and she felt her hips buck into his.

"What...did that...mean?" She managed to ask, looking up at his endless brown eyes. Her fingers trailed underneath the shirt he wore to bed, slowly but surely, inch by inch working it off his body.

"You're a goddess that deserves to be ravished," He said with a self-satisfied grin. It wasn't the most naughty of his list, she'd heard more in the past couple days and there were ones that even made her ears go red- but this was just as much as an aphrodiastica as all those, all because she could tell it wasn't just a pick-up line but he meant what he was saying.

"Ravish me, then." She replied, tilting her head, and then pulled Jasper's shirt all the way off and threw off her bra to and said something in grounder that was much rougher, more of a command. And while Jasper didn't know the language, there was little way to mistake the intention of her words and he had a pretty good guess what it meant.

He sat back, straddling her hips, "You might have to help. I'm the one who doesn't know what he's doing here," He reminded her with a saucy smile.

"Oh, please. I've only had sex once before. Only once...if things had been different, if we'd had more time…"

Jasper's whole mood changed, "Hey," He reached out to grab her hand off his back, "if you don't want to, I won't...I'm not going to get mad at you. I know that it's still not long after his death and if you can't then I'm-,"

"No. The war is done, a warrior must let go of things they can't change. Lincoln is dead. And I'm alive. So I must act accordingly on what I feel. And I feel this." She admitted, looking up at him. He had no idea the weight of those words, "Maya…?" She asked quietly.

"I had a dream a while ago, where she told me to move on, to remember her but to love again. I thought maybe it was just me wanting her to say that, but I also don't think she'd be as petty to want me sad forever over her."

Octavia bit her lip, nodding, "So...we're in agreement. We won't regret it, we're both fine. We're doing this?"

"Oh, hell yeah," Jasper said, once he got the go-ahead, licking down her chest until he reached her breasts, swirling his tounge across the nipple. Octavia moaned, and not to be outdone, reached down to feel his hardening length, rubbing it through the thin layer of the sports shorts he wore, no boxers underneath.

He glanced up, raising an eyebrow as a challenge as he slowly slipped her shorts and her underwear off all at once. His fingers slid around her, just enough to drive her crazy, and she was adamant not to beg but her body betrayed her as she felt her hips bucking up to try to try to create more friction between his fingers and herself.

"Jasper," She panted, "Do you not know what to do or are you just truly cruel?" She demanded angrily, wiping away a bead of sweat from her forehead.

"I said I was a virgin, I never said I hadn't gotten around to a couple things. Girls were very," He nearly entered her but pulled his fingers away at the last second, "Appreciative after I blew up the bridge. I was a hero, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, but I swear to God, Jas- Oh!" In the middle of giving him her most threatening look, which must have worked, he slipped two fingers into her while also rubbing her clit in tantalizingly slow circles. The combination of the swiftness of his fingers and the slowness of his thumb was overwhelming. It wasn't long before she bit her lip and threw her head back, all the while Jasper's tongue flicking on her bare, salty skin.

After she finished, she shoved herself to a half-sitting position, promptly yanking down his boxers.

"Not fair at all, Jordan, not fair." She said. She went to dip her head down, but Jasper stopped her.

"Another time," He swallowed thickly, "I want to have sex," He said bluntly. Octavia nodded. She thought about his words for a moment. Next time. To indicate this wasn't a one-night stand, or that it would continue. She didn't see it like that, not in her mind. She hadn't seen Lincoln as a one-night stand obviously either, but time didn't permit for more. And they already admitted the cared about each other, so it wasn't a friends with benefits situation either. She could see this being a recurring thing past just something to release endorphins. She didn't know what, but she was open to it.

"Although," Jasper continued, "I'm sure your wicked good at it."

"Well, actually, apparently we're rather well matched. Up until tonight, I'd only ever had sex. Never been fingered, never given a blow job, never been eaten out. It seems you've done those things before." She said, "We're both experiencing new things," She said.

"Well but sex is obviously better than all those things," Jasper rolled his eyes, then winced, "So I hope."

"It is." She assured with an anxious nod. She pulled Jasper on top of her, using one hand to kiss him hard and the other to grasp onto his member and lead it.

"Wait!" She realized, pulling away.

"What?" Jasper's tone of irritation tried not to slip in, but she heard it. Inches away from sex, yeah, she'd be annoyed too but this was too important.

"Do we have...did you…" She looked up at the ceiling giving a long sigh, "Babies."

Understanding dawned over Jasper's face.

"With Lincoln he gave me some tea and apparently it worked because I'm not pregnant but we don't have any of that and-,"

"Hey, it's fine," Jasper said quietly, taking her hand that had been on his head and guiding it up his muscles until they reached a point- his hand over hers- right on the top of his arm. He pressed her fingers down lightly and she felt a small, nearly missable, lump there, "The chip. Got it on the Ark, a year or so before I was thrown in the SkyBox. It's good for another year." He said grinning, "We're fine."

"Oh, whew! I mean, I was so horney I was going to be really tempted to just chance it."

"Well, now you know how to check." He said.

Octavia gave him a strange look, "But I know you have it," She tilted her head, "Who else from the Ark do you think i'm gunna be fucking, Jared?" She asked.

"I didn't mean to imply," He backtracked, face glowing, "Just...in case you...fall into the situation."

"Fall into, sure." Octavia looked at him unconvinced, "I don't want any of them, you know?"

Jasper almost said something, but didn't. Octavia still knew what it was though, what he didn't say. I wouldn't have thought you'd wanted me. But she'd wanted him once before, even if that lifetime seemed so long ago, so why was it so crazy for him to believe?

"Jasper, please," She whispered softly, bringing his face back to hers, "I'm here now, aren't I?" He gave a sharp nod, knitting his eyebrows. There was a pause, though.

Octavia groaned, looking at him imploringly.

He broke out into a grin, "Waiting for something else to stop us; another dying question, mosquito attacks, the end of the world come early…"

"Oh for god's sake-," Octavia rolled her eyes, sliding under him and pulling him down and into her. She stiffened; it had been a very long time since her first tryst with Lincoln and she hadn't had time to attend to herself during her time as an assassin. She was sore from lack of use.

"God, did I hurt you?" Jasper asked, afraid.

"No, no just...mhh," Octavia licked her lips, nodding, "Okay, good now...go." She said.

What Jasper lacked in experience he made up for in almost violent enthusiasm. And although he wasn't a large as Lincoln had been, she'd heard John Mbge say at the Dropship a long time ago it wasn't about the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean. At the time, she had stared at him uncomprehending, feeling like a child again and having Bell fumble awkwardly through the 'sex talk' with her.

She understood now.

And maybe she didn't have a very wide range to compare things to, since she'd only done it twice and with two very different people, but she enjoyed this. Lincoln had wanted to not hurt her...it had been sweet, exactly the way she hoped her first time would have been. She was still aware that others were wary of him, and he didn't want anything to ruin whatever chance he had with her, so he treated her like a butterfly.

Jasper did not, after Octavia's very vocal encouragement.

This was pretty much how she had wanted her second time to go, and she was not disappointed. And her third time, if she was being honest with how this night went down.

She learned Jasper was a cuddler, which she could have made a very good guess from that moment in the cave. Afterwards, both still stark naked and having pushed the sheets off from the heat, they lay panting. Instead of Octavia just accepting her seemingly inevitable role as little spoon, she turned into him to press her head against his beating heart, a movement that anyone would tell her was a sign of her trust and vulnerability around him. Jasper, out of practiced movement, kissed the top of her head briefly, his arms tightening around her. He wasn't an Adonis by any standard, but he was fit like most people down here were and it was the perfect size just to envelope Octavia completely.

"Was that what you hoped it was?" She asked, fingers tracing grounder words on his chest.

"Fuck yeah," Jasper laughed above her, "Was it good for you?" He asked, his voice suddenly quiet and full of worry. Of course he'd be nervous, Octavia had expressed she'd enjoyed her first time and he was likely wondering how someone could live up to the person she'd thought was the love of her life.

"Well, if we wanted to repeat that, I wouldn't say no," Octavia said, but Jasper didn't un-tesne above her. She realized that Jasper needed words, needed concreteness. She pushed herself away, just enough so she could see his face.

"Jasper, I liked it. I really, really liked it. I came three times. Wanna know a secret? I only came once with Lincoln." She didn't add that maybe if they had more time, she probably could have, but Lincoln didn't seem like he was ready to do other things with her as Jasper had been.

To convince him just a little more, she leaned up to kiss him. Not a passionate kiss, not a chaste kiss, but one that was actually...loving. Something gifted, something pure. A kiss that was so much more than what that single, four-letter word was.

Jasper even seemed a little shocked by it, since their kisses had either been to confirm what they thought would be happening tonight or to fuel their flames. It was something she hadn't foreseen either.

"Oh," Jasper whispered, as though that changed everything. It sorta did.

She wasn't in love with him, not yet, but she could see the path a little more clearly now. If she were the Octavia she was before, she'd find some excuse to go the the little bathroom and pull away, wait till he slept and then maybe even have the gall to leave. That would have been the Octavia that he met on that first day on the road, the one that joined on this journey with him.  
That wasn't Octavia now, not only because she knew that it would devastate Jasper but also because she didn't want to. She wanted to stay here, curled up in his arms.

"Then that's what we'll do." Jasper said and she snapped her head up, "O...your face is a book. I know you considered fleeing for a second, but then I also know you decided you didn't want to. So we'll stay here…" His words were groggy with sleep, and she wondered if he'd recall this in the morning.

She'd just have to see, seeing as though she'd definitely be here for that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, they had sex. And Jasper's PTSD isn't totally cured, as it can't be cured so easily, but now that he just has SOMEONE around, suicide seems less and less something he wants.
> 
> If you like the cover, there's a much better version of it on my art/story tumblr, youngbloodlex22. Check it out, and I'll be posting all my stories from here on out there as well as any art or storyboarding relating to them!
> 
> And please, pretty please, if you like this story, review/kudo it! I'm honestly curious to see how many of us (jactavia shippers) are out there :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for it being a day late, but I'm in the middle of trying to move. If ya'll have ever tried to move before, you probably get it...but I have insomnia...so here you all go XD

Jasper woke before Octavia, strange observation number one. Number two was that she was still naked in bed. The reminder that he had sex wasn't forgotten, because Jasper was pretty sure he even dreamed about it, but it was that Octavia hadn't bothered to put anything back on. She looked so different, devoid of all of her heavy leather. She didn't even have any weapons on her; the nearest was just a hairsbreadth away from her finger tips.

And something in Jasper warmed. He wasn't sure of much of anything but he knew that he liked this. He wanted more of this...whatever this was.

He remembered that they'd come across coconut trees yesterday, but had passed on trying to climb to get fruit since it seemed a storm was coming in. He'd heard from books that coconuts had sweet milk inside of it and even sweeter meat. He grabbed one of Octavia's many knives from her pile on the floor and went out to find the tree.

It wasn't hard to find; the Island itself had been completely combed by them at this point. It did take some exertion to get up the tree though, the knife clenched between his teeth and a pair of boxers the only thing keeping his skin away from the pointy bark. But when he did, the view was great.

He experimentally tried hacking the knife across a stem to get the nearest coconut down. It hardly did anything, other than slipped and nicked across his palm. Jasper hissed, wincing, using his mouth to suck on the coppery liquid and using the thumb of his other hand to put pressure on it.

Damn, that really hurt.

Something dawned on him as he sat there in his tree, the knife dug into the tree. This would be a perfect time to die. Or, it should have been. At the start of all this, when he was so actively looking for 'the right time', this would have been it. He'd been fed, he had a place to sleep that wasn't the ground, and he'd just had sex. If the world was going to end he might as well go while he was ahead, eh?

And there were so many ways he could do it now; stab himself, walk into that water and let himself bleed out and breath in the salty water, fall from this tree...and so many of them would have worked if it weren't for something stronger than anything else he'd felt before holding him back.

Contentedness.

But then he had to wonder, is this as good as it's ever going to get? What if that night with Octavia and everything leading up to it was the highest point he had, and everything else would be shit? What if there was nothing good after today? What if offing himself now would really be the best choice?

He realized he was still nursing his wound, which more clearly than anything else, told him quite a lot. Mostly that maybe he wasn't so sure about dying anymore because-

"Jasper? Jasper!" Octavia's frantic voice nearly made him lose his balance, "Oh thank god there you are!" She seemed completely unhinged, and she wiped tears away from her eyes with the back of her hand.

"O, hey, I'm just-,"

"No, you need to listen to me! I know what you're going to do and I will not let you die, Jasper Jordan!"

Her words sorta took the wind right from him.

"What?"

"The knife, it's gone. And don't tell me that's what you've been waiting for this entire time but you can't. You can't and I'm not going to let you." She said firmly, shaking her head, her whole body shaking.

A whole slew of emotions slammed into Jasper all at once. There was shock that she had been able to guess what he might have done, had all of the things that had happened hadn't. He felt anger for her thinking that's what he was going to do- even if it would have been, weeks ago. He felt angry at himself for getting angry over this. He felt indignation. He felt betrayed, cheated, taunted. He felt it all.

He threw the knife down first, sliding down the tree. It burned where he went too fast and didn't move his hands quite enough, but he hardly felt it.

He stalked up to her, unsure about what he was going to say, but he had words to say. That is, until Octavia continued, just in her bra and short panties staring at him with a sense of urgency.

"I know that you don't feel much of anything but really-,"

Jasper's laugh was harsh, tinged with something that was almost crying. Octavia saw a helluva lot of him, but in this moment, how could she be so utterly wrong?

"Feel nothing? Feel nothing?" He repeated, shaking his head, "Fucking hell, Octavia, I feel fucking everything." He yelled, the words hanging in the air. It sat there, stagnant, in the muted silence.

"You...everything?" Octavia replied slowly, cocking her head.

"I want to die. I want to die but everytime I try I see a rainbow that's just too beautiful or a stream that's so cool I wish I still had cameras or I see Monty and Harper kissing when they think no one sees and it's too cute and I feel like there's so much I wanted to see that I just kept pushing it back and it just made me miserable." He felt the words spill out of him like a waterfall, "I feel far too much and it's slowly pushing the life from me, Octavia."

"So what, you're going to kill yourself before it kills you? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Octavia spat, crossing her arms.

"You…" Jasper felt bile rise in his throat, biting his lip, "Things aren't going to get better. They can't. They won't." he said firmly, "So why shouldn't I-,"

"Because you can't know that!" Octavia shoved him.

"And you do?" He sneered unkindly.

"I had to," She said, a steely look coming to her eyes, "I had to think that there was something else other than living under a piece of the floor in the ground! Do you know there were times I wished I were dead? I wished I'd never been born? That I thought it would be easier if I killed myself too? And once I was locked up, don't you think that if I didn't think I would get out of the SkyBox I wouldn't have kept myself alive?" She demanded, poking him in the chest with each point.

"And that worked out for you so well, huh." Jasper muttered, "Really? You've just kept switching hells. Tell me a time you were happy." He demanded, "Not content, but happy."

"With you, last night." Octavia's voice was a strangled breath, "And teaching you to fight and the first night you put your arms around me. I was happy then, weren't you?"

Jasper opened his mouth to say that maybe she was confusing contentedness with happiness, which is what he'd convinced himself it merely was.

"And other than you, I haven't felt anything, that's why I thought…" She trailed off, "Since Lincoln, I have been a walking corpse Jasper. You might want yourself dead but I was. I felt like I was. Killing people didn't even phase me, I just watched someone bleed out and didn't have a single feeling. Not even glee. And then I saw you in the words and I felt something; it might have been annoyance, but hell it was the first thing I felt in a very long time. But when I'm with you I feel things again. When I'm not I can't," She looked down, upset, "I wish I felt too much." She whispered.

"Yeah, well," Jasper muttered. He wasn't as angry anymore but he felt like he should be. He strode past her, bumping her shoulder, "Tough luck."

Octavia watched him go, angry herself- he heard her stalking off in the other direction- she clearly wasn't as concerned about what he might do.

Although...the thought was completely gone from his mind. It was nearly unimaginable now, somehow. He wasn't sure how the hell that one-eighty happened, and yet here he was...feeling lost.

The idea of what was going to happen up to this day was simple. He wouldn't be around much longer, so why plan? Now that it seemed that option was shrinking, it meant he'd actually have to think about the future and fucking hell that was terrifying.

He sat in the waves, the shallow tide-pool right off the shore. He let the salt water wash over his cut and purify it. He let the pain come, and it was cathartic. His feel ran along the sharp edges of coral, almost slicing, but he was careful not to.

It felt like a long time before Octavia came and sat by him, but she did seek him out. She settled herself into the water too.

"I knew what you were going to do from the second I interrupted your little trip. At first, I was just going to let it happen, but make sure it wasn't a spur of the moment thing. But now I'm selfish and if you're gone I don't know when I'll feel again. I have to think I will but I'm too into you to let this go." She mumbled, chin on her knees.

"I thought I could do it, this morning. But then I just...the thought wasn't there. And when you called me out on it, I was angry because it was the truth and no one else saw it. Not even Monty." He admitted quietly, "But I don't know if I can anymore."

"Thank stars," Octavia whispered quietly, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I didn't know that you felt that way...nothing," Jasper looked down at the gentle waves and the sand between his toes.

"Not right now I don't," She said.

"And?"

"Relief, happiness, worry…" She shrugged, "Things." She emphasized, "And you?"

He gave a nod to indicate mostly the same. In reality, he was feeling loved. Not that he hadn't felt love from others before, Monty loved him, clearly, and he was pretty sure Clarke and Bellamy and Harper did to an extent too. But this love was much deeper. It felt like Maya, and that made him feel a whole lot of other things- guilt, worry, anger toward himself- but overall he'd realized he'd completely forgotten what that felt like. It was so different than the physical they'd been doing; even now her fingers brushed carefully along the top of his hand before he let himself take her hand in his own, but sometimes more profound. Physicality was nice, but before today there had been just the feeling of comfort attached to it. Nothing more. But it always was more, wasn't it? He wouldn't have been feeling this with Clarke or with Harper. This feeling was too much for words, and he knew that the singular nod he'd given to her couldn't possibly convey anything and yet she gave his hand a squeeze and him a smile.

"We can't feel guilty the rest of our lives, may they be long or may they be short." Octavia declared, "And it's not like we love each other, not after three weeks," She continued, and perhaps when she saw something flicker across Jasper's face she added, "But I think we need each other."

"I once said I'd walk through hell for you. It's still true, you know. My hell is existing here, right now, even if I'm not compelled to leave it anymore. I will stay, for you." He said quietly.

"Okay," Octavia whispered, nodding. Jasper grabbed her wrist and pulled her on his lap, so she was facing him. She was compliant, moved with him gracefully, leaning down to kiss him the same moment he pushed himself up, as though on a singular wave-length. With a single motion, and he was glad it was so successful for it would have been embarrassing had he not managed, he lifted Octavia and himself up, carrying them a couple feet forward to rest on the soft sands of the beach.

Octavia was guiding him too back down, laying on his back and staring up. He was grateful; he didn't think he could carry her all the way to the shack. He wasn't overweight, but it's not like he'd practiced lifting weights and for such a small body she had an impressive amount of muscle on her.

Their love-making this time was quieter than the first time, friendly. It wasn't slow, not really, nor was it sweet although it almost crossed that line. Instead, it was more about mapping each other's bodies- something they hadn't a chance to do last night. And, they made the discovery that having sex on the beach was quite erroneous and pretty uncomfortable and that all those steamy romance novels on the Ark were just lying. They had a good laugh about it, and that somehow- laughing and smiling at each other- made it all the better.

"So what now?" Jasper asked after, wondering faintly if the sand in unmentionable places would ever come free.

"We go home," Octavia said, "We go home and we prepare for the next five years. You'll come, right?"

"I'm a man of my word, O," Jasper looked at her, "Where you go, I follow like a stalker-ish fan."He said, grinning, "Like I'm seriously surprised you don't have your own fan club. Lord knows after all this I'd be the head of it."

"You think too highly of me," Octavia lightly pushed his arm, shaking her fingers through her hair to dislodge sand.

"Hardly," Jasper snorted.

"I think we should bring back those books, the games. If we're going to be cooped up for five years, I am not flipping through the same dull books that were on the ark that magically survived the trip down."

She got up, offering him a hand. He took it, and didn't let it go even as they were both upright and balanced.

"Do you think we can take that matteress? If I'm going to live, I want to sleep like a king." He said, tilting his head, "Preferably with you in it too…"

There was a quiet question in his statement.

Even though it had been said that she wanted him with her, that was before the fight, before revelations of feelings. Maybe she'd changed her mind.

"We'll be the envy of the Ark," Was all Octavia said, with a wicked grin on her face, which confirmed his thoughts to be true, and he let out a small sigh of relief. She stood, looking around, "I say we loot the entire place." She declared, "You're a smart kid, obviously, so I am fully confident you can make something to get this all back."

"I'm a chemist, O. Not an engineer." Jasper said, but already he was thinking, scratching his chin. He didn't like backing down from a challenge. First problem; merely getting it across on the boat. After that, the boat itself could probably be used as a method of transportation, find some wheels somewhere. He noticed Octavia grinning at him.

"What…?"

"You were murmuring outloud. You're cute, Jas." She said, kissing his cheek as she started hauling things onto a pile on the floor, presumably what they were bringing with them, "I like a smart guy."

"Really? It seemed you sorta liked...other types. I mean, Atom...Lincoln…" He trailed off. He actually wasn't sure on Lincoln's intelligence. He began baging things too that he thought they could use.

"Well, Atom was convenient and he was nice. But yeah, not really a brainiac. And Lincoln," She paused, "He was more of a war-intelligent kind. Strategist. It takes a really intelligent person to know when to stop and when to offer peace, you know." She pointed out, "But really, I think I've been conditioned by Bell to like smart people, since he's so smart. I only grew up with a smart boy, of course I'd find those more pleasant."

"Well, I for one, have always been attractive to athletic girls." Jasper said, grinning at her with a big smile.  
"Bullshit, you liked me because I stripped in front of you."

"I've always liked you, that's not even a-," Jasper tilted his head, studying her, "You went to the Masquerade Ball the night you were caught." He said.

"Yes, as everyone knows," Octavia shuddered at the memory, "It got around."

"No, no...I remember you." He said. He went on to describe the dress and mask she was wearing, and Octavia slowly stopped what she was doing to look at him in almost-awe. At the time, when he'd seen her, he hadn't known who she was. In fact, it wasn't until about three months ago he'd been staring at her and it just clicked. He'd never really thought masks were an appropriate method to hide someone's identity, and now staring at Octavia he thought it was so obvious who it was, "I remember saying to Monty that I wondered who you were, if you'd dance with me. He brushed it off, but I...I just kept staring at you."

He looked at Octavia for a couple of seconds, eyes soft. She opened her mouth for a couple seconds before throwing a shirt at him, balled up.

"What the heck was that for?"

"You are too good for someone like me, Jasper Jordan." She said, her voice breaking, "You remember me when no one knew me and you did so much for me and what did I do? Kiss you and then run off with Lincoln and-,"

"Don't even," Jasper shook his head, "We didn't have the spark we do now, eh? And I met Maya. I don't know how things would or wouldn't have worked out. Wasn't it you that said a warrior must accept the things she cannot change?"

"Yes, but-,"

"You could have any guy you wanted, O. They all fall at your feet now. Me? I was shocked Maya even noticed me. Maybe you're too good for me," She opened her mouth to protest, "Or maybe, we're evenly matched and I like it this way. Besides, as I keep telling you and you keep forgetting, I'm a romantic."

He saw the slightest hint of a blush across her cheeks.

"Let's keep packing," Octavia offered, letting out a long exhale of acceptance and a tiny grin, "I think we maybe have a month or two before Praimfaya hits. We want to make it back with plenty of time."

Being with Jasper was something that needed adjusting to. Being with such a guy like him, someone who always saw her, who had been there like the moon- constant, quiet and not given enough credit, but so beautiful. She didn't know what he saw in her, because she was so rash and so not like him, but stars she wanted to be more like Jasper.

Lincoln wanting her took an adjustment too, after they had sex and it was revealed it was more than just a forest romp. Jasper was a good guy. Lincoln was a good guy. Heck, even Atom was a good guy, albeit simple, and Octavia had to wonder how good guys kept getting when her when she felt in general she could kinda be a shitty person. She was known currently as an assassin, a ruthless one, if she wanted to prove her point.

Not that she'd killed anyone since she joined up with Jasper. Not that she wanted to kill anyone anymore, since now she felt so many things, all the time. Jasper made that simple to do. She felt embarrassed by his sincerity, lust, compassion, relief, friendship, joy, worry...things she thought were lost to her. And she didn't love him, but she definitely had a crush on him. Seeing his gaze flicker to her sent butterflies in her chest. She'd felt that with Lincoln, and she was glad to know that she could feel it even after all that had happened. She hadn't doubted she'd one day feel emotions, she just thought it would be years, but she genuinely thought that you maybe got one shot at a real good love in life and then that was it, there was no more, you just existed with people that you liked enough. Jasper changed her opinion on that too.

He was the type of person that, with time, she could see filling the void Lincoln left again, but in different ways than he had which was exactly how she'd want it to be. Both boys played into different holes for her, but neither relationship was better or worse than the other, at least so far. They both had their merits. They both matter.

The emotion she was most grateful for the return, though, was lust. She honestly hadn't ever thought she'd feel that again. It was important as all the others, she was coming to perhaps think. Sexual lust, as well as just lust for a person, to get to know someone, to talk with someone that's more than just a friend or your brother.

She did lust for Jasper, and she cared for Jasper, but she did not love him. It was too soon for any of that anyway, although now she was certain she could feel love again one day, with him or someone else.

She'd never love him like she loved Lincoln, though, just as he may never love her like he loved Maya. It was ridiculous to assume they would. Lincoln and Maya were their first loves...first was, well, a first. No one else could ever replace or replicate those feelings you had. It just wasn't possible. She didn't think this meant that one couldn't go on to have a love just as deep and meaningful, but she had to let herself really mourn that the love she'd had with Lincoln were well and truly gone, which she hadn't until now.

And Jasper understood that...out of everyone in the world, he understood because he went through that too. They talked about Lincoln and Maya; didn't compare, which was the important thing, but it was also important to recognize what each other had had before. It wasn't like they broke up with their significant others, they'd died, depriving each of everything they'd assumed. No one could read the future, so maybe- as Jasper had stated before- they would have broken up or they would have stayed together but death robbed them both of those sorts of choices. And they could only celebrate the feelings they'd had and learn to move on.

And no lie, that was ridiculously difficult. But she'd made it through the worst of it, she figured, which was her warrior-assassin phase. She still held her knives close, because this world had taught her never to let her guard down, but the desperate need to feel something- even horror or disgust- simply did not exist anymore, such as Jasper's need to erase himself from this earth.

They pretty much took nearly everything from that darn little island shack, sans the cupboards nailed to the walls and the other large furniture and the bed frame, but literally pretty much everything else- including the mattress- was loaded onto the canoe and taken across the sea to the beach in little trips. In reality, at this point, it was probably far more trouble than it was worth to bring that mattress back with them, but Octavia argued they still had two months to get back (and her calculations told her that even with that thing, they'd make it back in time) and it had grown to be a ridiculous inside joke between the two of them. Jasper's canoe-turned-vehicle idea panned out as well as it could, since it utilized one half-patched wheel, two normal wheels, and something that was merely circular tacked to the bottom of it. They also took the heavy-duty backpacks they'd found in the back of the closet, and stuffed those to the brim.

Jasper sometimes questioned the necessity of some of this, but Octavia was adamant. She had an argument to why everything was needed. The clothes; they obviously needed replacements, and the kids in the Ark were going to grow in five years, so better to have things on hand. The board games? If they expected to all survive together five years merrily without these things, Jasper was kidding himself. The pillow cases from the bed? Did he see any pillowcases anywhere that weren't stitched together and were as soft and luxurious as these? No, she didn't think he did.

It was endearing, and for a girl who spent her whole life underground with scant items, it was understandable, although Octavia claimed it had nothing to do with that.

Octavia knew somewhere, yes, that was likely true, even if she didn't outright acknowledge it.

Their journey back did not take as much time as it did going forward. The most difficult was getting it up the bluff they'd came down to the beach on, and it nearly took the entire day, but once they got past that, it was smooth sailing.

Octavia realized that although she was underground her whole life, or most of it, she was a natural with directions. Jasper had found a compass in the house, as every good prepper so needs, and she was sure they were going the right way, as they begun to pass places they'd stopped at or noticed coming through the first time.

They made good time during the day, both taking turns pulling the canoe with the person in the back pushing and helping over rocks or branches. They were both relatively in shape; one of earth's few gifts to them so far- although Octavia was more so. She knew it annoyed Jasper slightly that really, if they broke the time up, she was pulling about 55% of the time. But Jasper wasn't unathletic, but she'd trained for this and he hadn't.

In nights, they tried to sleep back in the same spots they'd the first time, if at all possible. But it was so much different this time, a lot because of the sex, but also just because it was so weird traveling backwards through this journey- each day they progressed, they reached a spot where they had been more alienated from each other.

Jasper, when they were a little over half-way back, brought this up.

"It's upsetting, a bit. I was so bitter, so lifeless here." He drew a circle almost all the way around him in the sandy soil, "I wanted you to go away so I could just…" He made a wiggling motion with his fingers, something representing death or fizzling away.

"And I sat here, sharpening my knives, wondering if I cut myself would it even hurt?" She tilted her head, "Bell told me about self-harm on the ship, of course, since I think he worried one day it would just be too much for me. I never had those thoughts, not until here."

"I'm glad you didn't go through with it." Jasper said.

"Same to you," Octavia gave a careful nod back.

"This is too depressing. Wanna hear my mad harmonica skills?" Jasper said abruptly, taking out a harmonic from his bag with a wide smile.

"Where did you get that monstrosity?" Octavia groaned. When she'd been training with Indra, there had been harmonicas...many. Why was the only two instruments to survive the apocalypse seemingly the two most annoying- the harmonica and the recorder? She'd heard enough renditions on both of those to never again want to hear them.

"It's not a saxophone, sure," Jasper said, since she stand corrected. There was a surviving saxophone on the Ark remnants, although no one was particularly skilled in it. All the other instruments were made after the first apocalypse, and those were much more pleasant, "But I can make a mean jam."

He took a deep breath and made one of the most awful, cringe-inducing sounds Octavia had ever heard.

"Huh," Jasper said, "Sounded so much better when I practiced it back at the shack."

"That is not coming into Arkadia with us," Octavia muttered.

"I'll bring it in, any means necessary. But the end of five years, I'll be a harmonica master."

"I'm pretty sure that's an oxymoron."

"I'll smuggle it down my pants if I have to." Jasper announced.

"Guess I'll just have to strip search you, then," Octavia said casually, tending to the fire in front of them.

Jasper relaxed his position, stretching out languidly, "Is that so?" He asked, his voice rough. Octavia looked up, grinning. She could tell he sort of hoped she'd make a comment, because for the moment- when they weren't trying to save the world or anything or worry about survival in the exact time- yeah, it really seemed Jasper only thought about one thing. It was fine though, because she found herself just as wanting.

"Yep, just like this…" She said, coming around the circle and any bad thoughts were quite obviously forgotten, because obviously sex was the best way to make both of them very pleasant.

It wasn't long after that night they found themselves coming into familiar territory, the land around the Ark that had been given to them by Lexa when they formed the 13th Kru.

"Home sweet home," Jasper mumbled, hiking his backpack strap onto his shoulder.

"Hands up!" Someone from the woods shouted and Jasper and Octavia immediately froze, throwing their hands up.

"Shit, you don't think-," Jasper began.

"We should have probably guessed this," Octavia whispered back, eyes flickering around the foliage, "A million bad things could have happened while we were gone."

"Whoever's there, it's us- Jasper and Octavia. We come in peace-,"

"If it's a grounder, that's not going to do." Octavia cut him off, and then spoke in grounders saying, "It is Jasper of Sky Crew and Octavia the Sky Ripper." She hates using her assigned nickname, but it was respected amongst the grounders.

"Holy shit," The voice from the woods swore and from the woods stepped Bryan and Miller with rifles, lowering them at the sight of the two travelers.

"We thought you were both dead!" Miller said, shaking his head incredulously.

"Miller, man, you gave me a heart attack." Jasper dropped his arms, giving out a long sigh.

"It's been more than a month," Miller said, shaking his head in awe, "Really, we thought you both kicked it."

"Well, obviously not," Octavia drawled, "And we are here...bringing gifts." She said, waving her hand back to their canoe.

"Where did you go?" Bryan asked, coming over to the haul, peeking up under the mattress.

"An island. A prepper had a stash there, thank god. I've found most grounders hate the water, so lucky for us it was untouched."

"And you brought a mattress back?" Bryan's voice was dry, amused.

"Hey, man, if you felt the magical power of this thing, you wouldn't be teasing us." Jasper said.

"What are you going to do? Take turns on it? Rip it in half?" Bryan said, pressing his palm down on it, "Man, Bryan, touch this thing!" He called over.

"Erm," Jasper gave a small shrug. They'd both agreed not to tell people they were together, or whatever, but they also weren't going to deny it or stop anything.

Bryan hardly seemed to notice their interactions, but Miller's head snapped up, looking between the two of them.

"Shit," He whistled, eyes widening, "I mean, good for you?"

"What? What's up?" Bryan asked, looking up from starting to unscrew the lid of a jar of peanut butter.

"Don't go yapping about it to the whole damn ark, okay, especially not Bellamy." Octavia threatened and Jasper knew she was extremely terrifying when she wanted to be.

"Lips, sealed." Miller said, nodding, eyes wide.

"Wait- you two are...what?" Bryan said, catching on.

"Just happened," Jasper shrugged, more casual about it than Octavia was. He knew Octavia wanted to tell Bellamy before he heard from someone else, but Jasper didn't care if others knew. He wanted to tell others, wanted to be proud of her. But he'd do whatever she wanted, that much was clear.

"Just, especially not my brother! I mean, he's probably going to threaten Jasper as it is and-,"

"Uhh…" Miller winced, "So I take it that means you haven't heard…"

"Heard what?" Octavia's eyes narrowed to impossibly thin slits, scrutinizing him. Jasper's attention was also drawn, and he frowned.

"Well, let's just say that right now I think he has more things to worry about than who you're…" He paused, struggling for the right term to use, and finally stated 'dating' at the same time Bryan helpfully suggested 'sleeping with'.

"That obvious?" Jasper's eyebrows rose in surprise. He was a little taken back to see a faint bloom of red over Octavia's cheeks. So she wasn't a kiss-and-tell girl. He liked that.

Miller said 'no' the same time Bryan said, 'yeah obviously' and held up his hand for Jasper to high-five it.

"Or, you too, congrats on getting laid…?" He trailed off to Octavia as she stared at him with her 'I'm-going-to-murder-you-in-your-sleep' death glare.

"Bryan, now would be a great time to be quite," Miller sighed, staring at his boyfriend with defeat.

"Back to the issue at hand...what do you mean? What the hell happened?"

Miller hesitated, rolling on the soles of his feet before shaking his head. "Why don't you come back, and we'll explain it all later. I'm sure Bellamy will be grateful to see you when he returns."

"Returns from where?" Jasper demanded.

"Just come on," Miller instructed, voice tinged with annoyance, "It's not as safe to be out here, and it's getting dark."

"I have a really bad feeling about this, you know," Jasper murmured low under his breath.

"Still with me?" Octavia asked, voice hardly above a whisper, "For whatever this shit is?"

"Walk through hell for you, O, still true." He said, rubbing his arms, "But maybe our luck-," He began, recalling the conversation he'd had with her way at the beginning, close to this very start.

"I refuse to believe that," Octavia said in a voice higher than a whisper, causing both Miller and Bryan to look back, "I'll fix whatever Bellamy and Clarke have done this time," She muttered.

Jasper gave a snort.

"You, all you?"

"Yeah, you'll see. Someone needs to be cleaning up after those two's messes…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. This is the end of Act/Part 1. When I first envisioned this story, there were three major points in season4 that I wanted to change to make it more Jactavia-like. So at first it was just going to be a one-shot. When the three points became more clear, a three shot. Then, it got out of control and around 100 pages and I thought maybe I'd do three one-shots in a series. But, in the end I decided this 9/10 chapter idea was the best. So, if this feels rounded out/finished at the end of this, that's why!
> 
> This chapter also gets down to the reasons I thought each character was upset/the way they were before we got to Octavia/Illian's little tryst in the woods. Idk, I like my version better XD
> 
> Although I'm not following the time-line because I thought the timeline was sort of stupid, if you're curious the start of this little adventure is somewhere from A Lie Guarded, but AU because Octavia just runs off instead of getting 'killed' by Echo. And then they return right after the end of God Complex. The next two parts are more dependent on the versions of the episodes, so will be much more involved than this was. But, this chapter had a lot of throw-backs to season1 Jactavia, so cookies if you caught some of them!
> 
> This story will also have more Bryan in it because I love him and I missed him in this season.
> 
> Lastly, please, please, please take the time to review! This story will update with or without commentary, but I would prefer the latter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long overdue...I realize. Life got a little hectic! In Paris, we had internet but I was EXHAUSTED most of the time. Then, I got back and immediately got a fever, so when I haven't been at work, I've pretty much been sleeping. But you guys deserve this, so here's the first part of arc 2. This arc begins the 'conclave' arc!

Octavia slipped away in the dead of night, from her place besides Jasper, silent like the warrior she was. She left a note, but goddamn it...Jasper was pissed. If she didn't think he was going to follow her, she was crazy.

Two days ago, upon returning to the Ark, they saw exactly why Miller and Bryan had given each other such nervous looks. It was still an Ark, but smoldering and charred and completely unusable to survive Priamfaya.

"It was a...a grounder kid. Ian or Liam or something…" Bryan scratched his chin, "Angry at ALLIE. Thought that our Ark was-,"

"Shit, it was Illian, wasn't it?" Octavia cut in. Bryan snapped.

"That's his name."

"You know him?" Jasper asked, eyes flickering around the area, "You know the guy that did all...this?"

"I ran into him a couple times in Polis," Octavia shrugged, but Jasper saw a fire igniting in her eyes, "What became of him?"

"He's still here- he sustained really heavy injuries because of the blow, currently shackled in the Med Bay. Kane refuses to let anyone lynch him, or worse. Says we all deserve a fair trial."

"I want to see him." Octavia demanded.

"O, and what are you going to do?" Jasper asked, stopping her, "It's been done…" He looked around.

"No one was killed, so that's why Kane is saving him...for now," Miller added duly, "Because unless we figure something else out, we're all as good as dead. But there's some other loose ends, who knows." He sighed, bringing them into the yard.

People stared as they passed in, dragging their canoe behind them still.

"Did anyone claim my room while I was away?" Octavia questioned, realizing they couldn't very well drag that canoe all the way to med-bay.

"Do you think anyone wanted to even try?" Bryan gave her a sly grin, and Octavia nodded firmly.

"Good. We drop this off then I go and see him." She said.

"You're not gunna…" Jasper asked, trailing off but making a stabbing motion with his hand. Octavia looked almost horrified he'd suggest that.

"I'm not that person, Jas!" She said, shaking her head, "Not now. No, he and I were...well, not quite friends, but…" She sighed, "Look, I'm pissed at him but I'm not that pissed."

"I'll still come with you," Miller said, narrowing his eyes, clearly not believing Octavia's promise, as he shifted so his gun was in view, "Just in case." Octavia sighed, but she understood. The last time anyone had heard anything of her, she'd been a feral assassin, killing for money or nothing at all, ravaging through the forest in search of 'justice'. This kill, she was sure many would agree, would be 'justice' for what he'd taken. But as she knew, she'd killed for her own gain, to feel something, and since she felt a lot know- including guilt for the kills she had done, albeit a little late, she wasn't going to get back into killing anytime soon.

Many people looked at her warily. Well, good. She didn't want anyone poking into stuff they didn't need to be poking into, so the illusion of her terrifyingness served her well for right now. Jasper was watching her closely, but not for fear she was lying, she felt, but because out there in the wild it had been easy to say the things they said. Now they were home it was harder.

Plus, she'd promised them safety, a way through this. What were they going to do now?

The Med Bay had two guards with guns in the front of it, and she was sure they weren't there to protect the five-year-old with a cold.

Illian was patched everywhere, it looked like he hardly escaped alive. His entire body was scorched and his skin was patchy, easing into what looked like bubbled skin beneath white bandages. On one arm was a pair of cuffs, linking him to the bed.

"Octavia, pramheda, you're...alive?" He gasped, turning his head to see the girl approach his bed.

"Yeah, well, guess I'm full of surprises, huh?"

He grinned a little, although it was clear he was in pain.

"We don't have the means to give him pain medication, especially not after what he did…" Miller said, as though guessing Octavia's next question.

"Why'd you do it, Illian?" Octavia gave a long sigh, knitting her eyebrows together.

"I didn't know what this was going to do. It's tech. Tech like ALLIE killed my entire family. I couldn't let it just…" He shook his head, "You understand, don't you, Skairipa?"

At her title, Octavia stiffened.

"Not anymore." She said, shaking her head. Illian's head fell back on the pillow, and he looked up, chuckling sardonically.

"So you have found peace, are shedding your old skins?" He questioned.

"Yes." She said carefully, glancing toward Jasper and he gave a quiet smile. Illian did not notice, for a long moment he stared above before turning back, nodding at her, the slightest movement.

"I am pleased for you, Octavia. I knew there was a chance for you before you went too far." He said.

Unexpectedly, just as Illian's hand was moving, to hold her or just touch her arm Octavia was unsure, Jasper's fingers gripped around her own. It was a very bold movement, one that couldn't be ignored. Illian's hand retreated.

"I suppose I am stuck here until they decide my fate. You will be at my hearing?" He asked.

"I will, although I'm not sure how much support you'll get from me." She said honestly.

"I suppose." He said, "I'm going back to sleep. Apparently, growing back most of your skin is quite the tiring task," He said, and Octavia gave a small laugh.

"You should go, before people know you're here. Everyone will be coming up with reasons to see him, and I just don't want to deal with that." Miller said, motioning for them to come away.

"You think he'll be killed?" Octavia asked, once out of the room.

"I don't see what other outcome there will be," Miller looked greatly disturbed, "Unless Clarke or Monty manage on their ends."

"Monty? What's he off doing?" Jasper said. It had been his intention to go seek out his friend after this, but from the sound of it, he wasn't here.

"Come, sit." Miller said, unlocking the kitchen areas, "Hungry?" He asked, going to grab a carrot from the fridge.

"No, I'm fine. What are you talking about?"

"Well, you know Clarke always has a plan B, C, D...thank stars she had them. She and Bellamy left right after Illian blew up the place with Roan for the island Becca lived on, where Raven is. Originally, they were going to send Raven up to space to make Nightblood injections for everyone, so that we could survive the radiation. Therefore, we'd just need a place to lie low until the fires passed. But there was a problem there, of course."

"You see-," Jasper whispered, and Octavia sent him a hard look, "I'm just saying, was anyone surprised?"

"Honestly? No," Miller rubbed the back of his neck, "We're probably due in for very bad luck." Jasper gave Octavia a look and made a noise, motioning to Miller.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Octavia rolled her eyes.

"Did I miss something?"

"Jasper thinks there's no way we're gunna survive this." Octavia said.

"Law of equals! We've survived five other events that should have killed us. At one point-,"

"Okay Mr. Gloom," Miller cut in, "I said we were in for bad luck, not death."

"Just pointing out." Jasper shrugged.

"But Clarke has a plan C?" Octavia squinted.

"Yep. Right now they're trying to see if injecting the nightblood directly into someone's marrow will do anything."

"And Monty's a part of this?"

"No," Miller sighed, "Jaha has been on some crazy ass theories for the past couple of weeks, claiming that there were more fall-out bunkers that weren't government property, so no one knew about them and they weren't in the Ark databases."

"Well, this is Jaha...on the list of bat-shit crazy thing's he's done, this doesn't even compare," Jasper chuckled, "But Monty? I can't see him getting roped into all this."

"Everyone does strange things when they're desperate. They just left this morning, you missed them by maybe two hours."

"And has anything come of this? Do you believe it?" Octavia asked, turning her steely gaze on Miller. Miller made a noise in the back of his throat, high-pitched, and waffled.

"Erh, well, they did find one bunker. Wasn't sealed properly and everyone inside died. So, I mean, it's out there but...is there a bunker that will save us all? I don't know." He said, "I guess we'll have to see. Between our two choices, I'm not really sure which one I want more, or want less I guess it is."

"Being a nightblood would be cool," Jasper put his hand on his chin, "Like a superhero."

"I'm in agreement. Rather that then a bunker somewhere. This could save everyone, not just some." Octavia said. Miller titled his head.

"You're right, but I can't imagine how hard it will be afterwards. Where will we get food? Water?" He questioned.

"I'm only a chemist, but a damn smart one, and now that I'm back, Jasper is on the case." Jasper said, turning around to the direction their planting fields were, trying to imagine the best way to make sure these survived a fiery apocalypse.

"You sure?" Miller, out of all that had happened, sounded most surprised by this, "Aren't you-," He broke off.

"Suicidal? You can say it, Miller. It's not a damnation." Jasper responded absently, mind still partyway on the veggies and crops, "Naw, not anymore. I mean, I'm not actively trying to leave or anything. Not completely on board with all this, but enough to give a good effort."

"Plus, he'll do it if I ask him to," Octavia added in. He turned, raising an eyebrow at her. Miller looked down, shaking away a thought.

"You're whipped, a month away and…" He walked a way, muttering, as though trying to wrap his mind around Jasper and Octavia.

"I don't think we're that bizarre," Jasper said, watching his figure walk away.

"Speaking of which, what was that hand holding business in the Med Bay?" Octavia asked, crossing her arms.

"Illian, he likes you." Jasper winced.

"Jealous?" Octavia chuckled.

"I just don't like the way he was looking at you." Jasper said, blushing slightly, "And so what? Float me, maybe I am." He said, getting defensive. Octavia, who had been sitting on one of the tables, hopped off, chuckling.

"Even if he did flirt with me, I'd set him straight."

"Good, because I don't think it's wise to be shaking up with the kid that blew up this place," Jasper said, still red in the face, as Octavia came right face-to-face with him, putting her arms around his shoulders.

"I'm only shacking up with you, Jasp." She assured, "I don't think Illian and I are on the same wave-length right now anyway. He's still preoccupied with vengeance. I told you, I'm not like that anymore." She said, "Why does no one believed me?"

"O, it's fine. I believe you," He said, leaning in to kiss her.

"What the hell?"

The voice at the doorway broke them apart.

Jasper's face lit up.

"Harper!"

Seeing Harper made a warmth bloom in Jasper. He'd been a little sad he'd missed Monty, since that's who he regretted leaving without a good-bye the most, but he hadn't anticipated how good it would be to see Harper again.

Octavia jumped away from him immediately, and Jasper didn't think it was because she was embarrassed of him, but being caught in an intimate position would be embarrassing to her. Harper had obviously seen, because she stood in the doorway, mouth agape and hands out, making motions between the two of them.

"What...when...how did this happen?" She asked, struggling to get a sentence out.

"Well, since we were both gone five weeks and you're a smart girl…" Jasper trailed off, tapping his head with a finger. Harper collected herself a little, but was still staring at the pair of them.

"So what? You've just been off in a forest banging for five weeks?" She questioned.

"Well," Octavia chuckled, her willingness to respond surprising Jasper, "Not the whole time." She purred, and Jasper looked back, smiling at her.

When he looked back, Harper looked even more confused, staring now just at Jasper as though he wasn't the same person she thought him to be. It was, in all, a valid concern.

"You're really okay, Jasper? Smiling and all?"

"Smiling and all," Jasper repeated back, giving her another smile to prove it. She just seemed more concerned, "Hey, look, I'm not going to go throw myself off the top of the Ark anymore. I found peace." He said, repeating what Ilian had asked Octavia. That's really what it was; a sense of peace, finally.

"Thank stars," Harper said, letting out a huge sigh of relief and going to embrace Jasper in a long hug. When she pulled back, she slapped his arm, "That's from Monty! You have worried him so much, I swear to god, I'll never forgive you," She said sourly, but Jasper could tell a lot of her words were just because she'd been worried too.

"Harper, all fine. No broken bones, not even a bruise." He said, stretching out his arms, "See?"

Harper sighed at him, shaking her head, "You little shit, you."

She turned to Octavia and hugged her too, which made Octavia look at Jasper with confusion. Besides Clarke, Octavia didn't get along well with most of the other girls in the 100. She hadn't had more than a passing conversation with Harper before this, Jasper was sure.

"I know, I know," Harper said, seeing her face, "But I'm glad you're okay too." She said, "Now, I need to know everything that happened to lead you to him!" She declared.

"First, I think I need to shower, maybe change my clothes," Octavia said, picking at her leather armor, "I'm not in war in anymore, not with anyone, not with myself."

"Well I have some stuff that will fit you. We can go down to the stream together and you can tell me all the juicy details." Harper decided. Octavia still looked unsure at this sudden friendship.

"I think Jasper could just tell you," She said, rocking back on her feet.

"Jasper is a guy. I'm sure he'd just tell me about the sex and all."

"No, really, between us, Jasper is the romantic one." Octavia insisted. Harper rolled her eyes.

"You're killing me, girl." She moaned. Jasper stifled a laugh under his palm.

"Fine, fine." Octavia conceded.

"Great! So, are you two...dating now?" Harper asked as they started back toward Octavia's cabin.

"Yeeeah…" Jasper said slowly when Octavia looked at him imploringly, "I guess we are." Octavia nodded, agreeing with his answer.

Back on the Ark, dating was normal. You would ask a girl out; take her to the sky window, maybe a movie in the dining hall if you asked her out on a particular sunday. Maybe the two of you would read the books from the library or dink around the halls. Dating there wasn't much, but it was something.

Down here, dating seemed like such an impossible word. And one that was so imperfect too. Him and Maya, they hadn't dated. They'd tried, he thought, but there were other issues on hand. But his connection to her had been so much more passionate than anyone he dated on the Ark. And Octavia and Lincoln? He was pretty sure they never dated, and he was positive that Octavia's feelings toward Lincoln were a thousand times stronger than his and Maya's had been. So what did that say?

And with Octavia now, their bond felt different than just two people dating. They depended on each other, no doubt the way that Monty and Harper did. They were past dating, Monty had told him once. He felt like that with Octavia.

But, arguably, out of the three couples that encircled him and Octavia, he and Octavia on their month-long expedition had probably had the most things that one would consider a 'date'. They'd watched the sunset, played board games, sparred, laughed...so yeah, maybe dating was the right word, because it's not like he was gearing up to marry her anytime soon and he wasn't even sure he was in love with her, but he liked her a whole lot.

He slid the door open to Octavia's room and set about taking things out from the canoe. First thing first, dragging the mattress to a cover of ground that wasn't filled with dust or broken things.

He stood back. It hit him quite all at once, the realization that this wasn't truly Octavia's room, for Octavia had never felt at home here, but rather this had been Lincoln's room for the short time he was with their people. But then he reminded himself that this had actually been Monroe's room way back, back on the Ark, and so he shouldn't feel so strange now existing here, but he still did.

He needed a breath of air to think this over. Could he truly be with Octavia- in literally every since- in the room that was her ex-boyfriend's? With his love and huge impact lingering over them? His room wouldn't be much better, since he still shared it with Monty, last time he checked, but then again in his absence Harper may have moved in and that would really complicate things.

He slid down outside the wall of Linc-no, Octavia's room. Well, if he was going to accept this, and if Octavia was too (but maybe she hadn't really thought about it yet) he was going to have to remember that Lincoln was dead and only his memory lingered, not some spirit that would creepily watch his girlfriend get it on with another guy.

But Lincoln had been pretty nice, under the stoic frown he always wore. It just seemed...messed up?

Jasper wished there was someone around he could talk to. Monty, would be most preferable. Monty always had a way of straight shooting, saying things like it were. He'd tell Jasper honestly if there were bounds being crossed in this whole situation. He was sort of like Octavia. Maybe that's why he was drawn to Octavia in the first place, plus the whole being a girl aspect.

He'd talk to Bellamy too. Bellamy was more than a friend, he was like a brother, as Monty was. An extremely older brother, one that was almost like a parent. And yeah, it might be weird to talk to the older brother of the girl he was dating so, nevermind, perhaps Bellamy wasn't the one to talk to at all. But it would still be nice to see him.

Raven was gone, and while she probably would tell him she had more things to worry about than his love life, she'd eventually stop whatever the hell she was doing and turn to him, but then listen intently and give him something that was confusing but reasonable.

And Clarke...well, if Jasper had forgiven Murphy and Bellamy for the Mount Weather Incident (which, he had) and he was truly trying to start over in a better way (he was) he couldn't be mad at her anymore. The will to stay angry at Clarke had vanished somewhere, but he just realized it now.

And hell, he'd even have taken Murphy, if that kid was around. Murphy was always more compassionate after he had a couple drinks and Jasper wouldn't deny something like that now. Plus, Murphy maybe wasn't half as bad as he made himself out to be.

But they were all off on their own adventures, being heroes. Jasper scoffed before he could help himself; just because he was now on the path of the living again didn't make him a damn martyr like all of those people made themselves out to be, sans Murphy. Murphy just went wherever he had the best chance of living.

He decided to take a walk around the Ark to cool himself down. When Octavia returned, maybe they'd just talk about the room. They'd gotten very good at talking, explaining things to each other. There pretty much wasn't anything either could say at this point that would be a shock, so they kept any judgements to themselves, if they came across such things. Jasper hadn't, at least, not on his end.

He walked around the halls like a ghost, after sitting and charging the iPod he'd gotten from Maya. He'd shown Octavia a couple songs before it ran out of power, but he was glad to have it back. Sure, he'd listened to the same 100 or so songs a millions times over, but it was very comforting to have these. He liked to imagine what Maya would do when she listened to these same things; did she dance in front of her mirror? Did she sing them in her bed, alone in the night? Did she play it while she decided what to wear in the mornings?

Well, here he was, still clutching onto this iPod like a lifeline. Could he really think one way of Octavia wanting to be in that room, when here he was, with this? Did Octavia feel strange putting the earbuds in, knowing that once Maya had done that with Jasper?

By the time he made it to the main area, he saw Harper and Octavia just returning, Octavia ringing out her dark hair onto the floor of the loading bay. Harper was approached by a gaggle of girls, and Jasper saw Octavia try to make a break for it, but Harper wound her arm in Octavia's, pulling her into the pit of females.

Jasper laughed out loud, causing a few people to look his way.

Jasper liked Harper, and thought she was a good fit for Monty. She certainly had a sense of extrovertedness that neither Octavia nor Monty truly possessed. She seemed to have made it her project to have Octavia make friends, maybe now that she was with Jasper, and if Jasper knew anything about Harper it was that this was going to happen.

The doors opened up and a rover returned. Jasper straightened from his posture leaning against the doorframe when he saw Monty at the front, and Monty looked like he'd won a thousand dollars. Jasper knew that face was special.

"By joe, he'd done it. They found it," Jasper said out loud, clicking his tongue.

He tuned out a little, because Jaha used a lot of big flowery phrases and inspirational quotes, as he usually did, but the just was clear- they found a bunker, it was going to save them, they would all leave at morning light.

In his head, Jasper's thoughts first went to the idea that it was just going to be more difficulties; if Jaha thought this was going to go as easy as he imagined it, he was crazy. But when he saw the relief on Octavia's face across the room, he sorta hoped for once Jaha would be right.

He started his way across the platform, trying to get to Monty, but everyone was swarming Monty, Jaha, and Kane all at once, asking a thousand questions about what the bunker was like and how much could they bring. Someone grabbed the back of Jasper's shirt, and he spun around, on the defense (keeping in mind all the tricks Octavia had been teaching him) but came face to face with Riley.

At first, upon meeting Riley, it had seemed the kid had shared a similar sense of overall despair in the world, a common acceptance of the apocalypse and desire to enjoy life. But now, seeing Riley's darkened irises, he just got a bad feeling. But he wasn't going to judge yet.

"Jasper, hell, I thought you'd really done it."

Jasper knew what he was talking about. They'd both shared dry, joking comments about killing themselves, but somehow deep down they both had known the other wasn't joking.

"Yeah, well, you know." Jasper shrugged, trying to end the conversation quickly. He had really missed Monty.

"Some announcement Jaha had," Riley began, baiting Jasper. His eyes narrowed.

"Exciting," Jasper agreed sarcastically, and somehow this apparently was right to Riley because his whole face morphed into a dark smile.

"I mean, who the hell does he think he is? He hasn't been chancellor in ages! Hell, who says we gotta do what he says?"

Once, a long time ago it seemed, but really not so, Jasper might have agreed. He still really hated Jaha and if Jaha perished in the apocalypse Jasper might throw a party, but he couldn't deny that this time, he wasn't as upset.

"Kane will be there. Kane and Abbey. They're the ones in change." Jasper said, "He found it sure, but he doesn't have any real power."

"Not how you sounded a month ago," Riley scoffed angrily, "He has all the power, it's a big conspiracy. We know that," He added, leaning in close, "I got those nuts you talked about. I think if we get the right dosage, we'll go out on a high cloud of zero pain. Like we talked about before. Fuck Jaha and his self-righteous plans. Fuck Kane and the chancellors."

Jasper felt something twist in his stomach. In one drunken night of sadness, Jasper had discussed they all just do one big...thing. One event and just anyone who didn't want to be under Jaha's thumb anymore was free to join and they'd do something before anyone knew and it would be too late. That was before he thought maybe he actually wanted to be alone, if he was going to go through with it.

"You in man? Course you are, you're the genius who suggested it," Riley said, grinning, nudging his shoulder, "Tonight? I think we should tonight, before they can force us there."

"Actually…" Jasper drug out his words, wincing, "I think I might...go."

The look on Riley's face was as though he'd been hit.

"What?" He said, dragging Jasper farther out of the crowd, "Are you nuts? That won't be living, it will be living like cattle! You said it yourself- you don't just want to survive, you want to live, dude!"

"Yeah, well," Jasper muttered bitterly, feeling his patience for this whole conversation waning, "I sorta realized you have to be alive to get around to have the chance to live."

"That's just bull, and we both know it. We could have a party tonight, one big celebration of life. You're seriously banking on the chance you might get around to living instead of taking this chance now?"

"I guess so," Jasper chuckled angrily, "I'm not a child anymore, Riley. I can't just live life like one big party. Life has to be full of smaller, but better parties. When I have big parties where I throw everything out the door, shit goes down. When I do that, things happen." He thought back to the days on the camp in the dropship, when all he'd cared about was living it up on earth. He'd nearly died. Everyone had nearly died. And those early days in Mount Weather. It wasn't until he took a leadership role and did things that some things started to get better, he realized. If he'd just had a little more time, if Clarke hadn't had to pull that level, just maybe…

"You'd willing go and be a little soldier in Jaha's army. Do you not remember what he did to you?" Riley demanded, shaking Jasper by his shoulders, jolting him from his thoughts.

"Float yourself man, of course I do. But circumstances have changed." Jasper ground out.

"You're joking!" Riley shook his head, "You don't just change that big of a choice in a month. You're depressed, remember? All this pain can just vanish. You can be with Maya again-,"

"I'm done. Don't talk about Maya," Jasper said, breaking out of Riley's grip. His eyes searched the crowded for Octavia now, angry and hurt and feeling low again. Riley brought up a lot of solid points, none Jasper wanted to admit to. None he wanted to let himself think about far too much.

Riley wasn't done with Jasper though, and his eyes followed Jasper's and landed exactly where his had. Riley made a choking sound in the back of his throat.

"Octavia, the Grounder Girl? That's what changed?" Riley said.

"None of your damn buisness, Riley." Jasper said, shrugging, starting to walk away.

"I can't believe you! She's a traitor, she fucks grounders! And she's just fucking you for shits and giggles until she finds another killer she likes better! Are you so naive? She'd sleep with anyone covered and mud and-," Jasper had never punched anyone before this, despite having killed a couple grounders and Dr. Tsing. He'd seen it in old movies and read about in books, but what no one told you was that while it obviously was pretty darn painful to the recipient, it also really hurt your own hand. There was a resounding crack and Jasper watched as Riley slammed against the metal wall.

"Damn," Jasper muttered, staring down at the blood coating his knuckles from Riley's nose. Riley stared at Jasper incredulously, grasping at his nose, before lunging.

In reality, this was probably a mistake. Riley had grown feral, angry, bitter about everything having to do with grounders, so starting a fight about this with him was a bad idea. And while Octavia could defend herself, Jasper never wanted her to have to hear his slurs, and goddamnit he was the romantic that would defend his girlfriend. But Riley was stockier than Jasper was and soon Jasper found himself underneath Riley, pinned, as Riley punched him over and over.

Everything Octavia taught him just flew out the window, as his main focus was just shielding his face and some other fragile parts of his body. From the fire in Riley's eyes, he wasn't sure Riley was going to stop. He was sure if this were Octavia, she'd be trying to figure out her next move, but Jasper was still stuck on just not getting hurt. Maybe if Jasper…

He managed to swing them around so that they were facing each other, a little more even, and Jasper kicked Riley's stomach and was just about to detach himself with another hit when someone was pulling them apart.

"Jasper, the fuck?" He looked up to see Monty staring at him. Monty was a little fuzzy, but then again, that's probably because his eyes were starting to swell shut.

"Language my friend, we have little kids around." He joked, noticing a couple horrified faces in the crowd. Granted, a full on fist fight probably was equally as traumatizing.

"But you're...you…"

"Yes, hi, I'm alive." Jasper said, waving.

"Riley, what the hell were you thinking?" Kane was demanding angrily, picking the boy up off the ground. Riley spit blood at his feet, ignoring him.

"Jasper! You idiot!" Octavia's voice rung out, and she deftly elbowed her way through the crowd until she was to the front.

"Octavia?"

Kane and Monty asked in unison, staring at her in equal amounts of surprise.

Octavia didn't look at either of them, but leaned down and touched Jasper's face gingerly with her fingers. He winced, flinching away as it stung.

"You...both of you…" Monty said, letting go of Jasper, then shook his head, "You know what? Actually, that is the least surprising thing of all I've learned today, and that includes finding a bunker hidden for 100 years." He said, "C'mon, you desperately need to go to the Med Bay." He sighed, and Octavia helped him by slinging one of his arms around her. Monty followed in suit.

"All those practice sessions, and I hate to say it, but I think you lost, if we're going by damage," She said to Jasper.

"I'm not a warrior like you, apparently," Jasper mumbled through very swollen lips, "Need more practice…"

"No, you need to not pick fights with jerks," Monty said, "Seriously man, can't you stay out of trouble for one second?"

Jasper gave a long, hard thought about this before grinning and shaking his head, "Naw."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really hate Riley. Like really hate him. Ew.
> 
> Please, pretty please, review/kudo! It would literally make my night and maybe even make me feel a little less sick :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry after reviewing I kept you waiting for so long! I hope now that I'm back on a schedule, this will be too :)

In the Med Bay, with Monty sitting on a chair just staring at Jasper and saying nothing while Octavia paced and one of the med students named Brad patched Jasper up (Riley just needed his nose put back in place), Kane stared down at the two of them like a disappointed father.

"What in the name of Polaris was that?" He demanded finally.

"We got into a disagreement," Jasper said, deadpanned. He wasn't about to tell Kane that they had previously, and drunkenly, agreed to a suicide pact involving jobi nuts and hated everything he and Jaha stood for and were going to convince a group of teens to go along with them. That wouldn't go over well.

"That seemed like a little more than a 'disagreement'." Kane said, staring deep at Jasper. Jasper understood why he was in politics, one gaze from him was uncomfortable and made Jasper want to spill everything.

"Well, it really started when Riley made a not so nice comment about Octavia," Jasper admitted grudgingly.

"What?" Octavia snarled, and Monty leapt up to hold her back immediately, "What did you say, worm?" Octavia demanded, lips curled back. Jasper was really glad all her weapons were back in the canoe, although he was sure she could make a weapon out of anything in this room, if she wanted.

"Not worth repeating," Jasper shook his head, "And don't worry, your honor has been protected by me." Jasper added quite matter-o-factly, "So...no need to hit him again," He said, although that's exactly what Jasper wanted to do.

"The last thing we need is another 'disagreement'," Kane said, which might have almost been a joke, but with that guy, Jasper couldn't quite tell.

"Won't happen again, sir." Jasper said, saluting Kane. Riley made a gagging noise, shaking his head. Kane narrowed his eyes.

"This kind of shenanigans won't be happening right before we leave, you hear me? Especially not there, Jordan."

"Noted." Jasper said. Kane left, grabbing Riley in case, dragging the boy out of the med bay with him, as Jasper was still being attended to.

"What's the damage, Green?" Jasper asked, looking at Monty out of the side of his eyes.

"You look like a gorilla, Jasper." Monty snorted, holding up a cracked mirror. Jasper's whole face was marred with cuts, and lots of places were already bloating. His fingers hovered above his face hesitantly, and when he moved he felt the ache on the top of his skin.

"I'm no doctor, but I think those are gunna leave some nasty bruises," Jasper said, shaking his head.

"You think?" Brad quibbled, as though having to actually do his job was annoying.

"Whatta ya say, Doc-in-training? Will my face ever be back to it's handsome self?" Jasper asked.

"Wasn't all that great looking to begin with." Brad said bluntly, finishing up and taking off his latex gloves with a snap, "Now, if you excuse me, I had a girl that was flirting with me before all that."

"I don't think I've ever heard him talk so much," Monty said, staring after his retreating figure.

He turned to Jasper, biting his lip.

"Out with it, Monty. I can see that look on your face, dying to yell at me." Jasper leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head. The infuriated look on Monty's face told Jasper that was exactly what he was trying to decide if he should do or not.

"You've back back less than a day, Jasper," Monty dragged his hand down his face, "And then this happens?"

"I never liked Riley, just saying." Octavia added, "He's always been kinda smarmy to me, not just because I know he hates all grounders. I mean, I get it, almost."

"Riley had a good throw coming to him long before what he said about Octavia. First, he was trying to guilt me into returning to his death pact and egged me on. Then he said Maya's name, which despite any circumstances said is only to be said by me and maybe you and maybe Octavia. He was really just pissing me off and then he said some low-life scum thoughts on you and really, that was just it." Jasper said.

"Should I be glad you're so noble now," Monty said, looking up at the ceiling, "Stars, I feel like I leave you alone for- wait," He paused, looking back at Jasper, "Did you say he tried to get you to return to a death pact?"

"Uh-huh." Jasper nodded.

"So...you're going to the bunker then?" Monty's whole expression changed on a dime.

"Yep," Jasper let the 'p' sound pop and echo around the room, "Can't let you have all the fun down there," He added, "Thank Octavia," He added after a moment, and Octavia shot him a glance full of many emotions.

"Come on, let's not get all...touchy-feely," Octavia said after a long moment, looking away at the wall with a sharp motion. Monty sniggered.

"I think I will!" Monty said, going up and hugging Octavia, "I don't know what the hell you said to him, what logic you knocked into his brain, but you're my hero, I swear."

"This is far too many hugs for one day," Octavia hissed, "Why do you keep putting me in these positions?"

"It's kinda funny, O. You're like a cat, frantically trying to wriggle away from affection." He teased and the look she gave him was murderous.

"I have to hug you, brother. I seriously thought you were gone. Without telling me? I told myself that if we all died anyway the first thing I was going to do when I saw you on the other side was punch you. After this," He poked Jasper's side, just to annoy him, "In poor taste."

"Dude, ouch. Mind the bruises," Jasper said as Monty enveloped him in a hug that was far more bone-crushing than the one he gave Octavia.

"This is your punishment," Monty said, tightening the hug, "Suffer with love."

Octavia's laughter bounced around the empty walls.

"I'm glad you're laughing," Jasper wheezed in discomfort, "On my account."

"I'm done now. We need to get our shit together. Lots of ground to cover, you know! See you guys at dawn!" Monty said, detaching himself, face so bright it was as though something in Monty had been pulled back to reveal the person before getting arrested, something purer and better than the person he'd had to become since coming here.

"I hope you didn't unpack the canoe too much," Octavia said, holding out a hand.

"Naw, just the mattress," Jasper shook his head, "But then I…" He trailed off. He wondered if it was even worth bringing up, since now they seemed they might only get one night in there before heading off anyway to someplace neutral for both of them.

"What?" Octavia asked, "What was it?"

"It was Lincoln's room." Jasper said quietly, shrugging, "Wigged me out a little."

A dawn of understanding crossed Octavia's features. She frowned, her whole face scrunching, "Oh." She said in a small voice.

"Yeah."

Octavia continued frowning, biting the inside of her cheek as they walked.

"I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I just sorta forgot. Seems stupid and big of a thing to forget but I didn't even consider it his room because I didn't think that the Skaikru was worthy to have him. It was just a space I occupied."

"But it still means something. Or else you wouldn't have trashed it." Jasper said empathetically.

"I did," Octavia raised her chin slightly, not in defiance, but in acknowledgement, "And I was hasty, angry, and didn't feel human. But hey," She said, stopping him, "I don't want you to feel second to him, no more than I want to feel second to Maya, as true as it might be or not be. We agreed that it happened with them, and now it's not. There's no more else."

"I know," Jasper blew air out his nose, "It was just overwhelming for a minute."

"If it's really that upsetting, we can drag the mattress to the hall and sleep out there." Octavia offered. Jasper looked at her, raising one eyebrow. He honestly hadn't expected her to give the room up so easily. Maybe she was less connected to it than he thought. Or maybe she was exactly as connected as he thought but she was being the bigger person here.

"It's fine. Moment of irrationality. I'll still have those," He pointed out, dismissing it with a wave of his hand. Somewhere, Octavia had grown up a lot. But he had too. Now that most of her issues were gone, he was truly realizing she'd turned out okay, all things considered. The jury was still out on him…

Octavia nodded. "I know. But thanks for telling me, i guess. So I can tell you when you're not thinking straight. Those thoughts are toxic, trust me, I know." She said, rubbing her arms. They reached the door of the room and as soon as they were inside, Octavia kicked her feet against the floor.

"What?" Jasper said, "Didn't we just have a long talk about communication?" He asked, slightly annoyed.

"Its Harper," Octavia blurted, "She seems...off. And as her friend now, or whatever she's decided we are, I feel obligated to say something."

Jasper, who had been picking up scattered papers on the floor from way before he and Octavia, back when she trashed the place, paused.

"Off?" He echoed.

"Yes, I...I don't know how to explain it." Octavia groaned, "Like, she was so into us and our relationship. And when I would say things, like how we laughed together or we were healing together she'd just look so forlorn. And then I said something that we might make it, the future, I dunno, and she just got...wistful. And said that she hoped she could make it there with Monty."

"Well, what's strange about that?" Jasper said, "Wanting something else?"

"It's the way she said it. Like she imagined something was going to happen before they could reach that. Knowing. Regretful, almost." Octavia struggled to convey the tone she'd heard in Harper's voice.

"Huh." Jasper leaned back against the wall, "I don't...that is unlike her. She's always been resilient." He rubbed his chin.

"I didn't know her very well, but it was the fact that it was just these little things, and then she'd get all happy again, like she was trying to forget what she said. I don't think she realized she was doing it. I didn't ever mention it," A thought seemed to strike Octavia because she looked guilty, "Maybe she wanted me to bring it up."

Jasper let out a hiss of a breath, "You girls are good at expecting other people to read your minds." He teased lightly, "Look, maybe she's just feeling...a little without hope. It was before Monty had actually found the bunker. If it had been weeks since this place blew, I understand why she maybe was starting to not believe they'd survive." Jasper pointed out. This seemed to brighten Octavia, who nodded.

"Yes. I hope that's it." She agreed, "Because I sort of like having a friend." She added softly, and Jasper could tell it was a huge admission of a secret for her.

"I'm your friend. Monty's your friend." He pointed out.

"Monty is nice to everyone and I fuck you. There's a difference. I messed things up with Clarke, and now we're awkward. I like Raven but she's just so cold, you know? And I guess I did want a girl to share secrets with. I guess I got a little ahead of myself." She sighed.

"You'll get that," Jasper said, rubbing her arms, "We're all gonna be trapped together for five years. You'll get to know each other real well and you'll need friends because there will be days I'll annoy you so much you can't stand to be within thirty feet of me." Jasper assured with a deep laugh.

"I could never find you annoying," Octavia flicked him.

"That's a challenge, my dear. One I plan on-," Someone knocked outside their door. Octavia tilted her head. Jasper slid open the door to find Monty; blotchy faced from crying and looking altogether a mess.

"Holy shit, dude! Is Harp-,"

"She's fine...for now."

Octavia had two very different expressions on her face all at once; complete pity and sorrow for Monty and a keen look of 'I told you' to Jasper. It would be cute if Jasper wasn't a little annoyed she was right.

"I just, I really need to talk to you." He stressed to Jasper.

"You two go. I'll pack, or start." Octavia said after a long moment, sensing that he wanted it to be a private conversation.

They found a place far out of the way, near the communal halls, for everyone was in their own rooms, packing.

"Harperwon'tcome." Monty said all in one breath, and it took a second for Jasper to understand what he said because it came out all in one continuous string.

"Why not?" Jasper asked.

"She's...depressed, or something," Monty said, shaking his head. Jasper loved his best friend, but Monty didn't understand mental illness. He could never understand Jasper's, not truly, and he sure as hell didn't understand this, "She told me she's just...done! She's sick of fighting. Life is a fight right now, I know, but I told her the bunker will be safe...we won't have to fight, but she's not listening. Back when you were gone, there was black rain. Louis was calling out to her, but she didn't have gear on and came inside, and she blames herself for letting him die when she would have died too if she'd tried, doesn't she understand? I told her I loved her but she didn't even care. I just...what do I do?" He asked, sounding completely broken. Jasper just stared at him.

He took a haggard breath, "I called her a coward." He said after, as though just realizing what he'd said now. He looked tied between horrified at himself and angry at her.

"It will be fighting down there. Everyday. Limited food, limited water...extremely close living spaces. The Ark was fighting, we just didn't know it. I agree with her."

"So you're just giving up too, then?" Monty spat, beginning to walk away.

"Dude, listen. I agree with her just on that. But it has to be worth it. I want to believe that. I do believe that," Jasper said with more conviction, "Let me try to talk to her." He offered.

"Why do you think-,"

"Because I understand her in a way you can't. And be glad you can't. I never want you to feel the burden of depression." Jasper said, patting his friend's shoulder.

"Fine," Monty's whole body sagged, "What...should I do?" He seemed so lost. Jasper furrowed his eyebrows.

"Pack up your things, pack up hers, if you can. The thing that I also know about depression is sometimes it seems that they only solution is in reality a permanent act to a temporary problem. There were a lot of times when I left where I was going to kill myself. Twenty, at least-,"  
"Fucking, stars, Jasper," Monty muttered, alarmed, "I had no idea!"

"But, I'm alive right now, aren't I? Because for every bone in my body that wanted to die, I think there were just as many that wanted to live...or knew that I should live. I think maybe Harper will come around, once death becomes real enough."

Monty gave a slow nod, shoulders hunched. "I hope you can get through to her." He said.

Jasper made a quick pace to Harper's room. When he knocked, he heard Harper stifle a sob and say sharply, "Monty, I don't want any of your apologies, leave me alone."

"Not Monty," Jasper said, holding his hands up, "Don't kill me."

"Oh," Harper said, hardly looking up. She did wipe her runny nose, though. She was lying supine on her bed, and she already looked halfway dead, "I mean, Monty obviously sent you so…"

"Nope, here by my own choice." Jasper sat at the foot of the bed, "Why are you doing this, Harper?" He whispered.

"You get it. You did, once." Harper replied tonelessly.

"I still do." He said.

"Then why are you going?" Harper turned to him, "Stay here, with me, with us. Your idea, the one with Riley, that was...great."

"I can't. I have things waiting for me at that bunker," He said, shaking his head, "You do to."

This got Harper to get up, her eyes flaring. "What happens when Octavia decides she's done with you? When you two break up? When you're you're past the honeymoon stage and you realize no matter how much you love someone sometimes it's still not enough?" She demanded, "Because I really love Monty. And it's not enough." She sounded childlike and utterly vulnerable. Jasper wasn't even sure she'd even said as much to Monty yet.

"I don't know," Jasper said honestly, because he wasn't denying the chance it could happen, all those things, "But I know I want to at least be around to see them. And things were bad, and now they're good again. Logic says if things go bad, they're going to get good...like the waves." He said, complete with hand motions.

"I can't go on hope," Harper said, "That's not enough."

"I didn't think it was either, a couple weeks ago. Monty will be crushed, you know? I don't know how I'll help him pick up the pieces." He admitted.

"He's strong, he's not like us. He's not weighed down with dark thoughts. He'll survive," Harper said, looking down. She didn't sound as sure as she probably would have liked to.

"Reconsider it, Harper," Jasper gave a long sigh, "if you stay, you die. You realize that, right? No 'maybes', no 'possibles'. It's final."

"I'm not dumb, Jasper," Harper snapped, "And it would be relief."

"Well," Jasper said, standing, "The one thing I do know is that you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Somewhere, I did. Maybe you and I are different. I've...I love you Harper, as a friend."

Harper's whole body stiffened, and she looked not only down but at the wall, not looking at Jasper pointedly, "And Octavia, she thought she had a friend." That was a low blow, obviously, but Jasper could atone for his manipulation later, he figured.

"She'll find others. She's not as weird as she seems, or makes herself out to be." There was almost a smile on Harper's face.

At the door, Jasper paused.

"May we meet again." He said.

Harper gave a wry smile, looking up, eyes shining with tears.

"We won't."

She got up, and closed the door behind Jasper. He was left in the hallway, cold and haunted, because no one had ever not responded back with the echoed phrase.

Stars, what was he going to tell Monty?

He stayed out a long time. He honestly didn't know how to tell Monty he failed. Maybe Harper would reconsider? He didn't think so. Her words were so...final.

Eventually, as dawn was fast approaching, he had to go back to his room. Monty and Octavia were laughing about something, and everything had been neatly packed back into the canoe, complete with the mattress on top.

"I'm pretty sure Jaha said something about only that necessary and what we can carry, but I mean, not like I want to follow Jaha's orders." Jasper threw out, smirking.

"We can carry this, we did on the way here." Octavia said, "And obviously, it's all necessary. This most of all," She patted the mattress, "The ones down there have been collecting dust and bugs for who knows how long! This one was covered in plastic, so it's all nice." SHe said.

"I don't know where you're gonna put that," Monty shook his head, "All the beds are twin bunks, in barracks."

"All the more reason," Octavia looked horrified, "I'm not shaking up with like 50 other people for 5 years. We'll find a hallway spot, if we have to, put up walls and make our own room." She said.

"I take it it's a big compliment she likes you enough to want to hole herself away with you?" Monty teased.

"Huge," Jasper said, stretching his fingers out.

"I, uh, packed a lot of my stuff. Some of Harper's that was in my room. Most of her stuff is, though, in hers." Monty twitched his leg, "Did you…"

Jasper's face fell.

"Oh," Monty swallowed, "Thanks for trying."

"She really loves you. Like seriously loves you. I just thought you should know." Jasper said.

"It's not enough," Monty said, looking up.

"No," Jasper agreed, because he didn't want to coddle his friend, "It's not."

Monty leaned back, and nodded. There was a resolve on his face, but of what Jasper didn't know. Acceptance, perhaps?

He grabbed Jasper and hugged him tight.

"I failed, dude. I couldn't convince her." Jasper said.

"I know. Just...thank god you're alive." He said, and for a second, it seemed like he was going to say something else, but couldn't. Jasper exchanged glances with Octavia over Monty's hug. She shook her head slowly, meaning she didn't understand the exchange any more than he had.

"You're not going to do something...stupid, are you?" Jasper asked cautiously.

"You do a lot of stupid things for love," Monty shrugged, although that was hardly an answer. One that scared the crap out of Jasper. He wondered, briefly, if this was how Monty felt about him all these months. Jeeze, he really owed Monty a huge apology.

Jaha's voice over the speakers announced that it was time to go. Monty gave Octavia a quick hug too, who didn't freak out as much, and grabbed his bag off the ground.

"See you later, bud?" Jasper called after, but Monty gave no answer. He and Octavia packed on their backpacks, now a little fuller by the additions from this room, and started pushing the canoe out once again. There were a couple comments, mutters under people's breaths when they saw it coming, but one look from Octavia shut everyone up real fast.

Jaha just looked at it with a sparkle in his eyes.

"I suppose you go off on a spirit journey and return alive, you should be allowed to reap and bring what it gave you," Jaha said, which was, in his way, allowing them to drag the canoe to Polis.

"If that's what you want to call it," Jasper responded. He had another response on his tongue, one that said that his spirit journey brought back ALLIE, so maybe that wasn't sound logic, but whatever. Octavia was pleased.

"This isn't everyone," Kane said after doing a headcount, scowling, "Half the kids are missing." Jasper whipped around. Indeed, a lot of kids- or more so, teens were missing. Out of those teens a large quantity where part of the 100. And Monty was gone.

There was a loud echo of a song playing far away, but on max volume, from the area where the makeshift bar was.

"I'll be right back," Jasper said absently to Octavia, following after Kane, Jaha, Bryan, and Miller who bee-lined in that direction.

They reached the area, and it was sealed off completely, the doors air-locked tight. He could see the wires broken and sparking on the other side, near the open button on the wall. The disco lights Jasper had created months ago were on and loud music blared from speakers, drowning out Jaha banging on the glass.

Riley, the little shit, stumbled up to the glass and pressed a hand to it.

"DNR?" Bryan squinted, "Wasn't that a group of government people from earth a long time ago that worked with animals and shit?"

"It's an abbreviation," Jasper felt his voice carry, "Do Not Resuscitate." Anger filled his veins. That had his been his idea, another one he'd bounced off Riley when they were drunk. Riley had taken all of his ideas. Not that he wanted them anymore, but couldn't he be more creative?

"I am going to blow down this door, and you will all come with me!" Jaha yelled, but Riley just gave Jaha the finger and stumbled back to the party.

"What are they thinking?" Kane said, shaking his head, "Do they know what they're doing?"

"They know exactly what they're doing." Jasper said, and everyone whipped around, looking at him, "They're bowing out."

"But...why?" Kane demanded.

"It would take too long to explain it all," Jasper shook his head, "We can't force them to go. They'll just find one way or another to kill themselves." His frank words made Kane flinch and Jaha ground his teeth.

"I think Jasper's right." Miller said slowly, "They know what they're doing." Jasper pressed to the front, trying to see Monty, but the glass was too dirty and the people dancing were too smudgy to make him out.

"We should go now," Kane urged Jaha, "We need to go soon. They know where to find us, if any of them change their minds." He said.

"I just…" Jaha seemed mystified, "I can't let them do this."

"Jaha, look, that's your downfall you've always had. You can't force people to do anything. You can't take away free will even if it's for their best interest. I thought ALLIE would have taught you that." Something in Jasper's words seemed to speak to Jaha because he gave a hard shake of his head.

"We must go, Kane is correct," He whispered, "I pray for them." He said, giving one last long look back.

"Monty? Harper?" Octavia whispered when Jasper returned. He gave a tight nod and he swore he saw tears in her eyes.

"I'm tired of losing people," She said.

"Yeah, me too."

They were the last out of the group, bringing up the rear. Jasper took one long look down the halls, and as he did, he saw a familiar head coming his way. His heart stopped.

"Monty! Thank stars, you almost missed it!" He said, running up to him.

"I'm not going."

"What?" Octavia said, "I will drag you by your ear, Monty Green!"

"I need to stay. For Harper. I do love her enough to do that." Monty said. Jasper nodded.

"I figured. Though I thought you'd just vanish, no proper goodbye, let me figure it out."

"I'm not that big of an ass, unlike some people," Monty said, narrowing his eyes. Jasper winced.

"I was, I agree. But...you want to live...I thought?" Jasper tried to understand this. He didn't.

"I do. That's why I'm staying. In case she changes her mind. Like you said, maybe she'll realize it, and we'll still get there."

"What's going to happen to you if she never does?" Octavia asked. Monty swallowed.

"I just...it won't come to that," He said, but was unsure. Jasper was sure he hadn't thought that far and didn't plan to.

"You better make it in time. Life down there will be unimaginable without you, dude." Jasper threatened. Monty grinned.

"I'll be there." He said, nodding, "Harper will too. Wait and see. Now go, before you get really behind with that obnoxious green thing." He said, motioning to the canoe.

"It's beautiful and you hurt it's feelings," Jasper said in mock horror.

Monty shook his head, and turned around. Jasper was glad. He knew he didn't have the strength to walk away a second time from his best friend with one of the facing death.

There was silence as they walked, behind the rest of the group, far enough away to put distance between the greater numbers and themselves. They felt detached from that group anyway.

"I can't believe Monty stayed." Octavia finally said, tapping her fingers on the wood of the canoe, "I just...stars."

"He's not so different than me," Jasper gave a wry smile, shaking his head, almost angry and upset but also comforted in the meager flicker of hope that he would make it to the bunker, "Staying for her."

"Staying for me, then." Octavia quickly surmised, "But you don't…"

"No," Jasper shook his head, "It's only been a month. I don't know if I realized I loved Maya until after it all anyway, and that was...different. Everything felt rushed. It was all at once, all so violent that a month or however long it was felt like a year. But companionship isn't such a bad thing to have."

"Certainly not," Octavia agreed, "It's what keeps people sane."

They fell behind the group, but Jasper assured her verbally he wasn't worried. Octavia knew the path to Polis like the back of her hand, and as annoying as Jaha was he wouldn't leave out anyone from the ARK, delinquents and illegal children or not. Plus, he seemed so pleased they had returned, and let them carry this monstrous thing through the forest, so it would be obvious they were gone. Maybe he saw something in them, who knows?

When they had fallen so far behind that the chatter of the main group were only faint whispers on the wind, Octavia abruptly dropped her end of the canoe rope and reached out, snatching someone out of the trees and dragging them forward.

"Illian?" Jasper said, scratching his head at the teenage boy.

"He's been shadowing us for the past hour." Octavia said, gritting her teeth, her knives out, "What do you want, Illian? And who let you out?"

"Kane, as soon as it was clear there was another plan, last night." He said, but Octavia didn't loosen her grip on his arm, and she saw Jasper wince. Yeah, she hoped it hurt Illian.

"What do you want, then?" She asked, "Safe passage to the bunker? Because you're mad if you think they'll let you in again-,"

"I just want to talk to you," He said quickly, "Alone…?" He added, narrowing his eyes. Octavia waffled, looking back at Jasper. It was obvious Jasper did not like Illian, and she wanted to see his reaction. Instead, he laughed.

"Oh, go on. If he tries anything you don't like, I know for a fact you'll chop off his balls." Jasper said, waving his hand. Octavia smirked back, he did have a point.

Octavia dragged them just far enough away from Jasper to qualify as 'alone', but Jasper could still see them. She saw Jasper slowly reaching into the bottom of the canoe that had their weapons, pulling out a small knife. Good, the lessons she'd begun to teach him were sinking in. If anything went wrong, Jasper should be ready to attack Illian from behind. She didn't know what kind of fighter Illian was at all, but two against one, he was sure to lose.

"Speak," She demanded, dropping his wrist.

"So, he's your boyfriend now?" Illian asked, glancing back at Jasper, whose weapon was still concealed and he was doing a fairly good job of making himself look like he was not watching them.

"Yeah, and?" Octavia said before she could think through her words. Guess it was so now, she figured. It wasn't the worst thing, and she didn't cringe at the idea. Yeah, boyfriend.

"Well, I'm merely surprised. What I've learned of you Sky humans is most are sentimental about past relationships, mourn for a long time over one person. It is much more like us to move on, for death comes for all but does not stop life around us."

Octavia locked her jaw, she couldn't tell if he was congratulating her or judging her. Whatever the case, she didn't like it either way.

"Look, Illian," She began threateningly.

"I came to warn you," He said, cutting her off. She paused, not convinced but interested now.

"Me? Specifically me?" She questioned.

"Yes, you are a warrior and you were kind to me." He said, "The bunker is not only yours. The other clans have found out. Clarke tried to become the Heda but there was a commotion, a problem I don't know what. Now, it's bedlam. It was decided to have one final conclave; one fighter from each clan to win the bunker for everyone. 12 deaths instead of thousands." He said.

Octavia's head spun from the information. She shook her head quietly.

"Why tell me?"

"We both know why," He said, seeing her tightened grip on the hilt of her knife. Her knuckles were white, "Clarke may be the Wanheada, but she is no war-killer." Illian said, "Who else would it be?"

"But I...I haven't...no," Octavia shook her head slowly, "You can't think that this is going to happen! It seems like a terrible idea." She said, "There must be a way to compromise."

"That time is far over. It will go through. You can either accept it, or die." He shrugged, "I truly hope you don't die."

Octavia took a couple shaky steps back, lip quivering. Illian realized it was time to go, and nodded to her, taking off east into the forest. It wasn't quite to Polis, but it could be. He turned back, for a moment, "It begins in 30 hours. I suppose you have time to contemplate things."

When he was completely vanished, his footsteps no longer echoing on the crushed leaves, Jasper touched Octavia's shoulder.

"What was that about?" He questioned.

"Illian was just trying to seduce me, being a jerk." Octavia said breezily, "I guess I should have seen that coming. Told him to go float himself, but I think he didn't quite understand, you know?" She said. She couldn't bring herself to say anything about this war yet, not when she wasn't sure if he was lying or not. He could be making up a wild tale, but to what end?

Either way, it wasn't anything to worry Jasper with right now.

They managed to full speed ahead and catch up with the stragglers of the group. Octavia didn't want to be separated again, lest Illian come back bearing worse news, like there was no hope or her brother was dead or something else. They made decent time, and by the time they reached Polis, everyone looked sweaty, exhausted, but excited. Why shouldn't they? They were finally going to get to rest until the end of the world, and even then they'd survive it.

But Octavia saw so much more happening around the city. Firstly, no one even noticed them all coming in with their bags, much less stopped them. They were preparing for something bigger...a war. She saw the signs now; the people sharpening weapons, the obstacles being put up, and mostly...the people talking. Octavia was the only one that spoke their language and she heard all about it.

Ilian had not been lying. This was was going to happen in less than 24 hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, the war is setting up! It will still happen, but in different than how it played out in the show, as I'm sure you guys would have guessed by now.
> 
> So Brad! If anyone reads my Bellarke story Project Iphigenia, you'll recognize him as one of my OCs. Others will start to appear, periodically. I figure I have all these great fleshed out The 100 Ocs might as well use em hehe.
> 
> And I always felt like Jasper and Harper could be similar, and that makes sense to me. I feel like our BEST friends end up being opposites, foils of us and the people we date are as well. We surround ourselves by different-set people. So the significant others of our best friends are by that theory, like us. It's been true with all my friends :)
> 
> And Illian appears again! I really liked him and Octavia's relationship...as BROTPs. I wish he had stuck around longer...and they hadn't banged...
> 
> Anyway, please review! It would really give me confidence to keep updating. Either way, I'll go back to the five day thing again...but it would make you nice people to review regardless.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two days late...better than a month, I suppose. I was going to try to upload this at work, since I've been working and writing most of my stories on google docs recently, to try to prevent loosing all my work, but apparently there needs to be something installed to copy and paste things from google docs to other places? Anyway, can't change work computers, so here we are, when I had free time!

Octavia was ansty as they all came down the stairs into the bunker, sighing in relief and streaming off to claim bunks. What was the point when they were all just going to be kicked out later, if no one fought for them? How could she deny the happiness of the children that were already playfighting in the center, the mothers that looked weary but pleased, and the elders that eased themselves to sit on the steps?

"Where should we go?" Jasper asked, face dripping with sweat from helping her carry this thing down. Now, it seemed like a great waste, unless there was something done. And that something was her. That was becoming clearer and clearer by the second.

"We find a place nice and alone from people," Octavia said. As much as she would feel guilty not at least trying for all these people, she didn't want to be around them. She passed by a bunker dorm and say the lines of beds and winced. Definitely not her style.

"Ugg, Mount Weather flashbacks." Jasper scowled, "I agree with you."

It didn't take long to find a closet-like thing that seemed mostly empty, sans a couple of cobwebs, and had just enough room to fit the mattress, the canoe, and walk around both of them. She stood in the doorframe in deep thought, and her eyes followed Jasper's movements. It wasn't until he'd nearly emptied the canoe that she realized what he was doing; setting up. Not just taking things out for the sake of taking things out, but organizing. He was folding their clothing in neat piles, he was laying out the blankets on the mattress, he was setting the family photo up on a pipe that made a good sized shelf.

"What?" He asked mid-chore, noticing her staring.

"I just…" She licked her lips, "You're setting stuff up…" She whispered.

"Should I not?" Jasper suddenly looked horrified, as though he'd overstepped some boundaries they hadn't established, "I just assumed-,"

"No!" Octavia grabbed his fingers, pulling them up close to her, "It's just that it...you seem...it means…" She was having trouble saying it without sounding stupid or like a musy pre-teen.

"It means something permanent," Jasper said, nodding slowly, "It means I plan to stick around."

And she realized he didn't just mean stick around with her, but meant it in the broader sense, that he was going to stick around and stay alive and actively try to, which overwhelmed Octavia in a way she hadn't thought she could feel until now, but she immediately understood it. She had to give him this, now that he wanted it. She would hate herself forever if she passively stood by and let it slip through their fingers.

She turned around and locked the door.

"I thought you'd want to go find your brother, you know," Jasper said, not yet realizing she'd locked them in, still sifting through things, now setting up the books on their 'shelf' in alphabetical order. There was something so adorable in that, a nugget about Jasper he couldn't possibly have told her, she had to just see this, to know that he was clean enough to want things organized, even to titles of books.

"He'll be down here, after it all." She said, "Right now, I just want to be here." She said empathetically. Jasper put down the current two books he was comparing in title to grin, understanding quickly her meaning.

"Hey, I'm not going to say no to that. Celebrating life, then, huh?" He asked, dragging her to the mattress.

He was directive, took control. She enjoyed this change of pace, since usually neither were in change but they both took the moment where it took them. Right now, though, he pull her on top of him, shucking off his shorts and underwear and her own pants too. His fingers found her mound and hers pumped up his shaft a couple times, but it wasn't long until his fingers gripped her waist, pulling her on top of him all at once. There wasn't any other foreplay, no blowjobs or eating her out, as they'd begun to dabble with on their way back, but Octavia didn't mind. She was sure Jasper thought they had years, five to be exact, in this room to do those sorts of things. She wanted to give him that.

And there was a vigor to his movements, one she hadn't seen except one other time, and that was the first time they'd done this, but that vigor had only been a moment. Yet it had been a moment Octavia could tell that for the first time he was no longer sure if he wanted to live or die, stay or go. It had been glorious for that one second when he just let go and truly enjoyed himself, let his less logical side out, but this...this was fantastic.

And she wanted this to be memorable, so she was glad. It was either going to be the last time either of them would get to do this or it would mark the first of many other times, times she intended to make sure he would get. She forgot for a moment they weren't alone anymore, and Jasper had to take a hand off her and put it over her mouth to keep her from making too much noise. She bit down on the fleshy bit of his palm to stop the moans from escaping her mouth, and this new form- this careful and quiet need- was almost as sexy as being able to be loud. There was something naughty in this, and although she locked the door, it was the thought that anyone could walk by and hear them and for some reason that really got to Octavia, and maybe Jasper too because it wasn't long until he was straining up into her and then dropped them both, and she just let herself collapse on top. Neither moved for a couple seconds, until Jasper rolled them sideways, so he was once again around her, like he was protecting her.

Octavia had learned to enjoy her position of little spoon, but today it just felt like a pit in her stomach. She had to protect him, she just had to.

"Ow," Jasper chuckled, bringing his hand to the pale light of the little singular lightbulb, just now they both saw the tooth marks on his hand, nearly breaking the skin.

"Sorry," Octavia winced, chuckling.

"You know, I'm not even mad," Jasper assured, and whens he looked up, he was just grinning. He put an arm around her, and they just lay, catching their breath, and then after, just together. If they gave more of a damn about anyone out there, they might go help unpack or start to analyze what they can and couldn't use in this bunker, but neither made a move.

"I don't think you should go to the war," Jasper said.

"What?" Octavia snapped her head around, "You know about that?"

"I'm not stupid, I'm offended you thought I wouldn't notice. Everyone else might be able to just breeze along, act like all of polis isn't preparing for something that's not the apocalypse, but I did. And I know enough to recognize the word 'war'. Plus, I totally heard everything Illian said." He added at the end.

"Jasper, I have to." Octavia said, digging herself into his chest.

"You could die," Jasper said, fingers clenching around her shoulders, "You could die," He repeated as though she hadn't heard the first time.

"I know! But we're definitely going to die anyway if I do nothing! You think my brother's going to fight this war? Clarke?" She demanded.

"I think neither. I don't think it's going to happen." Jasper said.

"What happened to thinking we didn't have one more miracle in us?" Octavia asked angrily, angry that he was so blind.

"I think Bellamy and Clarke will pull a solution out of their asses like they always do. We got here first. Doesn't finders-keepers mean anything anymore?"

"This isn't time for joking," Octavia snapped, "And you have a lot of faith in two people you dislike a whole lot."

"I never disliked your brother. He pissed me off for a while, yeah, because he acted so self-righteous and all, but he's always been Bellamy. I like him. And Clarke? The reason I don't like her particularly a lot usually is because she is crafty. I'm betting that she'll do something crafty again." He said, leaning back against the pillow, "So no reason for you to go off and risk your goddamn life," He muttered under his breath.

Octavia bit her lip. It would be a risk. She was a great assassin, yes, but there was no honor in that. She slit peoples throats while they were pissing, drunk, or asleep. She didn't have nearly enough hand-to-hand combat with Indra as she would hope going into this. But she had more than anyone else here.

"Think guns are banned?" Octavia asked, wincing at their set of guns.

"I think we shouldn't even talk about this, even hypothetically because you're not going." Jasper argued back, "But," He sighed, "If you were, yes, I do. That would obviously be a very high advantage. Plus, I've never seen you shoot a gun."

"How hard is it? Like shooting a bow, eh?"

"Not even," Jasper shook his head, "But that would give anyone a high advantage that's just not...no, these grounder types are all about the traditionals."

Octavia hated to admit he was likely right.

"Just, stay here, please." Jasper said, turning to her, his eyes big and liquid and completely convincing.

"Okay," Octavia said, but her throat tightened as she told a lie.

Jasper always slept well after having sex, so when they decided it was nearly bed time, it didn't take long for him to be snoring on his pillow. The one other thing, other than killing of course, that she'd learned to do competently as an assassin was to sneak quietly in and out of places. Therefore, she didn't make a sound and didn't wake Jasper as she crept out, weapons packed into her traditional warrior garb she hadn't touched in weeks and soot smeared across her face, now bearing a mixture of Lincoln's and a Skaikru sign for Jasper across her face, and left.

Jasper didn't even stir.

She also made it out of the bunker like a cat slinking around, crawling among the shadows, until she was out and made her way to the throne room where she had a feeling the warriors were gathering. She felt a little queasy; killing had been easy when she felt nothing. But now, maybe it would be the same. She was fighting for something more, and that made all the difference. Or, she hoped.

When she entered the antechamber, she immediately saw Indra, Kane, her brother, and Clarke. Indra spotted her first, a rare smile alighting her face, realizing her intentions before she had announced them. Kane looked like he was going to be sick, Bellamy looked angry, and Clarke looked defeated. All their attempts, whatever it had been, to stop this war had not yet happened.

"Octavia! My god, you're back!" Bellamy said, eyes wide, acting like she was a ghost. She must look the part; face gritty and eyes darkened. He wouldn't have heard the news of her if they the hadn't been to the bunker yet.

"And Jasper?" Clarke questioned.

"Safe, down there." She tilted her head to indicate the bunker. Clarke sighed in relief. She wished Jasper could see that Clarke's intentions, although often misguided, were pure in matter and she did care for him. For all of them.

"What are you doing here, though?" Kane finally asked, scrutinizing her outfit.

Octavia blinked, surprised that Indra was the only one who had figured such and was looking proudly at her, "I'm here for the war."

Octavia slipped away in the dead of night, from her place besides Jasper, silent like the warrior she was. She left a note, but goddamn it...Jasper was pissed. If she didn't think he was going to follow her, she was crazy.

He left immediately after finding the note, saying that 'they both knew she had to do this', which was not true, by the way. He hastily threw on his clothes from the previous night, and stumbled out of the closet, shutting the door behind him. He was sure that everyone else was too busy doing other things to bother their little room, and at this point, who knew if Octavia was going to come back?

He passed Jaha, who didn't notice him, and saw he was already delegating tasks, jobs, just...things. If he had more time to think about it, he'd really be irked. Any delinquent here thought Jaha's time was long gone and if Jaha was honest with himself he hadn't been a leader of anyone for a long time, at least, not a leader that did any good. Jasper thought he was being a little too quick to start all this, when obviously Bellamy and Clarke were their leaders. And, if people had problems with 'children' leading them, Kane and Abby. Given those options, he wasn't mad. He liked Kane and Abby, even if Clarke's mother was a little overwhelming at times. Kane was a good guy. But Jaha? He needed to just...stop.

But, because he was so preoccupied with making jobs no one needed to do right now, Jasper slipped out of the bunker easily. Jasper wasn't sure he'd heard about the war yet, and Jasper sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to tell him.

He was pretty sure it hadn't been long since she slipped out, since he saw just down in the center they were pounding a pole into the ground with their sigil, so she had to be close by, and nothing had started yet. He wasn't sure what he expected to do; once Octavia set her mind to something she was rigidly set, but he had to try. He had to see her. He, of all people, shouldn't be pissed about the whole 'leave without any farewell' thing, but no one was perfect.

At the gate to the lower floors of the building, where he had been told by a passing grounder this is where the tributes were, he was stopped by two armed guards.

"Tributes or family only," One said in a low voice.

"I am family, of Octavia Kom Skaikru." Jasper hoped he was saying that right. One of the guards scrutinized him.

"Octavia has one brother, he's already here." The second guard said firmly, widening their stance.

"Yes, I know. I'm Octavia's partner. You know, mate? Lover? Whatever the hell you all call it," Jasper rolled his eyes. He had the fleeting realization that in each conversation they had he and Octavia were steadily upping the stakes of their title to others, even if alone they hadn't wanted to call it much of anything.

Maybe it was the fury and determination in his eyes, maybe it was the fact he was the first male coming around claiming to be with Octavia, but whatever it was, they let him pass. It wasn't without great hesitation on their part, though, but maybe they figured if he was lying they could just as easily impale him on one of those pointy looking staffs.

The door opened and Octavia was the first person he saw, tying up her boots.

He didn't even think that a grand hug would be a motion to prove to the guards his claim, but he did so anyway and they both turned around.

"Jasper, you...I…" Octavia struggled for words as his arms pulled her in.

"You're a fucking idiot, you know? You thought I'd just stay there?" He demanded into her hair, "I'm so pissed at you."

"I hoped you'd stay," She sighed, shaking her head, "I knew there was a chance...I thought maybe if you slept in like I know you like, by the time you woke up, it would all be over." She said, pouting.

"And you might be dead," Jasper said sharply, "I'm not losing you."

"Have a little faith in me, Jas. Do you really think I'm such an easy target?" She asked, squeezing his side softly, "Bellamy didn't have much faith in me either. I kindly told him to shove his concerns elsewhere, but I'm not going to tell you that." Octavia said, a weak attempted to joke.

"Is it worth it?" Jasper asked quietly, running his fingers over her many scars she'd accumulated since earth.

"To have a place to live? Jasper, you can't be serious." She shook her head slowly. A thought dawned across her, "You aren't-,"

"I'm asking for you." Jasper said, leaning up against her, "Is this fight worth it? Do you really want to possibly die to be locked under another floor for five years, with Jaha? I'm not saying we just die. I'm saying maybe we vanish, just the two of us. Maybe Becca's lab or bunker is safe. We're smart people, I'm sure we could figure out how to plant and-,"

"Jas, we have a high chance of dying that way." Octavia cut him off, shaking her head.

"You have a chance of dying here! What's the difference? If you die, apparently, I do too." He pointed out, "And I'd have to die after you, without you." He said, "I don't mean to be all gushy, but I just started liking life again, you know?" He grumbled.

"Who do you think I'm doing this for? The people from the Ark?" Octavia pulled a face like she sucked on a lemon, "No, I'm doing this for you. I'm fighting for you." She said, "Not even my brother, because I know he'll figure out a way to live. No one is going to fight for us so I might as well."

"Me?" Jasper felt his breath leave him a little, "All...for...me?" He wasn't accustomed to having so much given to him.

"I promised you we'd live. I intend to uphold that. I dragged you here and I'd hate myself if I didn't try to give you the bunker. I intended to talk to Indra- Roan too- anyway...maybe, if I don't win, and her tribute does, she could be so kind to give you a place. I had plans, you know, backup plans." She admitted quietly, "It's going to be difficult. I'm not going to lie. Illian is a tribute, and he's a friend. Roan is fighting and he's...impressive. Luna came to fight, and she fights for death because she has no one else. And she prepared for this, so who knows." Octavia blew out a long breath.

"All because of me?" Jasper was still a little shell-shocked. There was also a lot of information coming at him. Luna, the tribute of death? If Octavia didn't seem so sure about, he would have told her that couldn't be right.

Octavia's fingers brushed against his face, and she gave a vulnerable smile.

"Is it really so difficult to imagine?"

Before he could answer, the doors opened and Indra walked in. Jasper shrunk away, because Indra was an intimidating gal, but Octavia brightened and went to her with an open face.

"Octavia, you are alive...and here and I still can't believe it." Indra said, "When I had heard you'd vanished and Helio was sent back to camp, I admit I feared the worst. When I saw you arrive to fight, I almost convinced myself I was dreaming."

"Just needed some time to set my head straight, I guess." Octavia replied. Indra's eyes traveled to her face, taking in her sooty markings.

"I see it is not merely Lincoln in your honor anymore," She commented. Jasper strained to see what the hell she meant by that, but when Indra's eyes flickered to him, he got the idea without her having to elaborate more.

"We...it's not…" For the first time, Octavia seemed flustered about their relationship. He was pretty sure that she'd told him that Indra trained Lincoln for some time, so yes, to her it might seem disrespectful she was with him now. Instead, Indra shook her head.

"I do not need your reasons. A warrior is nothing without a meaning. When you were as you were before, a Skairippa, I was concerned but I felt it is what you needed then. You see now the error of that?"

"Yes, completely," Octavia gave a confident nod, "I was killing for no purpose other than to kill."

"That is not enough for a true warrior. We fight for life. I cannot condemn you for taking in that life in whatever form it may come," She almost smiled, "Unless, of course, it becomes a distraction on the field…" Jasper got the impression it was more of a light jest than a warning.

"No. Jasper is my reason I fight." She said honestly, pulling Jasper to stand side by side with her.

"Do you fear losing him?" She asked.

"Yes, terribly. I know the feeling and I can't imagine going through it again." Jasper had frankly never seen Octavia so open, not even really with him, as he was here. He was absorbing all this, but unsure on where it left them, in more intimate terms.

"Fears is good, and fear is natural. I am glad you are afraid, as strange as it may sound. You are allowed to have these emotions, I encourage them. Not to let them overtake you on the field, but instead to guide you. Let your feelings for him lead you to victory."

"Indra, I-,"

"I came to give you this. It is tradition that when a mentor feels their apprentice is ready to graduate past their teachings, they give them a weapon that was given to them by their mentor. You are ready," Indra said, withdrawing a wrapped object from her backpack.

Octavia was speechless and motionless, so Jasper took it and carefully untied the twine from the parcel on the dirty floor of the practice field, unveiling a sword. It wasn't the most glamorous thing Jasper had ever seen, nor the worst, but something in between. But from the sound in the back of Octavia's throat, it meant something. She carefully reached down for it, her fingers hovering above the hilt.

"I understand the tradition, and I am honored you think I'm ready...but Indra, why?" Octavia looked up, truly confused, "We are fighting against each other. By giving me this, by helping me, you risk your own tribe's chances, your own people?" She said. Jasper's head shot back up to see Indra's reaction, as he hadn't even realized this, but knew it was true. It hurt his heart, a little, for Octavia. Indra was worth more than anyone in the bunker right now, he thought bitterly. And here they were, throwing themselves into another pointless war, the final war.

"Octavia," Indra said, the warmest Jasper had ever heard her tone. It was tinged with amusement, as though there was something so clear that Octavia just wasn't seeing, that was slipping her notice, "You are my people."

Octavia hastily shoved the sword into Jasper's hand and threw her arms around Indra's neck, tightening them into a long hug. Indra not only allowed it, but sank into it.

"Can...you get my brother?" Octavia asked her in a very small voice, "I feel like I need to have a proper talk with him." Indra stepped back from their hug, nodding.

"We will return before the game starts. I have faith in you, Octavia."

"Well, that was a Hallmark moment," Jasper said. He wasn't sure what a 'Hallmark Moment' truly was, it was just one of those expressions that had been around forever. Octavia looked at him strangely, and he remembered she hadn't been exposed to slang around the Ark like the rest of them.

"If you mean what I think you mean," Octavia nudged him, "I mean, look, she's...she's like my mom. I know i had a mom but...it's probably a stupid thought." Octavia said, taking the sword from Jasper's hands and swinging it around a couple times.

"Naw, your thoughts are never stupid." Jasper brushed her concerns away, "Careful with that," Jasper said as she turned to swing it a couple more times experimentally, "You might cut off both of our favorite appendage of mine."

"Do you ever think about things that aren't sex?"

"I read somewhere a male thinks about sex every twenty seconds. I'd say that's pretty accurate. If I didn't understand the gravity of this situation, I'd be badgering you for a quickie against that pole." He teased.

"As tempting as that is…" Octavia lunged forward, ducking and set the sword down, "I should probably, you know, prepare? Stretch a little…" She winced, pulling her arm above her head.

Jasper looked around, seeing other tributes beginning to appear in this waiting center.

"I think I'm going to take a casual walk." He said and Octavia looked at him funny. If she were the brawn of the two of him, he was going to take his title of brains (and beauty, obviously) very seriously and see exactly who she was up against. It was the least he could do because, as he very well figured, he wasn't going to talk her out of this.

The good thing about being Jasper, and without it being said, being a delinquent and a kid, was that most of the tributes didn't look his way. He made a special effort to steer clear of Luna or Illian or Roan, but he lurked along the shadows, carefully memorizing each other candidate. Most gave him angry snarls or half-hearted glances but no one accused him of looking in places he shouldn't or whatever. Most of them probably assumed they wouldn't be seeing him in the bunker anyway, and that the people from the sky would be the first to go, so why bother with a noisy kid anyway?

By the time he had returned after his scouting expedition, Kane and Bellamy had appeared next to Octavia.

"Jasper, you're alive." Bellamy's face was caught between shock and joy, "How?"

"Long story," Jasper dismissed, waving a hand.

"What are you doing here is the question, I suppose," Bellamy asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Erh-,"

"I want him here," Octavia said firmly, "Now can we all just shut up and focus on me for a sec?" She asked, and immediately Bellamy's attention turned back to her.

"Once again, I'm going to tell you, if you choose not to fight-,"

"Don't be stupid, Bell. It's done. I'm in. No going back now." Octavia cut him off, "Please, just, let me do this." She begged, vaguely similar to the plea she'd given Jasper way back at the start of the adventure they'd gone on. It had the same effect on Bellamy as it did on Jasper for he gave a long nod.

"Thought you'd say that," He grumbled.

"I've watched what I can," Kane cut in, thinking the same as Jasper had, and launched into his collections. Jasper supplemented where he could, and between him and Kane he felt better, knowing that Octavia now knew every dominant hand, injury, weapon, and statistic about the the other's she'd be up against. Bellamy watched him the whole time, still trying to figure out why he was here. It was a reasonable question, although not one Jasper particularly wanted to get into right now, or ever.

"You know, O, this is all fine and good but," Bellamy pressed his lips together, "You don't have to kill everyone. Just the last one." He held up a finger. Kane, Octavia, and Jasper all turned to Bellamy, the thought clearly never crossing any of their minds. This right here is why Jasper enjoyed Bellamy as a leader.

"He's right, O," Jasper said, becoming excited, "What can you do better than anyone else? A kick-ass game of hide-and-seek! Luna might have trained for the fight but she didn't train for this. You just have to kill the strongest warrior left, and if you've been waiting the whole time you'll be ready." Jasper said, grabbing her fingers, trying to encourage her to do this instead.

"I never…" Octavia frowned, in thought, "I don't think anyone else will be going that route," She added quietly.

"Bellamy," Kane gave an appreciative nod, "Good thinking."

In the distance, the sounds of the drums rolled up, quiet, like a coming thunder. Octavia went stiff, and Jasper realized this was the sound of drums calling them to the war.

"Bellamy…" Octavia turned, gnawing on her lip, "I…" She began to say, but something stopped her. Jasper wanted to nudge her to tell him that she loved him already, since that's what it was, but it wasn't the time nor place.

"You, ah, be safe." Bellamy offered and went in for the most awkward hug between anyone Jasper had ever seen. Octavia took a step toward the light where the other warriors were streaming to, but then did pause, turning back to grab Jasper's face and kiss him hard. Welp, he hadn't been about to do that in front of her older brother, but he was glad for it.

"In case I-,"

"Stay safe, and we'll meet again." Jasper assured quietly, under his breath. She nodded tugging herself away from her family and out into the light.

Kane, Bellamy, and Jasper were shuffled with the other loved ones to the main throne room where Gaia stood with a telescope, watching the games intensely. Jasper could feel Bellamy's heated gaze on the back of his neck and was doing a dandy job of ignoring it. He saw Bellamy's eyes flicker between the windows and Jasper, clearly trying to decide which was the more important to him right now. Eventually, he caved, dragging Jasper to a small alcove. Kane held up his hands as Jasper sent him a pleading gaze, saying that this was far outside his jurisdiction.

"What the hell was that?" Bellamy demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Jasper asked, shrugging.

"Oh, come one," Bellamy spat, "You. My sister."

"Ah," Jasper chuckled, "This talk. I think Octavia can decide things for herself you know, so she'd kill you if she knew this was happening."

"That's not-,"

"Did you have this talk with Lincoln? Course not, he was scary as hell, plus not a huge talker. And he might have snapped a bone, who knows? We all know you had a talk with Atom, and that went over real well…"

"Jasper, goddamit, for one second!" Bellamy interrupted him, pushing him lightly against the wall, "Look, understand it from my perspective. If you had no idea what was going on between Harper and Monty, you'd ask around for his sake, wouldn't you? Because he's your brother? Feel out Harper?"

"Well, I know Harper so, not really."

"Fine, shit comparison. But you get it?" Bellamy looked just exhausted, not even angry, just...tired.

"Bellamy, I don't know what to tell you. I'm sure most of it, you don't want to hear." Jasper said, almost smiling at his obvious discomfort, "But you're my friend, so I'll be straight. I don't love her, but I care for her. Like a lot." Jasper played with the hem of his shirt, "And she does for me too. And sometimes it's nice just not to be alone, you know?" He asked quietly.

Bellamy's face instantly broke and he gave a nod, "Yeah. I do." He agreed, "She seemed...happy, so I guess I really can't complain." He added.

"Yes, I'm much less likely to jump off a cliff and she's much less stabby and murder-y." Jasper agreed.

"You just have such a way with words," Bellamy commented dryly. There was commotion up front, and both boys turned as Gaia gave a strangled cry before announcing that Trikru and another clan has fallen.

"Shit, Indra…" Jasper murmured, eyebrows knitting together, recalling how open Octavia had been with her. As much as he knew if they expected to live that Octavia would win and they would not, it still felt like a stab in the gut to know that she would die within a couple days.

"She was good for her," Bellamy seemed just as distressed, "I hope Octavia took our advice," He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Jasper snorted.

"Since when has she ever done anything we ever asked her to do?" Jasper asked, "Well, except for, you know during kinky times". Bellamy's glare was murderous.

"Say that again and I'll push you out a window."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh Bell being uncomfortable and protective of O with Jasper, that never really changes in my stories ;)
> 
> Please make my day and review!


	7. Chapter 7

As Octavia dove under a pile of metal and boxes after the first bell rang to avoid the angrily slashing knives, hiding out and trying her damn best to take the advice she'd been given to lay low, she tried to remember all that Indra had taught her.

Pressing her stomach close to the muddy ground, she pressed a hand over her mouth to still her breathing, because she was sure her terror was making her breathing erratic and that might alert someone to her position. Plus, she just needed to calm the fuck down. Scared people made mistakes. Scared, distracted people did not win battles.

As she was replaying battle positions and anatomy lessons from Indra in her head, a thought echoed in her mind, something Indra had told her right at the beginning of their training, when Octavia had been young and eager to prove herself.

A warrior does not kill in battle because he wants to; he kills because he must.

At that time, Octavia had nodded sagely. She'd thought that she had understood what it meant. She thought she understood the meaning of it. But, looking back, she really hadn't at all.

She had a bolt of understanding too, that Indra had let her go about her little assassin ways because that is what she needed to do to survive the horror of losing Lincoln, to move on. It was admissible to her.

But this, in this war? Maybe that would be everyone else's mistakes. They were all swinging their swords around like they intended to cut down every person that came their way, and would do it to themselves in time. They were killing because they thought the should, not because they must.

And here, Octavia was, and she didn't want to kill a single person. But she had to, and she would, because her need to was stronger than her want to. And that's how it all clicked into place.

She'd feel bad if she had to kill Luna or Roan or Illian. Even if Luna had gone off the deep end, she had always been kind to Lincoln and this fear, this sense of hopelessness twisted people. Luna was merely human. Roan was a good leader, despite his mother. He was the sort of person that, in another life, in a different solution, Octavia would have liked to be down in the bunker because he would get stuff done. And Illian? Damn, he may be annoying, but the kid was growing on her. Especially because she'd seen how haunted he'd looked. He was scared witless too. Maybe he was smart, like she was, and hiding?

She shifted to get a view of a scuffle happening in the open area right outside her hiding place.

In the front, throwing up dust, was Roan battling a man with an oversized hammer. She almost feels sorry for the man, swinging his weapon around like a maniac; it was obvious he was never going to win against Roan. Roan grabs the hammer right from his hands and savagely knocks him over the head with it. Once is all it takes, and the sound is sickening as he goes down. Roan nodded solemnly to his dead body, before yanking off the tag around his neck. Octavia shifts and her leg kicks a drum, and the sound echoes for a moment before she's shushing the reverberation with her palms.

Roan doesn't hear it, but it alerts someone from the shadows, and although she thought she was well-hidden, her attempt to quiet the metal has left her slightly visible. She locks eyes with a man wielding two daggers.

"Fio…" Her voice carries louder than she meant it to, and in reality, she never meant to speak at all. She's horrified that she even made a squeak, but also that this is Fio she must fight. She hadn't a good chance to look at Trikru's tribute, but this makes sense.

She knows Fio, not as well as Indra, but well enough. There's a reason he's the one fighting for his clan...he very skilled, arguably maybe even better than Indra because the warriors he trains are heros. But he and Indra are friends, colleagues even. He trains men, mostly, and Octavia never wanted anyone but Indra.

On the days that Indra felt Octavia truly needed to be tested, she'd set her up against Fio, especially because he was a non-biased competitor. Basically every time, he'd knock Octavia flat on her back until she was bruised and bleeding and she gave up. And then he'd always help her back up, poking her sore arms and telling her what she'd done wrong. He would bring them all plates of food- because he also was an excellent cook and Octavia never could have imagined radioactive squirrel would actually be appetizing- and Indra would give her the night to rest and they'd sit up, talking, teaching Octavia the language, sharing stories. Sometimes, Lincoln would join them. But even when he didn't, Octavia felt like she belonged at this little fire pit, her whole body aching and her stomach full, using her hands to describe what the Ark looked like (at least; what she'd seen of it).

He'd been kind. And now, he was here to kill her.

In the time she remembered all of this, Fio had taken a single step. By now, she could see his eyes. There wasn't an apology, but there was desperation. Octavia reckoned right now those were the same thing.

He didn't even get another step before Roan roared back through the clearing, knocking Fio to the ground like a lion pouncing, and they both hit the mud with an 'ouf' sound. Octavia wants to call out, telling Fio to get up, but she bites her palm to keep from doing so. First, it would only give away her hiding place, and second...Fio had been ready to kill her; he wouldn't have hesitated.

She's glad it's over quickly; before Fio can even get up, his fingers grasping out on the ground for his knife, Roan has unsheathed his sword and stabbed Fio right through the chest, in the heart. Fio does not linger in this world; his eyes dim immediately and his head slumps.

"Trikru has fallen!" Roan proclaims as he snatches the tag from Fio too. Octavia tries to make herself as tiny as a mouse as he tromps by, and only when he is gone- for sure, because it's been long enough for him to be yards and yards away, does she move. She has to look once more, be sure Fio is dead.

When she is so sure, an agony rips through her that she didn't expect. Not for Fio precisely, but for his whole clan. Mostly, for Indra. How unfair it is that this is it; it's over so quickly. She imagines Indra dying in a fiery wave of death within the next couple days and it's almost unimaginable.

She must get up, though. She will mourn for Indra and for the people that took her in, even monetarily, when she has won. She is a warrior and she will go on.

She runs across the clearing, stopping to swoop in and pick up the two swords that are dropped near Fio's nearly touching fingertips. She knew from talking to Indra and Fio that they had trained together as children; and part of ending the training is to make your own weapon-something Octavia may have done, had time been kinder on them. Fio had been awful at forging and creating, but Indra had not, so she'd cheated (the only time she ever admitted to doing such things) and she had been the one to make him the handles, and he'd had time to work on the blades. While they'd been made to his specifications, they'd also been made to Indra's and Fio had joked that they were 'twin blades', and during war she'd seen them seamlessly throw one to the other, back and forth to use.

She would keep these as a memento for not what Indra taught her, but Fio.

She saw another pocket of metal space that would be good for diving into, but before she could get there, something slashed against her side. She gasped, faltering, turning around to see Luna.

"Octavia…" She shook her head, "Lincoln would be disgusted in what you've become." She said. Octavia ground her teeth. She didn't think this was baiting at all; she could tell that Luna truly believed that. Somehow, it hurt more that way.

Octavia doesn't turn her back on Luna, but backs into an open chamber, full of hanging things and dark lighting.

"Because I care what your opinion is," Octavia shrugged, but Luna had known Lincoln...would he? No, she mustn't think like this right now.

"I've seen you with that other boy. So soon? Lincoln was loyal, but you are not." Luna said.

"Look," Octavia said, dodging a blow, "You don't get to talk about him, make any judgements about him, or about me. Not when you fight for death." Octavia said.

"I? I fight for what's right! We all deserve to die! Be wiped from the earth like bugs on a window pane!" Luna snarled back, "Don't you see? We are all guilty! Lincoln was guilty, you are guilty, I am-,"

Octavia slashed out, breaking the ropes holding the pipes. They clattered down and Octavia managed to mostly jump out of the way, except for one that hit her left arm hard, which was going to surely bruise.

"You talk too much," Octavia said dryly, "But somehow...I remember Lincoln telling me that once."

Luna was dazed, blood running down the side of her head. Octavia raised her sword, inches from Luna's neck, but shook her head. This was going to bite her in the ass later, she was sure of it, but she just...couldn't. Even if she must. She was weak right now, and Indra would scold her.

She turned, walking away.

"You cannot hide forever Octavia Blake!" Luna screamed after her, and she heard the heavy shifting as Luna tried to free herself from the metal constraints.

Physically hiding? Yes, she was. But that had kept her alive nearly 18 years, so she wasn't going to complain about that. Mentally? Naw, Luna didn't see her at all, not truly. For the first time, Octavia felt like it was all in the open.

The further away she got, the more the pain in her side became more unbearable. By the time she stumbled into a shack, something that had once been someone's house, she was falling all over her feet, clutching her side. She could feel the blood seeping through her shirt, dripping down her arm. It had been deeper than she'd thought. Judging this, she wasn't sure it would stop on her own, and that could kill her as it was. She found their bedsheets and used her knife and teeth to rip wide strips of it away. Padding one up, she pressed it hard and began to wrap the remaining sheets around it so tight it hurt; but less so than the wound. This would at least help it, putting pressure on it. Her fingers were slippery and she found she was having difficulty keeping the right amount of tightness with the bands.

"Need a hand?"

Octavia went as stiff as a deer, eyes wide as she snapped her head up, one of Fio's knives between her teeth, fingers still pressed to the wound.

"Illian, shit," She mumbled through the knife, minding the blade and her tongue.

"I'm not here to kill you, I promise," Illian said, frowning, coming hands up, "Here let me just-," He started to go to help her tie it, but she jumped back. She reached up with one shaking hand, grabbing the knife.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" She asked warily.

"Because I just am!" He said, actually stomping his foot, which under different circumstances would have been hilarious. And it was stupid, but she trusted him.

"Fine," She agreed, mostly because she was starting to feel dizzy and she needed to do something about this right now. She pressed her fingers to the cloth, which she was pleased to see had not soaked through yet, as Illian tightly wrung the bed sheet strips around her, until the pain wasn't so bad anymore.

"I didn't know you were the best fighter of your clan," Octavia said quietly, tilting her head. He was a child. He couldn't have been older than her!

"There isn't many of us left," Illian said, knitting his eyebrows as he worked, "Maybe a little over 200, maybe less. Most elders or mothers or children. We are farmers, not fighters. My brothers would have been better, but they, ah," He looked away.

"Oh," Octavia said, "You're obviously not a good fighter. You should have killed me when I was trusting you," She sighed.

"I'm not like that," Illian said, "I never meant to kill anyone, not even with your hunk of metal. I would never...I can't, not after ALLIE was in my head," He forced out through gritted teeth.

"Thank you," Octavia put her shirts back on and re-donned her weapons. She gave him a sad look, "You realize the next time I see you...I'll have to kill you?"

Illian grimaced, "Yeah. I know. I know." It seemed like he did.

Octavia ducked her head, letting someone live a second time. God, if Indra was here, she might just kill Octavia herself in frustration.

"I haven't seen Octavia anywhere, and neither has Gaia," Bellamy mumbled, coming back to sit next to Jasper. The main windows were crowded with the members of the group who's tributes were still alive; but it was stupid anyway. It only showed a fourth, maybe, of the battleground and really only Gaia had a good view.

"She's hiding, we hope," Jasper said, "It's not a bad thing," He offered up with a hopeful smile.

"If this is the only time in her frustrating life Octavia listens to me, I won't ever complain again," Bellamy agreed, holding up his hands.

Near the front, a couple people gasp and some start to cry. "There's some commotion up there, let's see what it is. Seems like it's not Octavia," Jasper said, nodding to the windows where Gaia is scanning around, to confirm deaths.

Bellamy stands, although he just sat and Jasper leads him over to the windows.

"Ah, tough break." Jasper says, clicking his tongue and pointing to a person laying riddled with arrows in the bottom of the city, "I don't think he's gunna walk that one off."

"Impossible…" Bellamy mumbles.

"Uh, he's been hit like 12 times, one through his head! I really, really, really think he's dead." Jasper says, punching Bellamy's arm, "Shouldn't we be happy, you know?"

"No, it's…" Bellamy pulls Jasper away from the main area. Jasper notices for the first time that Bellamy now looks sweaty, nervous probably, he figures, "Jasper, no one had arrows!" He hisses. Jasper thinks back to his walk through the tributes, and he realizes that Bellamy is completely correct.

"No!" He shakes his head, "You don't think-,"

"It's Ice Nation arrows," Bellamy says, narrowing his eyes, recalling a certain brunette that seemed particularly skillful at aiming.

"Yeah, I'd remember those little fuckers anywhere," Jasper agreed, "Pressed up right next to one…"

"Jasper, they had a knife to your throat, not arrows," Bellamy rolled his eyes. Jasper rubbed along his neck where there was still a faint scar, shrugging.

"I saw 'em, though. They coulda used it on me." He pointed out, "Look, I'm just saying I agree with you."

Bellamy hoped on the balls of his feet. Jasper narrowed his eyes.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, following Bellamy as he made his way, carefully and quietly, to the door.

"Shush! Just stay back here, I'll be back soon...I hope." He added, gulping a little.

"No way! If you're the king of not-well-thought-out-plans, I'm the god of them! Whatever you're planning, I'm in!" Jasper rubbed his hands together.

"This isn't a little frolic, this is dangerous," Bellamy shook his head, "It's not a game!"

"I didn't say it was," Jasper argued, "I'm just saying I'm going too!"

"Jasper, I understand, you're not exactly-,"

"I'm not trying to get myself killed, not right now at least. You're doing this for Octavia, and well, so am I!"

"Octavia is my sister," Bellamy said shoving him back a little.

"And she's my-she's Octavia." He stuttered out, "And I like her and she likes me."

"You sound like you're eight," Bellamy rolled his eyes, "I trump you, like a thousand times over!"

"What the hell are you two arguing about?" Kane interrupted, pulling them farther away, "You two are both children!"

"Nothing," Jasper said cheerily, and Bellamy just looked anywhere but Kane's face.

"What are you two planning?" Kane asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Planning? Why would you think we're planning something?" Bellamy asked, rubbing his neck.

"Something stupid," Jasper answered Kane.

"Are you two insane? If you two go out there, you'll get us eliminated! We actually have a chance to win this, you know? I don't want to be optimistic, but are you two so narrow minded that you would really-,"

"But we don't! Echo is out there right now, playing as a second Ice Clan tribute, killing people! It's totally unfair and with someone no one knows to look for, she'll win for sure!"

"You can't be saying that she would be so bold," Kane narrowed his eyes.

"Look at the evidence, no one brought arrows out there, yet somehow, that last warrior died from arrows."

A look of realization and horror dawned on Kane's face.

"Fine," He snapped, angry at Echo, Jasper thought, more than them, "But for stars sake, do it at night, so you have a semblance of a chance to not be killed on the spot for cheating. My god…" He said, walking away, shaking his head.

"Oh," Jasper winced, "Yeah, he's probably right."

"Dark will come soon," Bellamy said nervously, "Then, we go right away."

"Do you have a game plan?"

"I'll figure one out when we get there," Bellamy said, and Jasper was pretty sure, for one of the first times ever, Bellamy truly wasn't joking.

Octavia found multiple little holes to hide out in until darkness fell. She wasn't trying to over exert herself, not with her side hurting. It was still bleeding, a little, although not as bad as before by any means. She didn't think anyone else had been killed yet, past the three or four she saw laying out, but that meant there was still some very formidable opponents out there. Not like she thought Roan would just go down in the first couple culls.

Because it's dark the next place she jumps to, to avoid staying one place too long, she doesn't realize it's not completely enclosed until it's too late.

"Ah, the little girl of the games. The," and then he says a word Octavia doesn't recognize in their language, but the infliction is clear enough. Grounder-whore. That does make her furious. She will kill these men. For her own honor, if nothing else.

There's three of them, and Octavia has to admit to herself that even if she wasn't wounded, she might still not be able to take them on. She's talented, but not this incredible. And even now, she realizes she's in over her head...and briefly, she thinks maybe this is the end.

Before she can really contemplate her own death, someone tumbles out through the wood poles and sheets into the clearing, and Octavia is thinking 'fuck, a fourth one?' until he starts chopping away at one of the three.

"Of course it's you, Illian!" Octavia laughs, shaking her head, but her against two is manageable. She's able to kill one of them and Illian has killed the other and two against one, this one who looks like they haven't trained for more than a couple hours before hand, is dead. She's surprised this one survived so long, but maybe he had an allegiance with the other two? It's not unimaginable to think. Some tribes don't even make up 12,000.

"Are you going to kill me now?" Illian asks, putting his arms out in a 'come at me' sort of motion.

"Illian, you know very well I can't after you just saved my life," She rolled her eyes, but there's a smile. For a second, it's like they're friends. It's like he's teasing her and there just hanging out and he's a little shit who's always flirting and she's not tired of his teasing but she is mildly amused.

"Ah, I'd hoped." He shrugged.

"Honor code," She said, touching her heart, as Indra had taught her, "Is a helluva thing, and I'm not sure how it works here."

"Well, you know…" Illian starts, raising a finger, but he cuts off after a second, and a strange look crosses his face; one of mild surprise and confusion. He opens his mouth and blood dribbles down his chin and because it was night she couldn't see perfectly, but as a second arrow whizzes past her and almost skins her arm, Octavia sees the front of an arrow-head sticking out of his throat.

"Illian!" She cries, grabbing his arm and dragging him behind a heavy metal car door, unhinged and alone from its previous owner. She drags it on top of them into another pod of safety, at least for now, and she realizes how ragdoll he has become, flopping along.

"Whaaa…" Illian tries to speak, but all she can hear is the sound of his blood filling his lungs.

"Shh...don't...speak," Octavia puts his head gently down on the ground, "Oh, stars, oh," She whispers, shaking her head.

Illian's hand reaches out and she thinks for a second it's going for her hand and even though she's with Jasper she'd allow it for right now because it's obvious he's going to die, but then it touches the knife instead. And she understands far too quickly.

She nods, picking up her knife and finding his small, fluttering heart and presses the knife through it. The blood continues to to flow, but Illian's life does not. She feels fury and anger, all ridiculous because this is what was supposed to happen, as she takes his tag off his body. She is hurt by this in a way she didn't understand.

And fuck arrows! She's completely forgotten to watch for those and-

Wait; Kane, Bellamy, and Jasper had all canvassed her fighters before hand. Not one of the three had said a single thing about arrows. She was sure one of them would have seen that.

There's something not right here.

The last arrow came from a tower, and Octavia leaves Illian's body slightly out of the hiding place, as a distraction. She doesn't like using Illian's body as bait, but she needs to get to the bottom of this. She's surprised though that more arrows aren't flying.

At the top of the tower, she comes up the stairs to see Echo with her back turned. Echo has a mask on, but Octavia would recognize that snake anywhere. She's loading more arrows into her quiver. Octavia opens her mouth to call her out, but another pair of footsteps- two, actually, thunder up the stairs so Octavia slips behind a wall, peeking out.

Imagine her utmost surprise when she sees her brother and Jasper come up. How dare they? Are they planning something? Do they really have no faith in her?

She has to re-think her first thoughts when Bellamy goes up to Echo and literally wrestles her to the ground. Yeah, not in on it with her. Of course, her brother Bellamy the Justice League would be monitoring unfairness. Even by being unfair himself to make things fair. And Jasper? Well, Jasper hasn't ever been told he makes good, smart plans all the time. But, seeing both of them, Octavia feels lightened. She's glad to see them, even if Bellamy is pressing his palms on Echo's neck and- fuck, he's going to kill her, isn't he?

Octavia knows her brother has killed before. It's a weird admission, just as he knows she has, but it's uncomfortable for her to admit. She's been the black sheep, not Bell. It scares her a little he's capable of such darkness. She felt like they both always knew she had darkness. Him, not so much.

"Uh, Bell? Are you sure you want to do that?" Jasper squeaks out, watching Echo's face turn blue. Octavia pauses; should she intervene? Naw, she kinda has always hated Echo anyway.

But then, she's not sure...she signed up to kill tonight, Bellamy did not. If it comes down to killing Echo, which is probably the only solution right now, it should be her. It is a necessary move.

She is about to call out, take a step, when someone one else badgers into the room.

"What is this?"

She shrinks back, pressing herself harder against the wood. It's Roan. She's not going to invite herself into this anymore, and half of her wonders if she can make a break for it before he sees, but the other half is very curious- and worried for these two idiots of hers- about what the outcome will be.

"She's cheating!" Jasper says before Bellamy can, and Roan wrenches Bellamy off Echo with considerable ease, like Bellamy is only made of straw. Echo takes five or six gasping breaths, hands rubbing the places where Bellamy's hands have already left marks, staring up at Roan.

"She's been taking out competitors with arrows. Look; there's at least one I saw, there's probably more." Bellamy says, getting up, wincing as he kicks her bow and quiver.

Roan looks torn, he stares at the two boys for a second before looking hard at Echo. The evidence is hard to deny, and there's a part of him, Octavia can tell, that hopes that maybe she hasn't done such a thing. But he should know better. She's the second-in-command, but it goes deeper than just that. She heard Bellamy say it once, retelling the time that Clarke was nearly poisoned, in reference to the second-in-command that tried to kill her; 'he would do anything for her. It just makes sense.' Just as he'd do anything for Clarke and Echo would do anything for Roan.

Echo doesn't even pretend like she hadn't been, but she raises her chin definitely.

"Is this true, Echo?" Roan asks, his voice low and deadly.

"Of course, Roan," She says, completely confident until she sees the anger on his face and begins to falter, "I'm doing what's best for my people-,"

"No, you are making a mockery of the name of the Ice Nation!" Roan cuts her off, and Echo flinches, the only time Octavia has ever seen her show any sort of fear.

"But, my king, I-,"

"In your attempt to do what you thought was right, without my knowledge, you have killed us all! These two could drag you back to the council, and we'd be disqualified, and then what?" He demanded.

"We could kill them!" Echo suggested, "No one will have to know." Octavia's fingers tighten around her sword. She's pretty sure Jasper is unarmed, but Bellamy isn't stupid enough not to have something sharp on him. She's not sure they could take Roan, but she's willing to try. She'll have to later, anyway.

"Are you mad?" Roan dragged a hand down his face, "You think no one would notice Bellamy is suddenly missing? You don't think Clarke would burn down the city to find out what happened to him? And do you not think-," He waves his hand to Jasper, just then realizing that someone else besides Bellamy is there. He squints, "Who the hell are you, even?"

"Jasper Jordan." Jasper replied, "Octavia would be merciless if I die, to let you know. Have you seen what she does to those that hurt who she lo-likes a lot?" He changes mid-sentence. Roan's eyes are still narrowed at him, and he just makes a sound not unlike the heavy exhale of a buffalo, and turns back to Echo.

"Point is, you are out of line and dangerously within my level of people I want to kill right now," He growls and Echo does duck her head low, eyes wide with horror. Roan paces for a second.

"This can't stand, you know that." Bellamy crossed his arms, "This breach of loyalty to this game, which by the way, you set up."

Octavia shook her head angrily; why couldn't her brother just shut up? She was sure Roan was going to snap his neck right then and there!

"He is correct," Roan says, "I will not kill you." He starts and relief fills into Echo's eyes. Bellamy and Jasper both begin to protest, but he holds up his hand, "I will not kill you, but you will leave and never return. You are banished from Azgeda, from this moment until the day you die," He gives a dry smirk, "Which, lucky for you, will not be long."

He turns to Bellamy and Jasper. "You two are my witnesses. I will allow you to return back to the tower, unscathed, and for the moment, pretend like I did not see you step on the battle turf."

"Yeah, that works." Jasper nodded, gulping, "So, ah, ready to split, Blake?" Jasper nudged Bellamy's arm, "Before he changes his mind…?"

"I want to see her leave," Bellamy says, standing his ground.

Echo scowls, looking up at Roan.

"Roan, please, I-,"

"I have nothing to say to you. Die today or die in a week, choice is yours." Roan roughly dismissed her. She bowed her head, and started to leave. As she passed by Bellamy, she looked up. Octavia cringed at the look she gave her brother; something of adoration.

"Do you think we'll ever be able to trust each other again?" She asked quietly.

Bellamy gives a smirk, "Doubt it."

"When did you ever trust each other in the first place?" Jasper asked, the same question Octavia had been wondering. The look she sent to Jasper was withering, but she didn't try anything sneaky. She just...left.

Roan nods to Bellamy specifically as he picked back up his weapon, "You are honorable, and I cannot fault you and your actions. But are you so sure that this mattered anyway, this risk?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Octavia will win. There's no doubt," Bellamy says, and to his credit he is absolutely unwavering in his voice. In fact, it shocks Octavia a little because even she isn't sure she can.

Roan chuckles, shaking his head.

"You really think she can win, don't you?" He says, amazed, like that hadn't ever crossed his mind. Bellamy shrugs, like placing his life with her is the most reasonable thing in the world.

"I wouldn't count her out if I were you. She's survived harder things than this." He said, staring Roan down. Roan smiles at Bellamy, as though he is a child and does not understand something.

"Before she dies, I will tell her she's lucky to have you as a brother." His gaze looks to Jasper, briefly, "And lucky to have you as...what are you to her again?"

"I'm-,"

"I got a better idea," Bellamy cuts over whatever Jasper was going to respond, fists clenched, "After she guts you and before you die, you tell her I was the lucky one."

"So you think it will be," Roan says, nodding, before leaving. As he leaves, Octavia can't help but notice he looks tired. This is an exhausting game, after all, and everything rests upon it. Maybe she can use that to her advantage? Her memory flickers back to Bellamy, as she sees his face before he turns around. His words reach something she'd locked away a long time ago, something that almost hurts to open. But at the same time, it's healing. It's all the words both wanted to say but never could voice to each other. The message is clear enough, and she's sorry for all the time she spent fighting with him. He is her brother, after all, and there is nothing else as equally frustrating and fulfilling as having this connection, one few Sky People ever felt. She shouldn't have wasted it.

"Aren't you coming? You're the one that was so eager to leave," Bellamy said, turning at the door to look back to see Jasper lingering.

"In a second. I just need a moment to collect myself and you know, realize Roan isn't going to mount our heads on sticks."

Bellay frowns; "Be quick. Roan won't give us a pass forever."

"I know," Jasper nods.

Octavia waits until Bellamy's footfalls are faint, and Jasper is about to leave, to reach out and pull him behind the wood partition.

"You've been here the whole time!" Jasper's face lights up, "So fucking knew it."

"Were you waiting around...for me?" She asks.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay," He says, nodding, "Bellamy was too fired-up to notice, so was Echo and Roan, but you know being basically invisible to them has it's perks." He points at a singular small footprint in the dust, "See there?"

Octavia winces. It's good only Jasper noticed it.

"I'm...well, okay is relative. I'm so close," She moans, "I just want to stop this." She says honestly.

"Why were you up here anyway?"

"I realized that people had arrows in them and none of the competitors walked out with a bow. Something wasn't right. So I came to investigate."

"Would you have killed Echo, had we not arrived?"

"Likely," Octavia hesitates, "I..it would have been needed. Roan respects me, but I couldn't chance it. Plus, I wouldn't have taken as long as Bellamy was." She adds.

"What is it with Azgeda and necks?" Jasper asks.

"Most efficient way to kill, obviously." Octavia blinks at him, "That's the whole...style. I should go. I need to get back out there. At least, to see what's happening. There can't be many of us left."

"Four," Jasper held up four fingers, "But hey, if Echo didn't think Roan wouldn't win by a landslide, she wouldn't be out here. That's gotta make you feel better?"

"It's not me she's worried about, it's Luna. She's...she's got nothing to lose."

"We have everything to lose. Don't you think that's worse?"

Octavia was unable to answer, and just pressed her lips together, knitting her eyebrows close.

"You should go," She said reluctantly, "I won't stand for you to get killed because you felt like you had to come on this stupid suicide mission," She mumbled, hitting him on the chest with a light fist.

"Yeah," He agreed, sad. His hand snaked up to hold her cheek, and pulled her in close. She was sure it was going to mess-up her sooty makeup, if it wasn't already, but she wanted to linger in this moment forever.

"I'll see you at the end of all this," He said, backtracking.

"You seem awfully sure," Octavia unsheathed her sword.

"I gotta be. I'd bet it all on you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, in this part, I wanted Octavia to seem to have more...reason, going into the fight. When she shows up in the show, it's like, kay...she's just here because...she can kill people? But she seems to sorta hate her people right now? It just seemed all very convenient. And, while I enjoyed her twist that everyone gets the bunker, it seemed to come out of nowhere, we just didn't get enough to show that she had been thinking about this, ya know?
> 
> And Illian...sigh, I almost saved him in this. But how would that work? I didn't want Jactavia to become a love triangle, because I don't think that's them but that's what it would have been if he stayed. I did like Octavia/Illian as a BROtp tho.
> 
> This is also the part right before I started looking up scripts for accuracy. But, I almost like how I wrote Roan and Echo's interaction here better than how it was on the show, in some parts.
> 
> Anywho, I'd love to hear your comments!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's having a great holidays so far :) This one is a little shorter than others, I think, but I needed to cut it off here at the end and the last two chapters are LONG. No one reviewed or commented but I see some people are reading it so...thanks, I suppose?

Octavia counted until two minutes until he'd gone, before coming down the stairs. Roan is waiting for her, and Octavia immediately raises her blade, ready to fight. It's now or never, she supposes.

"I'm not going to kill you...yet." He adds, tilting his head.

"All that stuff to Bellamy was bullshit, then?" She asks, and he doesn't even make an acknowledgement that she'd heard and seen everything up in that tower.

"I want to form an allegiance. Luna is too powerful for one person to beat on their own. Between us, we have a chance." He says point-blank.

"You must be terrified if you think you can't beat her," Octavia says, and it's just a flash, so momentary that one could easily miss it, but yes...he is scared.

"I'm practical."

"And after, when both of us remain?"

"Best warrior wins?" Roan shrugs, obviously thinking that it will be him.

Octavia pauses. If she denies him now, he'll kill her, or try to. And she does think that she couldn't beat Luna alone, and that having two against one would be beneficial, but…

"We don't have all night," Roan interrupts her thoughts.

"Fine," Octavia spits, "Truce." She spits in her palm, and offers it to him. Roan looks a mixture between disgusted and deeply concerned.

"You Sky People have strange traditions," He mutters.

"It's a super-swear. Breaking this is like someone cheating during the Final Conclave." She says sweetly, and once again Roan decidedly ignores her. He doesn't shake her hand, but Octavia thinks he's got the message.

They creep around the quiet arena, the screams of war and blood that began with the trial now gone. Only the starlight was their companions, and Octavia stayed more within the shadows that Roan did. Old habits die hard.

She let him lead, since he seemed to have a pretty good idea of where she might be. She was easier to find than Octavia would have thought, although Luna wasn't hiding by any means. As they approached, they saw her in combatant with the fourth tribute, but she didn't last long, felled by Luna as effortlessly as slicing through water.

Roan flinched; or maybe, it was just Octavia's imagination.

"LUNA!" Roan screams, "You ready to die?" He demands, "You going to run again, like you did the first conclave?"

"Stop baiting her!" Octavia hisses, "She's deadly enough as it is!"

"I see Octavia has come out to play," Luna says, spying her crouching behind Roan, "This will be fun," She says, taking out her knives, gripping them in both hands.

Roan doesn't give Octavia a chance to strategize with him at all, just runs at Luna like a bull, and she dodges him just as easily. Roan skids on the ground, sending a glance back to Octavia. Octavia takes this as her cue, and she holds her fear against her chest for a second, before letting it go and jumping into the fray.

She wishes her and Roan were not at odds. There is a natural flow to the way they work together, the movement of their motions against this enemy. Perhaps if there had been a different life, a different path here, they would have been battle partners. Not, romantically, of course, but as best friends. She can tell that even Roan is surprised at the way they know each other's signs and can play off of it.

And yet, still, Luna is unmoving in her skills. She does not tie, does not waver. They haven't landed more than a light scratch or a kick to her shins on her, while she's already cut Roan's shoulder and nearly sliced off a finger of Octavia's.

Thunder roars overneath, and although Octavia's first instinct is to go stiff, she battles through it, all the way until the first drop hits her skin.

It's pure agony.

"Black rain!" She cries to Roan, and just as a second ago there had been no rain, it's now pouring over them like someone dumping out a bucket. She wonders if she can stay and fight through this, but no, even she admits defeat to it. She scurries backwards, tripping over her feet to get underneath the shelter of a hut, "Roan, come on!" She demands back, seeing Roan screaming as welts develop where it hits. She bites her lip and draws blood, because it hurts too much and she remembers that night on the island where she and Jasper were safe from it and she pulls herself into that moment, trying to re-feel the safety she'd felt and bring it here now. Her vision blacks and she slaps herself to make sure this does not leave her on the ground, out cold.

"Roan, what the hell are you doing? You'll both-," She starts to yell, but pauses. If the rain takes them both out, she still wins, right? If Roan wants to stay out there, and Luna too, freaking let them.

Roan and Luna are equally matched now that Luna is slowed by the rain. It's clearly getting to her, and Roan- who seems to just have a magnificence tolerance for such things- brushes it off like a bee-sting, coming at her.

She, for a moment, truly doesn't know who is going to come out on top.

But then, she sees the true anguish that this black rain is causing to Roan flash across his face, and he turns to turn his back to Luna and re-treat, but she takes the moment, lunging forward- not for his face or neck as an Azgeda might assume, but for his stomach. Which, doesn't seem all too bad, until her knives slit through it as though there isn't innards and organs there, and blood pours rapidly from the open wound.

Roan fumbles on his feet, a hand grabbing at his stomach, although the attempt is feeble and useless since even his meaty hands can't close over the whole wound. Luna throws her knives on the ground, grabbing his shoulders and shoving him into the fountain, overflowing from the rain.

She is weakening from the rain, but he is worse from the wounds. His arms flail and his fingers grab onto her arm and squeeze, and she's sure it's broken skin, but Luna does not move...not until he hasn't moved for more than two minutes, and there is no way Roan is still alive.

"Your fight is over," Luna says in Tridesleng, but it's not comforting. Her voice is as dead and lifeless as Roan's body, slumping from the fountain.

"This is it…" Octavia realizes after a prolonged moment, "You just have to kill the last one," She tells herself. But the last one is Luna, and fuck, Octavia isn't sure she knows how to do that.

She looks around. She sees cabinets and she knows she only has a second or two, and she makes an executive decision.

Crammed in a closet, in the dark, she remembers what it was like on the Ark. Although her mother has only been dead for around two years, she can no longer see her face, but Octavia still remembers the soft touch of her hand, the warmth in her voice, the smell of her shampoo. She hasn't thought about her mother in a very long time, and for good reason. Her mother was soft, while Indra was hard. Octavia has liked to believe this whole time she was hard too, but maybe, just maybe that's not entirely accurate.

What she does know is this; she is a girl who has lived her whole life in a box, and she isn't going to break that now. She is a girl who was encouraged to use her logic, her craftiness, her quietness to hide from Inspectors and she is grateful for these lessons in this moment, the moment when Luna creeps into the hut, eyes scanning.

"Once I was like you, Octavia. I believe in good things, in good people. I believed everyone was good, like you saw in Lincoln. I thought if they were showed peace, and those that denied it were taken away from this world, the darkness would not stay. I even stopped blaming myself for killing my brother in the conclave. But the truth is, when I saw him standing across from me in the arena, I knew only one of us could live, I wanted it to be me. I ran because I was afraid of what I am. I am the darkness. We all are, and this is the end." Luna said, carefully tracing Octavia's steps to a cabinet, pausing.

Octavia knew the darkness well, she had befriended it for a while. She understood Luna's mistake in thinking that. But if there were people like the children from the Ark out there, truly innocents, it had to prove that not everyone was darkness. Not entirely. Not enough to want to scourge the earth of them.

Luna threw open the cabinet and Octavia was not ready-but, she had to be, so she convinced herself she was.

She didn't hesitate once she saw Luna's hand move to the entrance, and by the time Luna was registering the confusion of the empty cabinet, Octavia had glided from the one on the opposite side of the room, and had already shoved her knife through Luna's throat.

"You are wrong, there are people worth saving. Even you, if you had let me." She whispered, letting Luna down to the ground easy. She had to believe that. A year ago, she would have gladly killed Murphy and Kane. Now, she liked both of them. She had to think everyone- even Jaha deserved the chance to grow and become better people, and she wanted to imagine that Luna would have to, somehow, that maybe it didn't need to come to this. In the back of her mind, she knew all too well that Luna would have never wanted to be saved.

Luna did not look peaceful as she died, and Octavia sincerely hoped she found peace wherever she went to, because stars know she never found it here.

Octavia snatched the dangling medals of the clans from Luna's belt, bring it to her face. Holy shit...she was the winner.

The light caught the silver of the medals, all of them jumbled together. She felt like she should bury these, as all of these people would die from the fire. But she could not, not only to prove her winning, but because...well, her mind was spinning.

She staggered back to the main tower, raising her spoils above her head. She knew it was so many flights up, but she was sure she could see Indra looking down. And Indra, despite her own coming death, looked so happy.

Octavia felt herself collapse right inside the door. She dragged herself over to a chair, pulling herself on it. There was a bucket of normal water next the door and Octavia poured it over her head, sighing in relief at the instant cooling that came when water touched her Black Rain scars.

"Octavia, holy shit, I knew it!" Jasper threw open the doors, hugging her, despite her grunts of pain, "You saved us!"

But who was us, really? Her, her brother, Jasper...a handful of others she tolerated? She'd much rather have Indra there. And, if Lincoln were here, he'd be dying too. And Nyko. And so many others she had come to respect, to like so much more than others. She wasn't truly a member of the SkyKru anyway, when she really thought about it.

"Jasper...I'm sure I'm going to have to talk in a second, but I...I want to run something by you." She said quietly, holding up the tokens, "I think...I...I think I'm going to share the bunker. Equally. What do you think?"

"Does it matter what I think?" Jasper rubbed his neck, "You're the winner, O. It's your say."

"I know, but I want to know your thoughts. I mean, we'd be safe, obviously. But…" She paused, frowning, "Don't you-,"

"Octavia, I have zero lost love for most of the people remaining from the Ark. I only really feel connected to the delinquents, and only some of those people from that group at that. I can't say that I love grounders, but honestly, I think I like most of them better than the SkyKru members." He said honestly.

"You'd agree to forsake your own clan?" She asked.

"I know you don't consider yourself one of them, and honestly, I haven't either, not since I was sentenced to come to earth, you know?" He said, helping her stand, "I think...I also think this is the best way to do things. Why are we better than any of them, Conclave winner or no?"

"You know, I really love you, Jasper," Octavia said, grinning.

Before she could explain what she'd just said, or before Jasper could really think about it, a whole procession of grounders arrived at the bottom.

"Octavia, winner of the conclave. Come with us- it is tradition for the winner to speak some words." Gaia said, taking Octavia's hand. She seemed sad, which was obvious, but tried to plaster a happy smile on her face. It wasn't working.

Octavia was helped up the stairs, Jasper never far behind. She was ushered onto the stage, where the grounders all stared at her...looking into the face of the person who had signed their death warrant, practically.

She held up the medals, taking her own off her neck and adding it to the group. Her eyes flickered around. She didn't see Bellamy, but he was probably doing something with Clarke somewhere, but her eyes did meet Jasper. He nodded encouragingly, and that was all it took.

"I wasn't fighting for Skaikru today," Octavia began hesitantly, and she saw the confused looks across the board, especially from Kane and Indra, who looked concerned. Stars, they thought she was going to pull a Luna, didn't they?

"I thought I was fighting for my own reasons," She continued, looking directly at Jasper. She wasn't going to fess up in front of literally everyone right now that Jasper was her reason, but it was clear enough to him, and he beamed, "but now I know that's not true either. I was fighting for all of us. Skaikru will not take the bunker alone. We will share it equally because we are equal. We are one clan, and we will fight to survive Praimfaya together. Together," She finished for emphasis. There was a long moment when the group just was silent, everyone glancing at each other, trying to decide if this was some big joke, some prank.

She took another deep breath, "There are 1200 spots, each clan will get 100 spaces each, to decide amongst each other who will share it. The fire will arrive in...two, three days? I think we should all be locked under there within 30 hours." She said, "If, uh, that sounds good to all of you." Now that the adrenaline of the win did not course through her veins, she was aware of how awkward she sounded, for she wasn't a leader and did not want to demand things of them. She laid all the tokens, including her own, on the table in a pile, stepping down.

As she passed, there was a ripple of change. A feeling of respect, everyone stood out of her way when she moved. Everyone bowed their head, she assumed in deep gratitude. But...more than once, she heard the name 'Heda' whispered through the room...Octavia wasn't sure how she should respond to that.

She came up to Jasper, Kane, and Indra. "Where's Bellamy?" She asked, a little hurt he hadn't been here to see this. It's something that she felt he would have done.

"I haven't seen him. I'm sure he's safe." Kane said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "I am proud of you."

"You are a true warrior." Indra agreed, and Octavia hugged her, surprising the woman. She melted into her hug.

"It's only because of you." Octavia said honestly.

"We should go to the bunker," Kane rubbed his chin, "Everyone is settled in. This is going to be...upsetting, to say the least, to announce. But, it is your call." He said. Octavia couldn't be sure, but he seemed a little relieved by her announcement. She had the feeling that Kane was finding it hard to send someone like Indra to her death too.

"You're the best," Jasper whispered in her ear, shaking his head, "Mad speech, O." He said.  
"I don't know how to speak in front of crowds," Octavia grumbled, "I'm not exactly the most socially competent person, you know."

"You did fantastic," Kane assured, "Exactly all the right things."

"Where are the guards?" Jasper wonders out loud as the reach the bunker's entrance door.

"I'm sure watching the game, or saying goodbye. Now, that might not need to be so, but…" Indra said, allowing a tiny smile. Octavia grabbed the door and tugged. Nothing.

"Let me," Jasper offered, although Octavia was almost sure she was stronger than he was. It didn't move for him either, nor Kane, nor Indra.

"That's so...I don't understand." Kane said, shaking his head and rubbing his beard.

"Uh...guys? Do you realize some very important people are missing? Not just Bellamy, but Clarke...Abby...and maybe most telling...Jaha?" Jasper asked.

Kane made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, realizing what Jasper was saying. Indra reached it too, this conclusion, because she stumbled back from the door like it burned her.

"Skaikru has betrayed us all!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just loved King Roan and I thought it was so stupid they killed him off. I would have loved to see the relationship, non sexual, between him and Octavia because I think they would be bros. And it would have been hilarious to see him in space. I get why he couldn't be down in the bunker, because it was really important to Ocatavia's character to be the leader and such, which is why I couldn't let him live either :( But, he was a great character while he lasted. I loved him and Raven together, I might one day write a one-shot on those two...
> 
> I changed Octavia's final words to Luna. I hate that she told Luna that she wasn't worth saving. I feel like that was so out of character, for someone who had gone through so much and been sent to the ground like an expendable person and tbh Octavia has done some equally bad things, even what Luna has done isn't that bad. So I changed that bit.
> 
> When I first started this, I thought it was going to be a one-shot or a three-shot because there were 3 main points in Season 4 that I wondered, how would this change things if it was Octavia and Jasper together instead of them alone? The first was in the first chapter, when Octavia and Jasper go on the adventure instead of Illian and Octavia or Jasper and Bellamy. The second is at the end here, when Octavia has someone to come back to after winning and confers about the possibility of opening the Bunker to everyone. When we get to the third, I'll be sure to let you know what that is too :)
> 
> And as always, ya'll, reviews would realllllllly be appreciated...


	9. Chapter 9

"Bellamy will fix this," Octavia said for the sixth time, her resolution completely unwavering.

"You can't imagine that they're just going to let Bellamy walk right up and-," Kane is furious, but his exact fury is uncertain- Jasper thinks it could be at Jaha, it could be at himself, it could just be in general. Whatever it is, however, he is not calmed by Octavia.

Jasper agrees with Octavia, to a certain extent. He knows Bellamy would die trying rather than sit back and let his sister perish in the upcoming apocalypse, and that's precisely what Jasper's afraid of; that someone like Jaha will decide the sacrifice of Bellamy is well worth the safety of their survival.

"How can you be so calm in the face of such….such betrayal?" Indra demands, and she's been noticeably quiet since her first declaration.

"I know my brother. If he wasn't down there, which I'm sure he is, I would be," She frowns, "Unsure. But I have to believe he'll get that door open."

"I would banish them all for this," Indra said savagely, and Jasper sometimes forgets she is a hardened warrior, someone raised on blood and screaming, and right now it's hard to forget.

"Not everyone down there has to be bad, not everyone would have wanted this. It's why I chose to share, you know. The actions of the few should not excuse the death of the many." Octavia said, and this seemed to calm Indra, at least momentarily.

"These are sneaky people, Octavia. You must be careful with deciding who you place your trust in," She said, staring right at Jasper. He opened his mouth to comment, but Octavia was shaking with fury at her accusation.

"Don't you ever say something like that about Jasper again! Not only would he never hurt me, he is just as much part of Skaikru as I am- to say not at all!" She bared her teeth.

"Kinda hard to want to be part of a society that sent you down to die," Jasper agreed blithely, then frowned, "Why aren't you saying that to Kane, huh? He's still part of that group." Jasper waved a hand. He didn't hate Kane, nor like him. He respected who he'd become, but obviously, he still had major problems with him.

"Look, I'm out here, aren't I?" Kane said, shaking his head, "If I had been in there, know this would not have happened. It's probably why I'm not."

"I trust him," Indra replied to Jasper's question, "Hesitantly, right now."

"Oh, Indra...I forgot...these are for you." Octavia shifts cautiously, pulling out a pair of two daggers. They're nice daggers, Jasper can see, but he doesn't understand the significance of them. Indra does, for immediately, she looks like she's about to cry, or at least, looks extremely sad.

"I took them off Fio. Roan killed him. I don't know if I could have," Octavia whispered.

"You would because you are a warrior and you would have done what you had to," Indra says, "And I could not have been mad at you."

"Fio was your…" Kane questioned, trailing off.

"It is hard to describe. We have a word in our language, but it doesn't quite translate to anything in English. He was...a dear friend. He was my battle partner. He was someone I could always talk to." She paused for a long moment, staring down at the blood-covered blades, "He was Gaia's father."

"Oh," Kane blinked, "So you two were...something?"

"Not so." Indra shook her head, "I wanted a child, he was someone I felt would pass on good genes. And, I trusted him. Gaia does not know. I might tell her now, however."

"Didn't she ask? Didn't she wonder?" Octavia asked in a small voice, and sometimes Jasper forgot that she too didn't know who her father had been.

"In our culture, no one questioned it. A mother is the most well-respected position one can have. She is a true warrior. While most of our Hedas are young, those that get the chance to become mothers while or before are especially revered, since a mother knows what it feels like to experience true pain and true sacrifice. The Heda is thought to be a mother of everyone, but not all understand it. No one questions a mother's choice to keep a father a secret, since, they aren't as respected anyway," Indra smirked, "I imagine very different from your own society."

"No one knew about me, but Bell didn't have an established father either. From what he tells me, my mother was ostracized for it, called...a lot of things." Octavia agreed, wincing. At first, Jasper thought it was that she was recalling painful thoughts until he saw blood streaks when she shifted.

"Octavia, stars, why didn't you tell us you were still in pain!" Jasper says, going over to her. He realizes she hasn't moved since they sat down in here, and she's been trying to avoid telling anyone all this time.

"I'm fine!" Octavia snapped at him, "Really, it's nothing!"

He pulls his hand back from her side and it's covered in blood. This is enough to spur Indra and Kane into action, coming to her side. Indra shuffles through her animal-skin bag of items, pulling out what looks to be a makeshift first-aid kit.

"Shirt off," She demands and Octavia- despite being the all-powerful winner, cannot disobey an order from her mentor. Jasper chokes on his breath when he sees how bloodied and bruised she is.

"Octavia, you are too stubborn! This should have been tended to right away," Indra hisses at her, touching the tender flesh of the biggest wound, something on her side. She's hurt all over- there's a smaller one on her shoulder, and in reality, there's so much blood Jasper is unsure where it's all coming from, and she has ugly burns from the Black Rain dotting her exposed skin.

"We have other things to worry about," Octavia argues, "The war isn't done yet!" She points to the still-closed bunker.

"There is nothing we can do now. As Jasper pointed out from the start, if we force this open, it's useless and we all die." Kane agrees.

"I am fixing you right now, so just be quiet," Indra tells Octavia and Octavia shuts her mouth. Jasper kneels next to Indra, watching her movements.

"Octavia never said you knew medicine," Jasper says.

"Every good warrior knows enough to do basic wounds, but I had not gotten around to teaching her yet," Indra says in reply, taking a bucket and a cool rag and starting to wash away the blood to see what she has to work with.

Jasper is curious, he begins to ask questions; what are the materials she's using, how they sanitize it, basic remedies….even Octavia looks surprised at his interest.

"What was your title on the ship, Jasper?" Indra finally says, "A healer-in-training?"

"Ah, no. I was, would have likely been, a chemist." He says and when Indra blinks at him, "You know? I can make things go boom with rocks and dust and stuff? It's like...knowing how to put two items, natural items together and all?" He said, very poorly explaining.

"Yes, that." Indra realizes after a moment, "Of course, though, many objects are inaccessible to us, so whatever we know about that is merely theory."

"Yeah, well, that's where I specialize, I guess. It would have been boring, in reality, being a chemist on the Ark. Just a lot of basic things, never blowing stuff up. Although, I once thought that maybe I could squeeze my way into medicine...researching cures and ailments and all. Since down on earth used to be about the future, moving forward, experimenting. It was more about keeping the same-old-same-old on the Ark," He said, drawing his knees to his chest.

"You keep referring to 'would have'," Indra commented, "And since I realize you came with Octavia, as she's told me, you were too locked away?" She said, tilting her head.

"I was fourteen. Me and Monty- he's like a brother to me- we were caught for smoking weed. It was only used medically on the ship, but we used it more casually. I forgot to replace the plant and boom, next thing I know we were put into little boxes."

"You were very young," Indra tilts her head, "For such a harsh crime. But you would have been a doctor chemist had you not been sent to the ground," She adds, taking what he just told her.

"Weeelllll…" Jasper sends a look at Kane, "I don't know. Kane here, he decided if we got second chances or not. Let's just say most kids didn't get those."

"You would have executed a fourteen-year-old?" Indra sends a sharp glance to Kane, horrified.

"Not at fourteen, at eighteen, an adult!" Kane starts to defend himself, but the look Indra gives him isn't any more understanding.

"So, what would it have been Kane?" Jasper asks, leaning back, "Would you have sent me and Monty to the airlock? Sent Octavia here, whose only crime was being born? Huh?"

"You are still mostly a child so I understand it's hard for you to see, but the Ark would not have survived otherwise, not for as long as it did if we gave every criminal a second chance! Most offenders will do it again, it's just statistics," Kane said, but then composed himself to be coolly calm, "But yours and Octavia's files never passed my desk. We had been planning to send you to the ground long before you would have ever been in front of the council." He said firmly.

"That's a politician's answer if I ever heard one, "Jasper scoffed.

"The Ark sucked," Octavia interrupted from the place on the ground, gritting her teeth as Indra pulled a bone needle through her skin, stitching her back up, "But we're all alive. We won't be soon if this door doesn't open, or if we don't have a plan."

"She's right," Indra agreed, "The clans will revolt against you if they hear of this, even with what you've done for them."

"Well, I'll damage control then. I'll go out and tell them that no one can enter until they've all decided which 100 they wish to send to save." Kane said, standing and brushing off his pants. He nodded to Indra, and Octavia, and just gave a hard look to Jasper before leaving.

"The rain's still going, so anyone they're sending out to seek won't be able to come in, not yet," Jasper added, opening a flap to look out the side of the room.

"We have a little time," Octavia sighed in relief, "I have to believe this will all be resolved by the time they do decide, but it can't be easy only picking 100. I'm banking on the fact that it will be difficult for them."

"Maybe we can see what's going on," Jasper said, his eyes narrowing on something small, square, and black next to Octavia's things.

"The talkie! I forgot I had that," Octavia says, trying to lean over to grab it, but the pressure makes her shrink back.

"You shouldn't move. You need your strength. Rest for now," Indra encourages.

"I'll grab it," Jasper says, brushing away the water from it and handing it to Octavia. She presses the button on the side, but all they hear is static.

"Maybe Bellamy will be near it," Jasper says weakly, although he knows there's a slim chance. He's sure Jaha is guarding it ferociously, and he wouldn't chance that Octavia might be able to talk to him.

"I gotta try," Octavia mumbles, clearly thinking the same thoughts he is.

"Hello?" Octavia asks into the radio, "Hellooo? Pick up, dammit!" She growls, gripping it tightly.

"Maybe just...keep talking?" Jasper offers. Octavia sends him a withering glance.

"I guess, it's not like I have much else to do." She sighs, shaking her head. She continues sending increasingly more and more frustrated greetings until they hear a noise that is static, but crackling and different than the monotone one they heard previously. All three perk their head up, Jasper nods encouragingly to Octavia.

"Can anyone hear me? Over." She pauses, "This is Octavia. Can anyone hear me, dammit?" She adds after a moment of complete silence, and maybe, Jasper thinks, they all imagined the different static. So he does what Jasper does best; makes a joke.

"No!" Jasper makes a mocking gasp, "They probably thought it was Lexa."

"Shut it." Octavia blushes a little, staring at Jasper, "I mean, maybe they didn't know it was me? The reception down there I'm sure is shitty."

The radio crackles and a voice wavers through, broken, but unmistakable, "O, it's me."

"My god, it is Bellamy," Jasper straightens, "If there was a lottery to go to, I'd be going there right now!"

"Shut up!" Octavia whispers to him, placing her hand on the speaker, "Seriously, Jas." Her tone tells him she's not fucking around right now, so he quits, but he leans in, curious and wanting to hear what possible reason they could have for leaving Octavia and himself outside.

"Are you okay?" Bellamy asks.

"I'm alive," Octavia swallows hard, grinning despite the circumstances, "I won." Her voice is so proud, so pleased it makes Jasper's chest swell because Octavia smiles are a rare thing of late. Then, it drops off and she looks distressed, "Bell, what the hell did you do?" She asks quietly, upset.

"It wasn't me!" Bellamy scrambles, "But I'll fix it." He says, and Octavia sends a look to Indra. She keeps a stone facade.

"I'll believe it when I see it," She replied testily, and Jasper doesn't disagree. Words mean little, especially now.

"Bell, listen to me." Octavia says, taking on her 'leader voice' as Jasper has decided to call it, "When I won, I decided to share the bunker with everyone. A hundred from each clan. Kane is out there buying us time, helping them select their people, and Gaia somehow convinced the scouts to lock down the temple. But if anybody finds out that Skaikru stole the bunker, we're all dead."

There is a very long moment over the radio, one where Jasper fears that Bellamy will be displeased with this, that he will no longer want to help, that he-

"Copy that. I'm on my way."

Jasper almost laughed. How could he even think for a second Bellamy wouldn't save his sister, or want to be the hero? Not that he was doing this for the fame, but Bellamy always did what he thought was right, and this would fall into that category, unquestionably.

"Bell, I just wanted to tell you-," Octavia begins, but the feed cuts off suddenly. Octavia presses the side button a couple times, worry ghosting over her face, "Bell? Bellamy? Bell, you fucking jerk! Stop playing, answer me."

"Jaha musta heard him talking with you," Jasper theorized, frowning.

"How far would Jaha go to keep his people safe?" Indra questioned.

"Anything," Octavia whispered, letting the talkie drop to the ground, "And that's what terrifies me."

The time passes agonizingly slowly. Indra sits, sharpening the knives Octavia gives her, polishing them and cleaning the blood from the handles. Octavia rests uncomfortably, and Jasper can tell she can't relax a second as much as she needs to, and her eyes continue to flicker to the door. Every moment that passes is a moment fear grows deeper in her eyes, another moment she fears Bellamy could already be dead. And Jasper? He just stares at the openings in the walls, watching the rain fall down.

"Remember the shack, O?" He says after a long period of silence, grinning, "Remember the night it rained like this?"

"Jasp, not the time," Octavia grunts, "Totally, not the time."

"Awe, come on! Remember how we-," His intention is to mess with O a little, maybe make her crack another smile. His plight is interrupted, though by a thick cough, one that leaves him facing the ground and something wet comes out his mouth, and it's a blob of blood. The strings stick to his chin, and his whole mouth tastes like copper.

"Jasper!" Octavia's voice reaches a pitch of anxiety, and she tries to get to him.

"No, no. I'm fine. Don't move, Octavia." Jasper says, coming to sit by her, wiping most of the blood away on the palm of his hand, "Just...just coughed a little too hard." He lies, and it's a weak lie and Octavia may not know everything about radiation, but she knows enough.

"What's wrong with him?" Indra asks, raising his chin to look at him, her eyes trailing back to the spot on the floor.

"The radiation is already starting to affect us. I should have realized, with the black rain." Octavia said, dragging Jasper's head into her lap as he resists the urge to cough again, "We don't have much time at all. It's closer than I thought."

The urge of a cough recedes, but a worse feeling hits him a second later, and it's not from the radiation, not directly.

"Oh, oh no," He whispered quietly.

"What? What's the matter?"

Jasper turns his eyes up to hers for a second, scowling, "We know that it's coming from that way, the radiation wave," He says, pointing back a direction, "What's in that direction?"

"Oh…" Octavia's eyes widen. Jasper nods grimly.

"Arkadia...but I thought…" Indra frowns, "Didn't everyone come here?"

"Not everyone," Octavia answers for Jasper, her voice so kind and quiet, so different from the voice she often uses, "Many of the people that came down with us on the dropship didn't want to be under Jaha anymore, didn't want to fight. A good friend of ours, Harper, was one of them. And Monty, Jasper's brother, stayed because he loves her."

"If I'm feeling the radiation now, it can't be good there," Jasper whispers, screwing his eyes shut and trying to imagine an impossible scenario where two people he cares about aren't in pain right now, coughing up their guts on the ground or feeling their skin burn and peel away.

"I am sorry, Jasper," Indra says, her voice heavy, and he believes her, "That must be a terrible knowledge to hold."

"I...can we not talk about it?" Jasper requests and Octavia runs her hand through his hair.

"Sure, sorry," Octavia looks to the bunker, "We are running out of time," She repeats.

Indra got up and began stalking around the entrance. Jasper watched her and would have likened her to a panther or a tiger. There was something primal about the way she took each calculated step, and Octavia caught onto this as well.

"What are you doing, Indra?"

"You said it yourself. We don't have time," She looked Octavia right in the eye, "They've made their choice, Octavia. We have to find another way in."

"There isn't," Octavia said.

"Yeah, you all didn't notice this thing for 100 years. It might take 100 more years to find the second one- if there is one." Jasper snorted.

Indra crossed her arms, "I see you're feeling well enough to be snarky again."

"I prefer clever," Jasper corrected with a toothy grin, "But I'll also take sarcastic."

"Jasper is annoying, sure, but he made a good point before. If we force this open, the locking mechanism is caput and then we don't save anyone." Octavia said firmly, "Bellamy will come through."

"The black rain won't last forever! And then they'll know that your people stole the bunker," Indra snapped back, irritable and irrational, which wasn't unusual. Fear did strange things to people.

"May I remind you," Octavia's voice was even, "They aren't our people." She said quietly.

"Indra, maybe you just need to calm down," Jasper was starting to say, which probably would have gotten him killed was he not interrupted by a shadow casting onto the floor, a shadow much too lean to be Kane and too tall to be Gaia.

"I wondered why Kane was stalling," Echo grinned, looking ridiculously pleased with herself.

"Not you again, god, can't you tell you're unwelcome...everywhere?" Jasper groaned, covering his eyes, "And aren't you supposed to be, I dunno, halfway to whatever hole you're going to crawl up and die in?" He questioned.

"You," Echo's eyes narrowed in on Octavia and advanced with her arrow perched on the bow.

Indra stepped in front of Octavia, grabbing Echo's arm and slamming it down, hard.

"Indra, no," Octavia said, standing. Jasper went to help, but she shook her head, a tiny movement. Jasper understood; to appear strong, she needed to do this alone. And he was impressed. Had he not known how to see the miniature looks of pain on her face, it would seem Octavia hardly felt her newly stitched wound.

"Skaikru dishonors us all once again," Echo taunted, glaring up at Octavia with a wicked smile, "When they find out...you'll all pay in blood." She said pointedly. Jasper came to stand next to Octavia, and folded his arms, glaring her down. If he had to, he'd kill her himself. He was stronger than most people assumed, and he was sure he could use something in here to bash her head it, just to make her shut up. God, she was annoying.

Octavia merely tilted her head, staring at Echo with wide eyes, "Skaikru wasn't the only one who dishonored the game at the conclave, wasn't it?" She asked, as though she were questioning Echo about the upcoming weather.

"Go, babe," Jasper muttered quietly, grinning. Octavia's jaw locked as she tried to stifle a grin, but she didn't look back at him.

"I know you were disguised as a warrior on the battlefield, and I know Roan caught you. I even know he banished you for it," Octavia said, her voice so sickly sweet it even made Jasper want to gag a little.

Echo's eyes finally landed on Jasper, the first time she'd really acknowledged him and her eyes lit up with flames.

"Had I known this insignificant little flea was your toy, I would have killed him then so that he couldn't speak of it," She threatened, advancing on him.

"Try me," Jasper chuckled and Octavia just shook her head.

"How do you know it wasn't Bellamy?" She questioned, "Besides, you didn't even deny it," She grinned fully. Indra, who had not left her grip on Echo's arm, twisted it further.

"Is this true?" Indra demanded, inches from Echo's face.

Octavia sighed, looking almost bored- but underneath, Jasper could tell she was giddy, "If the scouts check the Blue Cliff warrior's body, they'll find Azgeda arrows. And Roan did not have a bow. Plus, she just as much admitted it right here." Octavia pointed out.

"Oh, burn!" Jasper hissed, narrowing his eyes in pleasure.

Indra grabbed Echo by the neck, kicking her bow out of her hands and pulling her head back, putting a knife to her neck.

"Azgeda cheated! They should not have a place in this bunker," Indra demanded. Jasper's fingers ghosted over the same spot where he'd had a knife to once before, and it felt like a small justice an Azgeda was now dangerously close to having their throat slit. He almost wished it was him; that would be poetic justice, wouldn't it?

"Wonkru, Indra," Octavia reminded gently, shaking her head, "The actions of one should not affect the actions of many." She said firmly, staring Indra down. After a long moment, Indra let her hair go but made sure to kick her quiver and bow out of her reach.

"Don't try anything," Indra threatened.

Echo looked shocked, though, and a little bit defeated. She did not move from her kneeling position but looked up at Octavia, confusion plaguing her face. It was not often she was shown mercy, for Jasper knew very well that banishing her instead of killing her was not merciful...it was a punishment, "What do you want?" Echo whispered, shaking her head, dumbfounded.

Octavia paused, tilting her head, "Only for you to honor your king by joining me. If you do, when Bellamy opens that door, my decision will stand. Azgeda will survive Praimfaya."

"Yeah, but not- oh," Jasper began, but Octavia gave him a hard and tiny kick, and he understood. She was not telling Echo that she did not intend for her to be in the bunker. That was fair, Jasper thought, all things considering. And Echo was a talented warrior. They needed her right now.

"What do you need of me, then?" Echo asked, standing.

Octavia paused, grabbing her bow and arrow, "As Indra said, you try anything, and you will die." She said before handing the bow and arrow back to her, "You can stand guard here, and make sure no one else gets in." She said.

"Yes, Hed-Octavia," Echo said, and herself seemed flustered by her near mix-up. She exited swiftly, shutting the door behind her.

As soon as she was gone, Octavia's knees buckled, and she collapsed- or began to. Jasper caught her and slowly lowered her to the ground.

"You're so badass, Octavia. God, it's so hot," he said, pressing her hair back from her forehead and kissing it, "Look at you, being all leadery."

"I'm not a leader, and I'm not Heda," Octavia frowned.

"I agree with Jasper- not his attempts to woo you, obviously, but you are our leader," Indra gave her a proud smile, "I would have killed her. You are a better person than I am, and that proved that you are ready to face this."

"Face what?" Octavia demanded.

"This," Indra said, pulling out the medals, which clanked noisily against each other, the ties twirling around itself so it was just an impossible knot, "I meant to give you these back earlier."

"I can't lead these people," Octavia wheezed out, staring at the knot in her hands, "Are you crazy? I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not sure I want to!"

"You have to!" Indra said, "You must because if we are to be one clan, we need one leader. If it's not you, there will be fights and wars and people will die. You united us for this, you have to continue."

"But I don't...I didn't-,"  
"O, the best leaders are those that never wanted to be one." Jasper insisted, "And you are a really good leader."

"You will not be alone," Indra insisted, "Kane is logical...sometimes, and he cares for you so he will not want you to fail. I have sat on the council of numerous Hedas before you, and I will continue again. But, you have the natural instincts inside of you. If you cultivate your council and stay true to what you've done, you will have little problems."

"I find that hard to believe," Octavia was hyperventilating a little.

"Be afraid now. When that bunker opens, you must seem powerful and unflappable, a true Heda." Indra advised.

"You're right," Octavia gave a wry smile, "You do give good advice," She scowled, letting out a short breath through her nose, "You're right. I've worked too hard for this, fought too long to just sit back and watch it fall apart. I have to be the leader." She agreed.

"I know this is something you can do." Jasper insisted, "It's in your blood," He pointed out, referring to Bellamy.

"I think Indra's right, this isn't a case of 'I'll try to' but more like 'I have to'," Octavia said slowly.

"What most people will assume is that there will be peace in the bunker, which is partially true. But we are always fighting a war. This one hopefully will not be among each other or computers," Indra said, "It will be with hunger, plague, and loneliness. We must do our best to fight those things, and we need to be ready."

"If I could get in there, I'm sure I could help," Jasper sighed, "I mean, I don't mean to brag, but you have to be pretty smart to be a chemist…"

"Jas, sush, I know you're IQ is like near genius, somewhere just below Monty's and Raven's," She gave a teasing grin, "Obviously you'll help."

"So does that mean I get a set on your council?" Jasper bounced a little, mostly teasing. Octavia, however, seemed genuine in her nod.

"If you'll take it," She turned to Indra, "How many usually sit on a council? How many do you suggest?" She asked.

"Two or three more besides me, Kane, and the annoying one." She paused, "I would not suggest your brother. Because he is your brother, he is usually not good counsel. Siblings fight too often. And Clarke is young, and inexperienced despite what she's been through. I don't want to push you one way or another, but it would benefit you to choose some wise members of the other clans, especially if you wish to facilitate a sense that everyone is now one clan alone. Once I see who is chosen, I can give you the names of who I might consider, and you can choose."

"Yes, that will work," Octavia was nodding, "I think...I think I can actually do this," She said, but her tone did not match the hope in her voice. Jasper bit his lip nervously as he watched her eyes travel along the confines of the room.

To pass the time, Indra offered to show Jasper a few moves. Octavia had offered off-hand somewhere in a previous conversation that she'd shown Jasper a little, and Jasper had been quick to say he wasn't good at all, just learning.

"Well, not that we'll be fighting things down there, I hope, but one day we'll get out," Indra said, standing, motioning to him.

"You're serious?" Jasper's eyebrows raised, "Erm, okay...Octavia taught me to stand like...this…" He pulled himself into a more secure position. Indra walked around him, nodding with pride.

"That is a good beginning step, I agree. I admit I usually begin with children at the age of five, but I managed to teach Octavia at her age...I am sure I can turn you into a warrior yet," She said, but kicked the backside of his knees, causing him to buckle, "But, you have much to learn." She added.

Jasper coughed, shaking his head, "You're smiling! Do you only smile when you're causing pain to others?" He questioned jokingly.

"Not only; I also enjoy a good pun, when the time is correct for it." She tilted her head, "Though I think many would be lost on you since you don't know our language."

Jasper brushed his pants off, "I'm a pun master. Every time you knock me down, you get a pun. Sound good?" Jasper asked. From the corner, Octavia was almost smiling. But, not enough. He could tell something was still occupying her mind.

And so Jasper and Indra practiced until Jasper was sure he was bruised from head to toe, and they would have continued, had Jasper not heard something very disturbing; nothing at all.

"The rain has stopped." He said in the middle of sparring, "Stop! I'm serious, it's not just a tactic," He insisted to Indra, who also paused. She scowled.

"You are correct, quite, unfortunately."

It seemed that not even a second later, there was squawking outside.

"I can't let anyone in, orders of Octavia and-,"

"I'm Indra's daughter! I'm the only Flamekeeper left, which, despite a lack of the flame, makes me at Octavia's side."

"You can let Gaia through," Octavia called out, using her foot to nudge open the door, "She's fine. Kane too, if he re-appears." Octavia instructed to Echo, who just nodded sternly. She stepped part-way into the room, ears tilted.

"Octavia," Gaia turned, worried, "The Black Rain has stopped. Some of the tribes have chosen their 100 and want to come down into the bunker. They'll be here soon. What do I...how do I...it's not open, yet, is it?" She asked desperately, "Kane is stalling, but there is a...method amongst most tribes for the chosen." She added.

"I…" Octavia looked back at the still locked door, and her shoulders slumped. She slowly shook her head. Jasper came up on her other side, watching her face change a couple times. Finally, she squared her shoulders.

"Let them come. It's time to face the music," She said softly.

Gaia was hesitating, which gave Jasper just enough time to slam the door behind Echo's back, "No!" He demanded, "What the hell are you thinking? They're going to fucking murder you if they come down here and this isn't open!" Jasper demanded.

"Jasper, maybe we need to realize it's not going to!" Octavia shook her head, "If I'm supposedly a leader, what kind of leader would I be if I send all these people to a goose-chase and the chamber does not open? Wouldn't they rather be with their families, really saying goodbye and maybe doing something instead of waiting around, thinking it will?" She said.

"I must advise against this," Indra began to say but Octavia shut her off with a hand.

"I must take responsibility for this. I have to accept that Bellamy isn't going to pull through- he's dead or locked up but he's just not going to make it." She said her whole voice breaking. Gaia was still hesitating by the door, clearly not wanting to deliver this task.

"You, stay there!" Jasper said, throwing a finger at her, "Don't move." Something in his tone made her pause, despite Octavia being the heda, not him. Maybe she was just grateful to have someone arguing against it.

"Octavia, O, listen to me. Don't look at them, look at me," Jasper said, grabbing both her cheeks and pulling her face toward him. It was bloody, sweaty, and still stained with ashes and now a couple tears as well, "You are not allowed to give up hope. You can't do this. I'm fucking selfish, okay? You promised me a safety and you gotta give me that, but to do that, you have to believe it's going to happen and not let a bunch of angry grounders murder you. You can't just take this away from me after I decide to live. Remember what you said at the start of all this? That you were doing it for me? I love that you did it for everyone in the end, but there's still me, okay? I'm still here. We're going to open that...it will all work out. We're going to lay in our bed and our canoe and play monopoly for five years straight and talk to our family picture and it's going to be awesome." He said.

"I...I can't do this," Octavia shook her head, "I don't know how to."

"I will then, acting as you. Do you give that permission to me?" He asked.

Octavia hesitated, then nodded. There was a ripple of relief because obviously, Jasper was not seeking certain death.

"Echo, I think Octavia's just tired and worn out. Find her some food," He directed, "And water."

"Indra," He said, giving a little nod to Octavia. Indra got the message immediately and guided Octavia over to the softest object in the area.

"Gaia, tell the clans they may gather two floors above. Tell them in light of Octavia's choice to become one clan, she wishes that everyone enter together, all mixed in, to further emphasize this. Every clan will go in together and therefore go in as one. And, it might not be a bad thing for them to get to know the people they'll be living in close quarters for the next 5 years. In fact, encourage them to mingle." Jasper said, "This is all coming from Octavia, of course." He added.

"That...yes, of course, I will." Gaia nodded.

"Echo?" He prompted, who was staring at him with wide eyes and a look of, maybe admiration maybe the urge to murder him? He figured maybe it was one in the same.

"Keep this one around, please." Echo said, "He might be the one that ends up saving us," She muttered and ducked out. She returned not long later with a canteen of water and a roll of bread. Jasper handed them to Octavia, wrapped in a blanket. She wordlessly took them and began to eat, as only now realizing how starved she was.

Jasper walked to the hatch, staring at it, willing it to open. This was not so.

"That was...impressive." Indra said in a low tone, standing beside him, "I previously thought no one could do that to Octavia, except, perhaps Lincoln."

"Reason with her?" Jasper raised an eyebrow. He rubbed his head, "I hate using the 'woe is me' card, the whole selfish card. I mean, but it worked." He rolled his shoulders, "The Blakes...I'm sure you know this...but they have a tendency to over-hero," He chuckled, "Make unnecessary martyrs of themselves. Sometimes they just need a little selfishness to bring them back."

"If it keeps us all alive, I can hardly complain. I think her brother will come through." Indra said decisively.

"I mean, I do want to live now. That wasn't a lie. But I can't imagine her not living, and if those grounders had come…" Jasper shuddered.  
"Yes, even in the bunker opened, she wouldn't have been there for it," Indra nodded.

"She needs sleep and rest and maybe some real medicine." Jasper said, "And I get it, we're starting a new colony and there's no time for that but-,"

"I do not expect Octavia to last on this forever," Indra shook her head, "No, I promise we will make her sleep. If she leaves you in charge while she rests, I doubt we'll be in trouble. You surprised me, Jasper Jordan. You are much more capable of leading than I thought."

Jasper thought of his time on the Ark, where he hadn't been an impressive member of society, drug use or not. Jasper thought back to when he was just at the dropship camp, and how he spent almost all his days just goofing around until he decided he was going to impress Octavia and how he began taking on leadership roles after that, or bigger things, like blowing up the bridge. He almost said that it was Octavia that made him a leader, but then he thought of in Mount Weather. Octavia hadn't been there and he hadn't thought much of her, other than a couple momentary thoughts that he hoped she was safe, and he'd truly become a leader then. That had been all on him. The realization even surprised him.

"Well, what can I say, I'm a man of surprises."

Luckily, Octavia seemed a much healthier color after eating and drinking and even closed her eyes for a couple seconds. It wasn't as long as he would have liked, but she came up to him, offering him what was left at the bottom of the canteen.

"You can stop being a martyr too," She said, "Yeah, I heard the comment."

"Hey," Jasper muttered, starting to get a little defensive, "You know that-,"

"I'm fine. I just needed someone to slap me with some sense." She frowned, "I don't know why I said that." She admitted.

"Look, you are running on no food, water, medicine, pain-killers, or sleep. I'm surprised you're not talking gibberish or you haven't fainted yet. I was there to save the day." He pushed out his chest a little in faux-arrogance. Octavia nudged the water bottle to him yet again, and realizing she was stubborn as she was sorry, she was not going to drink the last of it. It felt like the best thing he'd ever had.

"How much longer do you think until the fire comes to us, just, theoretically?" Octavia questioned.

"Well, if had to say-,"

There was a hissing noise, the sound of a seal opening that caused everyone in the room- Echo, Jasper, Octavia, and Indra to all jump to their feet. They stared at the door in disbelief, and Jasper thought he must be hallucinating as it slowly opened, before smashing to the ground on the other side, revealing the entrance.

"Oh, I knew you'd come through!" Octavia leaped up, throwing herself nearly down the chute at her brother, "I love you so much. I know I wasn't able to say it before but I almost died and you could have died and-,"

"I know, I know, I love you too," Bellamy said, gripping her tightly. She hissed at his touch, and he pulled back to see her blood-stained shirt, "We need to get you some attention, right now," He said, starting to drag her under.

"I will, soon. There are things I have to do first." She said, nodding, pulling him up.

"What could you possibly have to do?" He asked, eyes bulging.

Gaia stumbled into the room, Kane on her heels.

"I tried to stall them, but they've all decided and they want to come and I managed to outrun them and-," She stopped mid-sentence, looking at the hatch, "Great Heda...you...it's open!"

"Talk about a dues ex machina," Jasper said, pretending to wipe a bead of sweat from his head. Behind him, Bellamy stifled a snort.

"What does he mean?" Indra said, whispering to Octavia. Octavia just groaned.

"Zero clue, him and his references to movies and books I never saw or read…"

"Bellamy, you came through," Kane said, staring into the stairway.

"With Abbey's help," Bellamy said, and Jasper could hear him explaining in the background that Abby had helped free him, but Jasper was much more interested in the sound of the stampeded coming toward Octavia. She strode forward, then looked behind her and arranged Indra and Jasper right behind her on each side very meaningfully and awaited her clan.

Jasper stared out at the thousand faces of the people she now commanded, that now looked to her for guidance. It was a healthy mix of the young, the old, men, woman, elderly and children. A lot looked scared but hopeful and not so much different than his own people, he was sure. Whatever his own people were, that is.

Echo smiled with dark eyes, going to stand beside someone from her clan. Octavia drew out her sword, stopping her movements.

"Not you," She said stonily.

"We had a deal," Echo growled out, fingers inches away from her bow and arrow.

"Really?" Octavia's eyes widened, "Jasper, do you recall me ever explicitly promising Echo, specifically, a place in the bunker?" She asked innocently.

"Hmm, now that you say so," Jasper responded in equally over-the-top innocence, "Now that you say, I think you just said Azgeda, isn't that right Indra?"

"Yes," Indra said, grinning, no playfulness in her voice as had happened between Jasper and Octavia (but Jasper would have fallen over if she'd continued to play along), "She did."

Octavia took a step forward so that she was inches away from Echo's face and whispered something, but Jasper couldn't hear. But it was something that he needed to hear later, from the way Octavia's lip curled up in triumph and the look of fast thinking on Echo's face as she tried to claw her way from this situation, opening her mouth but never managing to find a comeback.

Finally, she turned, swallowing hard and giving an accepting nod to a couple of her comrades.

"Be thankful knowing your banishment will be short," Indra called after her, which to her, was the closest to a joke she might ever make, with the exception of some really great puns.

Echo turned once more, and Jasper was sure it was because she thought she had to get the last word in, but she just replied, "Priamfaya awaits," and left without a fight.

Octavia took her step back, grinning at the people before her. It was such a happy, breathless and carefree grin that it took Jasper by surprise. What shocked him more, however, were how many of the grounders returned that look. Apparently, the look of being saved was universal.

"Hello, everyone. I understand that the choice you and your clans all had to make just now is unspeakable, and know that we will always honor those that were left behind so others could live. But we must focus on the living, and more specifically us as one. I meant what I said when I said one clan living together...we will be one clan. We're going to spend five years down there and I think it would be an awful way to live if we just stayed in our lanes, didn't talk to each other, didn't acknowledge each other. People will die, people will fall in love, kids will be born-within these people, across lines that won't exist because it shouldn't need to exist. I promise you that I will do my best to be a leader for all clans because I have no loyalty to one over the other- not even the one I was born into. I am your Heda, your teacher, your friend. When we walk those hatch doors, I am also the same as you. A member of the Wonkru." She took a breath, continuing, "I realize change does not occur overnight. I'm not going to force you all to choose sleeping quarters in different places, scattered. I know we can't go from 12 to 1 all in one day. It's a process. So, while we are moving toward that, I would like each 100 to delegate one speaker that will meet with me continually to ensure that their clan's specific requests are being met, or that it is smoothly transitioning. Now, let's see our home." She said, and a great cheer went up. Bellamy was squinting at Octavia.

"Heda?" he echoed, confused.

"Better respect me now, big bro. I'm the boss here," She joked, winking. Jasper, who followed her down, patted his shoulder.

"I'll explain it all later," He assured and then took a deep breath before sinking into the ground to look at where he'd continue to live. He hadn't taken much time to do it the first time around, nor had Octavia since she was sure she was going off to war anyway. It seemed...brighter, better now.

Before they could reach the main cavernous area, Jaha was waiting, standing firm and scowling.

"I will not let you do this. You are young and a child and you cannot be making choices like this." He said quietly, as though he was speaking to a five-year-old, "I cannot allow you to displace over 300 people and leave them to die."

Octavia took a step right up to him, so she was square with him.

"I don't think you're in that sort of position anymore, to be making such declarations." She narrowed her eyes, "If all the grounders behind me hear that you're hesitating, they will kill everyone in there. I'm giving you the same as everyone else got; in fact, I'm going to stave off the grounders from choosing for you."

"You are killing 300 people. Your people. 300 lives on your hands." Jaha said.

"That's not going to work. I don't think they've been my people for a long time, but they will be after you've chosen. And, really, you will have 400 lives on your hands if you don't step aside. And, I'm pretty sure you already know how that feels. This has been decided already, Thelonious. The people behind that door are no more special than any of the other thousands of grounders that were left behind."

"This is cruel," Jaha continued to argue, "They've already settled in. People have chosen bunks and-,"

"Well, that wouldn't quite be such a problem had you not moved everyone in so prematurely." Octavia continued, "Everything you sling at me is just a desperate attempt to remove the guilt you hold."

Jasper bit back a wide grin. Had it been different circumstances, he would have tried to high-five Octavia. But he stood with a stony expression, an immovable force behind his Heda. But stars, this was really hot.

"I have no guilt. In fact, I feel...alive. I came to the conclusion long ago even if I let all the Skaikru into the bunker, I still couldn't save everyone. This, at least, is fair." Octavia continued, "Step aside."

Kane shoved his way through the throng of people beginning to come down the stairs to see what the hold up was.

"Kane!" Jaha cried in relief, "Please, tell me that this child isn't really who the grounders choose to be in charge?" He demanded, "Tell me that you see the insanity of this?"

"Thelonious, you have been my friend for a long time. And, I've said it before carefully, but this time, I'm going to blunt- you are wrong, and I am with Octavia. For your own good, you must step aside."

Jaha's jaw seemed to unhinge, and he was so stunned that it was easy for Octavia to push past him. The main area was filled with a few milling Skaikru members, children playing ball and parents socializing that all looked up with confusion as they heard more people than they thought would be coming down begin to echo around the walls.

Jasper scanned the area, recalling seeing an office of some sort in the short time he'd spent down here. Octavia spotted it too.

"Jaha, Kane, Abby, Bell, and Clarke- I think you might want to come into the office while I explain it to you," Octavia said, motioning to her brother. Clarke looked torn between pain and pride. Jasper had a feeling she helped with this little ruse, especially stealing Bellamy. He was upset, but not entirely so. If he still had such an allegiance to one clan, yes, he might be tempted to do something just as insane. Clarke had always gone overboard with things, he thought, so this had been no different.

"Your office," Indra corrected, "Shall I start to guide people toward the bunk rooms?" She asked.

"Yes, that would be most helpful." She agreed.

"I'll go help. I mean, at least I'll be a familiar face when I herd people back to the center." Jasper offered, "You got this." He said, nudging her shoulder. Octavia gave him a grateful smile, and she led the 'leaders' of Skaikru to the office space.

"I understand this must be difficult for you, Jasper Jordan," Indra said. Jasper wondered if she realized he had a first and last name. Did grounders have last names? Anyway, he didn't mind it. It made him feel accepted by her, a little.

"Not unbelievably so," Jasper said, coming upon the first bunk set, "I'd do anything for Octavia, and this is the least of my worries."

In the office, Octavia ran her fingers along the desk, watching as Jaha practically radiated fury, now that he'd processed everything.

Before anyone could say anything, the radio crackled and a very exhausted sounding voice-matching much how Octavia felt currently- echoed around the area.

"This is Raven Reyes, and I'm alive."

There was a moment of stunned silence, and then Clarke's quiet, "Oh, thank stars…" as her shoulders collapsed. Last Octavia had heard of Raven, she'd been taking herself out of the equation, much as Jasper had been trying to do about a month ago. She was, despite the fact she'd never been extremely close with the black-haired girl, glad to hear she was alive and wanted to live. Raven was a logical, can-do person. She sincerely hoped that she'd be chosen to come into the bunker, part of the 100.

"We'll go get Raven," Kane spoke after a long moment, and Octavia had been curious who would start first, "We need to prioritize, to keep this facility alive. Raven is paramount."

"Well, we wouldn't be making such choices, prioritizing," Jaha spat the word like it was a swear word, "If she had not ruined this."

"I am making amends for all we have done. This is justice." Octavia said calmly, "I understand your anger, but it will not change my mind, nor will badgering me."

"She's just 18, Thelonious," Abby agreed, staring angrily at her friend.

"Yes! That's what I'm saying! She is a child and somehow she has named herself the leader!" Jaha threw his hands out, "You cannot think this is going to work."

"She was chosen by the remaining grounders. She gave them life, and I think she will lead well, despite being young." Kane said, and Bellamy whipped his head to look at Kane so fast Octavia thought her brother might get whiplash.

"How many of us will die? Thanks to you," Jaha demanded, pointing a finger at Octavia, "And you?" He turned on Bellamy. Clarke took a protective step forward, crossing her arms.

"364, to be quite exact." Octavia said, "It does not make me happy to do this, but fair is fair. You will get 100 spots, just like everyone else. My brother gets one, you will not punish him for doing the right thing. The rest? It's up to you. I am the leader of the rest now, and I am not partial to any one clan." She said quietly, "The choice of who stays and who goes is up to all of you to decide, however that might happen."

"100…" Abby echoed quietly, knitting her eyebrows.

"Be grateful it's that," Octavia said, "There are many grounders in here that would like to see Skaikru killed. I will not let you die, not like that. Not all of you." She said, voice reaching a soft level.

"Grateful? How can we be grateful when we are locking out 300 plus members that have thought they've been safe for the past day?" Jaha asked.

"All the clans feel that pain of leaving members behind, four times what you will sacrifice. You're no victim here."

"I think he's saying it's different. The clans never knew or thought so firmly they would survive. The people in here thought that…" Abby trailed off, her wrinkles becoming pronounced at her thought.

"Once again, I ask Jaha why he thought himself superior enough to do such a thing?" Octavia questioned, "I am generous. I understand this is a task too difficult to imagine, but one that has to happen. The fire comes in 24 hours. You have 12 to decide." Octavia said, "I will be here. I can't say I wanted this but want no longer has a place in my choices. You, of all people, must understand that, Jaha."

She nodded to Bellamy and Kane, who understood her dismissal and started herding the others out of the room. She gave a long, heaving sigh. She hadn't thought that it would hurt so much. These are the people that wanted to kill her for just being born. Why did it hurt so much more to sentence these people to death? Why did her heart hurt?

But, she couldn't focus on that, because her job as a leader was just beginning.

The radio crackled again, and for a second, Octavia thought it was Raven calling until she heard a male voice.

"Anyone there? We are on our way to Polis, repeat, we are on our way."

"Monty!" Octavia gasped in relief, lunging for the radio, "Monty, I thought...didn't Priamfaya already come to Arkadia?" She questioned.

"It is coming, soon. We can out-run it though, and we will be there soon." Monty replied, "It's good to hear your voice too, Octavia."

"We?"

"Me and Harper. We're the only ones who...who are left." He added quietly. Octavia swallowed hard.

"Explain."

So, he did. Octavia listened in horror, imagining in another life, that could have been Jasper. The thought squeezed her heart like a sieve, and it wasn't a fun feeling.

"You just get here, okay? Jasper's going to be so damn happy, you know?"

"Where is he?"

"He's...doing something for me. I can go get him." Octavia began to offer, but Monty cut her off.

"Nada. We're about to go into a section that has zero communication. We'll see you when we get there, though." Monty said, "Will you give him my-," the feed cut off abruptly, and Octavia's heart clenched. She could only hope that it wasn't anything bad.

It was about half an hour before she heard the loud yelling commotion of people being shoved into the main area, too many people than should fit in the landing bowl, but all squeezing together. Jaha was at the front, gesticulating wildly to Bellamy and Clarke. Kane slid open the door of the office, and for a brief second, Octavia heard his words.

"-Three out of four people are going to die tonight. Still think you made the right choice?"

The door slid behind Kane, once again drowning out his words and the screams of the people below. Octavia was glad. She didn't want to hear much more.

"You have to...you can't think too hard about that," Kane said, reading her face, "I had to make many awful decisions on the Ark that I have to live with, even if it's the exact opposite of what I wanted to do...such as floating your mother."

Octavia jumped at the mention of her mom, and turned, mouth slightly agape.

"You, did you know her?" She asked, tilting her head, "It was hard for you?"

"There was a time I guess I could say I knew her well. We were young." He said, shrugging.

"What happened?"

"We grew up." Kane said, shaking his head, "Point is, you may always remember the choices, as you should, but if you let them devour you, then what was the point of making it in the first place?" He asked, "I'm going to try to contact Raven, plan with her to get her back here," He said by way of explanation.

The door slid open again. It was Abby.

"There you are," She sighed in relief when she saw Kane, "It's a madhouse out there."

"Abby, could you possibly look at Octavia? She sustained a couple deep wounds during the fight." Kane said, and Abbey was nothing if not a doctor first. She nodded and Octavia willingly lifted her shirt so Abby could see the worst one, the one Indra had to stitch messily.

"We should get you some antibiotics, otherwise, this is good enough to hold. You'll have a scar, though," Abbey said apologetically.

"All warriors eventually do," Octavia shrugged, "I guess I will be no different."

She turned to Kane, "Monty radioed in. He and Harper are coming."

"I thought...I thought they'd be dead." Kane said, looking up from adjusting the radio's reception, "Well, Monty is very important, he is quite knowledgeable." Kane said.

"But Harper?" Octavia questioned, and Kane hesitated, "I know I said I am not going to decide for, and I'm not, but I think if you want Monty, Harper comes too. He won't step foot inside here without her."

"He's young." Abby said comfortingly, "He can find love again."

"I don't think he'd agree. I couldn't blame him." She said, standing, "I'll return later. I'll give you the room." She said, intending to find Indra to see how the rest of the clan was settling in, and also to find Jasper.

She found Indra first, talking with Gaia and a couple warriors that Octavia did not recognize, but from their garbs, they were not from Indra's kru.

"If you excuse me," Indra said, nodding to them, "Those were some of the wise elders of the remaining grounders. I will introduce you at a later date, maybe to consider one or two to your council." She said, "But for now, we focus on getting the proper number of Skaikru."

"Yeah. Hey, Indra...so, I just wanted to offer you the position of second in command. I mean, I don't know if there's like a ceremony or precedent for it, but I just wanted to say it out loud. Officially." She fumbled a little over her words, rubbing her fingers.

"I must respectfully decline," Indra said.

"What?" Octavia choked on her words, "But you're...you...I thought you said…"

"I will still be on your council, and I am your mentor. But a mentor and a second in command are two very different things. Your second in command should be someone who is a foil to you, someone who isn't afraid to knock some sense into you. I think it should be that Jasper Jordan."

"Jasper…" Octavia echoed. She hadn't thought of him in that position, and Indra's answer left her a little stupefied.

"Octavia, as I told you before, it was rare a Heda was a mother. I happened to be around for four Hedas that had children before or during their reign. Two of those were attached to a significant other and without a doubt, those two reigns were two of the most productive and peaceful times. There is something undeniable about two people who love each other working together toward something."

"Well, I don't know if I love him," Octavia mumbled.

"But I feel you will," Indra replied, "I questioned your choice of a lover, originally, but I now see he is a leader like you are, a good one. I think he would be invaluable to your molding and creation of this group."

"If you think that's best," Octavia considered it.

"You have to think it's best too. If you truly object, I will be your second, but I don't think I would be as good as one as he would. Besides, it is also useful to have opposing genders." She added.

"I don't know if he'd want it," Octavia confessed after a second. Indra ran her thumb across Octavia's face, wiping away some dirt.

"Child, he would do anything you asked him to. Now come; there is nothing to be done right now. You need to sleep during this period." She encouraged.

"Yes mom," Octavia chuckled sarcastically, but there was a flash of something in Indra's eyes, a way she looked softer when Octavia called her that.

"Jasper should be finishing up helping the clans settle. Let's find him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a nice and long chapter, right before the last one!
> 
> I have a couple just notes of things that I wanted to address in this chapter, things I felt needed to be discussed or my own headcanons!
> 
> 1) Jasper as a healer. I could see it in his personality. Someone pointed out that he doesn't care much about his own well-being, but he'd do anything for the ones he cares about- Monty, Octavia, Bellamy and ect. In this way, I think he's quite a lot like Clarke and maybe I'll explore the possibility of him being more science-y with healing at a later date.
> 
> 2) Talking to Kane about the floating rule. I mean, it was just never brought up again, and Kane I think would have absolutely had a hand in the choices. This is a big deal. I believe it's unsaid but the 100 know they would have been floated (except, maybe not Clarke, but maybe so) if this hadn't intervened. And how do you forgive someone, even if it was the law? I would have liked to see a little more about that. Jasper was pissed at Jaha, but mostly because Jaha has always been a semi-villian, since season 2 at least.
> 
> 3) Octavia as a leader. One thing I'll be super interested to see in season 5 is Octavia as a leader. But, something that I think should have been explored more was Jasper as a leader. He was totally a leader in Mt. Weather and then it's like that just never happened. I think it actually would have helped his mental illness if he had a bigger role in things afterwards at Arkadia, something good to work through. So, like O, I'm going to exploring Jasper as a leader too!
> 
> 4) No one can tell me otherwise but Kane is Octavia's biological dad. I don't think he's Bellamy's, but you will pry this hadcannon from my dead, cold, fingers. And Indra has become Octavia's mom. Kane and Indra adopt Octavia. It's just facts.
> 
> Anyway, please drop me a review :) Nothing gives me a high like reading a review!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, here it is...finally. I do apologize for the long wait, but I saw the new trailer and got back into the 100, to say the least.

In fact, Jasper was just finishing up helping some of the elders of Trishanakru find their beds, flinging their items on the bunks, when Octavia found him. He'd originally had not a great view of the grounders, considering the first months on earth were spent trying to avoid being killed by them. But he hadn't really thought about the giant hole-scar on his chest in a long time and it was so unimaginable that these were the same people, when they were just like the people he knew. It was...eye opening.

"Jasper, hey." Octavia called, and he waved goodbye to the elder he'd been talking with and met her at the door.

"You look read to fall over and sleep on the concrete." He said, grabbing her arm. She gave a yawn-laugh.

"I feel like it. Let's go, I need to sleep if I have to get up in like eight hours and make hard choices." She said. Jasper nodded once, pulling her to their little area. It was untouched, it was a sanctuary.

"I talked with Monty." Octavia, pulling off her boots and wiping her hands over her face in a failed attempt to wash it off.

"What?" Jasper turned, mid-movement of taking his shirt off, with the intention to nap with her.

"He's alive, and he's on his way here."

"Woah...and...Harper?" He asked, but he was almost afraid of the answer.

"Alive." Octavia grinned.

"And the rest?"

Octavia now grimaced, "They opted out. Jobi nuts. But it wasn't...Monty said they just couldn't quite get the dosage right, but, now they're out of pain, I suppose."

Jasper felt this information lie heavy on his chest. He laid back, staring at the ceiling, "If I had been there, it would have been painless," He said quietly. There had been a lot of people he liked, many delinquents. While he no longer agreed with them, he hurt know they were in pain when they died.

"Stop that. You'd be dead too if you were there!" Octavia said, and he was surprised when he turned to see tears forming in her eyes, "You are here and alive and you're not allowed to regret that." She said harshly.

"O, I could never." He said, "I just wish they hadn't thought that was the way out." He said, "I wish their lives hadn't always been filled with pain. I wish, for their end, Riley had gotten the fucking dosage right. They went out the way they lived, and they didn't need that." He paused, considering, "Always painful," He echoed softly. He sort of meant it about himself too. He recalled once Monty promised him he would be happy again. It seemed so unimaginable at the time, yet here he was, curled up safe with someone he really, really liked. It was so unexpected to him, and yet, Monty seemed to know something like this would happen. He wished he could have told him and he wished they could have believed him.

"Me too. I mean, I wished it wasn't like this," Octavia whispered.

There was a long pause, then she gave out a soft chuckle.

"What?"

"I'm just thinking," Octavia said, looking up at the ceiling too, a web of pipes running all along, "About Finn. I haven't thought about him in ages. But he was willing to die for Clarke, and maybe that's where he fucked up. In this world, it's not about dying for someone...that's far too easy. No, in this life, what really means something is being willing to live for someone, despite it all. Harper loved Monty enough to live for him." Octavia said decisively.

"Same could be said for me," Jasper agreed, and Octavia blushed, as though she hadn't gotten as far as connect it to Jasper yet, "I wouldn't just do that for anyone, but I think you know that."

"I was pretty sure I could convince you. You already lived for me once."

"When did I...oh, come on," Jasper snorted, "I didn't have any choice if I pulled through this or not," He said, pointing to his spear wound. Octavia's fingers brushed over it softly. She grinned at him wickedly.

"I like to think it was all me, and you had a choice." She said confidently, "Maybe, subconsciously…"

"I think you're too tired to think straight." Jasper replied, "C'mon, let's just take a nap before something else starts to go wrong," He moaned.

"Before we sleep," Octavia was yawning, but she seemed determined to tell him something, "I want you to be my second. Second in command." She clarified.

"Hey, we can talk about this later," He said, sure she was too sleep-addled to be thinking straight. Him? Yeah, she was clearly sleep deprived.

"No, really. Indra agrees...you'd be good. Please…" She was already trailing off, eyes folding.

"If you insist," He said, pulling her in and running his fingers through her hair, "Now seriously. Let's hope we can get some shut eye. Who am I kidding though, we don't have luck like that." Octavia didn't respond to his joking tone. She was already asleep.

And indeed, he was partially correct. It wasn't long before something was wrong, and both Jasper and Octavia were jolted by loud screaming and rioting protests.

"Hell in a handbasket, what now?" Jasper leaned over, fingers rummaging for his shirt.

Octavia was grabbing her boots so she could investigate too.

"You truly say the strangest of things sometimes, and that's coming from someone who met Lincoln when I didn't speak Tridesleng at all." Octavia informed him. Their little room was close enough to the main area that they were woken by the protest that was currently brewing, one involving Niylah.

Jasper didn't know her extremely well, but he'd interacted with her once or twice. He'd been a self-loathing jerk during that time, so he wasn't sure she had a high opinion of him, but he genuinely liked her. He hadn't known she'd been here, but then again he didn't know if she had a specific clan she was assigned to. He was pretty sure she'd come with their group.

He saw Indra appear from one of the hallways too, peering down at the commotion with a worried expression. Octavia threw her hair up in a pony, stalking out, muttering under her breath.

The yelling was all jumbled, angry people shouting in their loudest voices all at once, but Jasper caught clips of their argument.

"I can fix a water generator. Do you think these savages can?"

"Why should we get less spots when I'm sure they don't know the difference between one machine to another?"

"These people are going to kill us, because we won't be around to run the place!"

"What about her!" One of the most vocal men yelled, his voice rising above the crowd as he pointed to someone on the sidelines, the edge of the group. He was pointing at Niylah and Jasper's stomach dropped, "Is her name in the lottery, too? We're just gonna let some Grounder take a bed from one of our own?" He demanded.

"Yeah," Another man said, nodding viciously, reaching forward and manhandling her, "Let's let her own people save her, or throw her out!"

"Are you going to intervene?" Jasper asked quietly to Octavia.

"I... " Octavia hesitated, "I told them I wasn't going to decide who they saved, but this-" She shook her head.

Jasper watched in front of him as the situation escalated until it got to the point that the first name, apparently named Hardy, was pulling Niylah by her shirt to drag her out of the bunker forcefully. It was such a grotesque action, something that reminded Jasper of the worst of people from Skaikru, those that found it fit to punish and kill children, leave them for dead and then demand back their respect afterwards. It was the arrogance in his eyes, the adamant belief his life was somehow grander than hers.

"This is crossed the line," Jasper said, fists clenched.

"I fucking agree," Octavia's eyes were narrowed and her voice was dangerously low. She strode forward, and two grounders close to where they had arrived flanked her.

"Guards, stop them!" Kane was frantically trying to calm the crowds, but was doing so poorly. The guards of Skaikru were hesitating, looking at their own people and the man yanking Niylah out. She turned around, her fists connecting with the man's jaw, the sound of her screams and that smack echoing over the booming voices. He was stronger though, and this just made him more enraged. Hardy jumped forward, grabbing Niylah and slamming her to the wall, the crunch her forehead made when it hit the concrete a sickening sound.

Octavia sprung past everyone, Jasper following, and the two guards that were near Octavia grabbed both men, spinning them out of the way of Niylah. Hardy stood to fight, but Octavia drew her sword. Jasper could not recall a time he'd seen her so furious about something. She placed it at the throat of Hardy, breathing heavily. Jasper didn't think she'd kill him, but he wouldn't be angry, honestly, if she did.

Niylah pushed herself away from the wall, staring at Octavia with wide eyes, heaving and trying to catch her breath. The entirety of Skaikru stopped, staring at Octavia in complete silence.

"Niylah!" Octavia's voice boomed with the rage of a thousand storms, "You're with me." She said, jerking her head. Indra appeared behind Jasper, as though she teleported, and grabbed out her hand for Niylah to grab, her eyes grazing over the wound on her forehead. Jasper watched this unfold, taking a step forward, glaring down at Hardy.

"She's safe," Octavia looked around, but her fingers never left the hilt and the sword never left his neck, "You now have one less spot to fill." She spat. She looked back at Hardy, and started to draw back, but he leaned forward to hurt her, likely. Jasper moved with the guards, but Octavia was far faster, and she knocked him out with the hilt of her sword. She caught glances with Jasper, and he could just see the rage stewing low. She turned to leave, but a voice made her pause.

"Octavia, please." Jaha pleaded, looking back at where Niylah had disappeared in horror, "You've got to stop this! You're one of us, you're Skaikru! How could you be doing this?" He demanded.

Jasper winced.

"Totally wrong thing to say, man," He muttered under his breath, but no one but Octavia heard him. She sent him a tight smile- but more of a grimace, before turning the same expression to Jaha.

"One of you?" She asked, laughing in disbelief, "You made me hide under the floor. You floated my mother. You sent me to die at the age of 16." She said through gritted teeth, inching closer and closer to him, "I am not one of you. You made that abundantly clear a year ago."

"I-," Jaha started to say, but Octavia shook her head.

Octavia strode to the head of the room to where Indra was waiting, and Jasper followed behind her, glaring at people as he passed. She turned, raising her voice to address everyone.

"All the other clans have chosen their 100. All the other clans, with much less strife than you all are. And you claim they are the savages?" She scoffed, "If you're going to be children about it, fight like this, I will choose who stays and who goes. I don't want to, but I will, so that we all actually have a chance of closing those doors and most of us surviving. And if I do have to choose, men like him will not make the cut," She threatened, pointing back at Hardy, moaning on the ground and grabbing his head, "You think these people are dangerous? Maybe I think he is." The silence that met with her words said it all. She nodded one, sighing hard.

"You have four hours now, before I come down and handle this. Got it?" She said, each word like poison slipping through her lips, each sound articulated and treacherous.

She turned to leave, and Jasper to follow her, but someone in the crowd- one of the men who had been riled up- grasped Jasper's arm and yanked him back.

"Fine, we'll chose. But if we're talking dangerous, what is a delinquent who was sent to the SkyBox for stealing and endangering the lives of sick people doing here?" He demanded, shaking Jasper, "Last I checked, he is a Skaikru member, and why should he be here when I went my whole life without being arrested?" He asked, "Send Jasper and these other troublemakers outside!"

To Jasper's horror, a couple people agreed, shoving him and the few remaining delinquents- Miller included- to the end of the hall. Octavia spun on her heels as soon as she heard what he was saying, and for a moment, Jasper could tell she just froze. With everything else she'd done so far, she'd been calm and level and not stirred by anything. Nothing until this.

"Hands off, jerk. Go float yourself," Jasper spat, kicking him with one of the moves Indra had taught him.

"He hurt me! See! He's a danger to society!" The man called out, which didn't help things. Kane was trying to quiet them all down again, and Jasper noticed Jaha was noticeably quiet about this, just looking at Jasper as though he didn't care what happened to him. The man that had gotten shoved grabbed Jasper's neck, but someone stopped him.

"Get your hands off him," Octavia said, slicing down with her sword and cutting deep into his arm, which was an emotional move, one Jasper wasn't sure she had done for many others. He didn't want her to do that for him, because the people were now seeing a side of her that she had been keeping hidden so far. The side of her that would fell this entire group for him.

"He's with me too. You just lost yourself another spot!" Octavia said, her whole body shaking and her lip trembling so that only Jasper could see and she grabbed his hand to pull him through the crowd.

"Why?" One of the females in the group asked, one that had been saying that they deserved more spots because they were smarter, "You said you weren't going to decide for us. Sure looks like you are."

"Do you really want to fight me? It will be 1000 grounders against 300 of you. Guess who will win?" Octavia spun, stalking up to her, "Try it, just try it!" She taunted.

"O, c'mon," Jasper said, trying to tug her away.

"But why him?" The woman continued, "We hardly touched him and you aren't jumping in to save any other of the SkyBox kids." She pointed out, but hell, she probably knew exactly why. If she made Octavia admit it, who knew how they were going to construe it?

"Leave it. You don't have to explain," Jasper tried to tell her, shoving her away but Octavia shrugged him off.

"Because I need him!" She snarled, and at once she started back an inch, as though her own declaration shocked even herself. It shocked everyone there too, that was for sure, Jasper included. She could have brushed it off, refused to answer. She could have said because he was her second, and then not answered anything else. She could have come up with a multitude of reasons, none so...personal. This, this was big. Jasper didn't feel weird to be 'claimed', instead, despite it all...it felt good to be wanted.

"So what?" Hardy said, standing to his feet, "He gets to live because he's good in bed? If I show you I'm good in bed do I get to stay too? Trust me, I'm sure I'm better than he is," He said, coming dangerously close and creepily toward Octavia. This was exactly what Jasper was afraid of. And now that Octavia's anger was out, he wasn't sure it could be recaptured. A guard pushed him back before he got close, but the words met Octavia with fury. She opened her mouth to reply, but someone else interrupted.

"You're saving him because of a puppy-dog crush? What happens when you break up down the road, as all kids do?" The woman asked, scoffing, "This is ridiculous."

"O...sword away...maybe?" Jasper whispered, noticing the way some people were looking at the blood drip off her weapon. This seemed to get through to her, because she sheathed it and took two long deep breaths through her nose, before setting her gaze on the woman that started it. Then, she smiled a vicious grin.

"Anne Karsten, isn't it?" Octavia said, "Yeah, I remember hearing about you. I know you wouldn't understand since your husband cheated on you and left," She said and Anne flinched, "But that's not going to happen with me and him. Jasper is mine, and will continue to be, as I'm his. So," she shrugged, regaining a sense of her calmness, "If any of you would like to bring up your complains, fine. But you might not survive the talk," She said as the two guards stood on either side of her with scary looking weapons, "But whatever, maybe that's good. One less person to worry about their fate." She clicked her tongue, "Three and a half hours." She said, tapping an invisible watch on her wrist, "C'mon." She muttered to Jasper.

Indra patted her back, sending Jasper an appraising look.

"I see you did learn something," She commented, "You're not completely untrainable."

"Is Niylah fine?" Octavia asked.

"She'll have a headache, but she'll be okay, thanks to you."

Once they were back outside of the main area, in a hallway where it was just Indra, Octavia and the two guards with Jasper, he grabbed her arm.

"Hey...so…" he coughed, rubbing his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. I don't know what came over me. I never thought about securing a space for you because I thought you were just going to be with me and that was known and I didn't have to say it out loud and I just saw them dragging you and I knew that you weren't going to survive if they had say and I just…" She shook her head, still so angry about it that she turned and speared a wooden pole with her sword, shoulders heaving, "No, I was not going to get you all this way to lose you, got it?"

"No, I mean, thanks but, what you said. I guess it's all out in the open now," He said unsurely. He didn't mind, but he didn't think Octavia had wanted to go that far.

"Yeah," She turned, as only now recalling what she'd said, "it is now." She agreed.

"Octavia, it will only get worse. I think your people- former people- are incapable of doing this quietly." Indra said, concerned.

"I know." Octavia bit her lip, "I don't want to choose because they're not my people. I don't know who'd be helpful or who wouldn't be. I don't know who's worth saving and who isn't."

"I heard they're letting fate decide," One of the guards spoke up, "Lottery."

Octavia nodded, mulling over this information. A rock landed in Jasper's stomach.

"You okay, kid?" The second guard asked, his eyes kind, "You look a little...green."

"I'm not," He shook his head, "I need to go talk to Kane," He said absently, starting to leave.

"Are you serious? I just saved you from that hell-group!" Octavia stopped him.

"A lottery in theory sounds fairest, but it's not! What about the rest of the delinquents? The ones they screwed over once before? We've paid our debts...and now they're just going to die out there? After all of it? Hell, no wonder half of them opted the fuck out because they were never going to live anyway! That's not fair, it's not fair. None of this is fair, maybe, but I just…," He swallowed hard, "There's only so many of us left. No one is going to fight for them, didn't you see? You fought for me, but I was their leader for a moment in Mount Weather. I need to fight for them." He said firmly. Octavia looked torn. On one hand, these people had been her first true friends and family, besides Bell. He could tell that thinking about their death upset her. But on the other hand, she took a step away from the doors to the bowl.

"Jasper, I really don't think-,"

"Let him go," Indra advised, "He is a leader too, and this is his cross to carry. I don't know if you will change their minds, but I know your intentions are good. Best luck." Indra said, nodding to him.

Jasper nodded, and the guards let him pass. He wound through the names of every child that had been sent to the ground, all 100 of them. He counted off all the ones that were now dead. There was so few left. They had been his family more than anyone else had, and he knew if Bellamy were here, he'd be fighting for them. He hadn't seen Bellamy, so he assumed he was fetching Raven, which meant Clarke was with him too. So, he'd do what he could.

Octavia's office was occupied with Jaha, Abby and Kane writing out the names of the remaining people on slips of paper, throwing them into a large bowl.

"Jasper," Kane said, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Jasper put emphasis on the 'i'm', "But...we both know this lottery isn't going to be as fair as you say it is, eh?" He said, sitting on a chair.

"Why would you say that?" Kane started to say, "Of course we're-,"

"I knew that you, Jaha, convinced Clarke to tell people that, but it was going to be more controlled. We need a doctor, an engineer, a farmer...and if we got none of those, yeah, life would suck." Jasper said, leaning forward.

Kane opened his mouth, but Jaha answered.

"You continue to surprise me, Mr. Jordan."

"I hear that a lot." Jasper said dryly, "But really, what's the plan?"

"Well, the children, first. Any child under 16 will be spared." Abby said, "They don't deserve to die like that." She cooed. Jasper nodded in agreement.

"I'm here because I think you all really need to consider saving the remaining delinquents." He started. Jaha stopped what he was doing, scowling.

"Now, son-,"

"No," Jasper said firmly, hearing the condescending tone, "You're going to listen to me, okay? There started with 100 of us, but most of us are dead. Do you hear me, most of the people that I depended on to survive are dead...because you sent us to the ground, and you all thought it was basically a suicide mission. Trust me, I know. I know none of you thought we'd survive it, but we did. There's only 22 of us left, including myself, Miller, Murphy, Monty, Harper, and Clarke. You abandoned us on earth, and now you're going to abandon us again? That's not fair. We survived, and we deserve that acknowledgement. We survived and we deserve to survive again because it's just shitty that after all this you aren't giving us a second thought."

"Jasper, I get that you're close to them, but you were locked up."

"The dangerous one of us are gone now. Dax; he killed someone, but he was killed one of the first days here. Drake, he raped a girl, and he was slaughtered by grounders. The worst of the worst didn't survive. The worst left is Murphy, and he's shifty, but he's a good guy...lord, I can't believe I just said that," Jasper chuckled, "There's people like Bree. She was locked up because she missed curfew by 2 minutes because her boyfriend's mom had just been floated. There's Candace, and she was locked up because she helped lie about a kid that stole medicine to save his best friend. There's Grennon, who assaulted a guard because he grabbed his mother's ass. We're not bad people. 21 spots, and there's still plenty left to give to adults who deserve it or who possess important skills."

"That's a very nice speech, but," Jaha said and Jasper just gave a grim smile.

"What if Wells were here? He was a delinquent too. And, if we're discussing priority people, another leader-another politician, which was his study, wouldn't be our first choice...would it?" Jasper hadn't disliked Wells. He hadn't known him well enough before he died to really make a judgement, but he was an okay kid. He hated using this to win his argument...but there it was. The only way to convince a politician was to catch him in his own logic.

"Wells…?" Jaha echoed, as though it had been years since he'd heard that name. Jasper imagined he was the type of person to shove it down, to ignore it so he could go on.

"I do think Jasper's words deserve consideration," Abby was the one to speak up, "What we did to them was...unthinkable. Can we do an unthinkable thing again?"

"We will be doing an unthinkable thing to most of our people," Jaha argued, "People who didn't break the law."

"Those laws were always harsh anyway," Kane said, "I felt no pleasure in having to enforce them. I think they paid for their errors, over and over and over, at least three times over." He said.

"You can go," Abby said, "Unless you'd like to stay and write names." She offered.

"After all that...you're still going through with that?" Jasper's shoulders sagged.

"We have to give the illusion everyone has a fair chance," Kane spoke in a low tone, "Otherwise, there'd be bedlam. It's the most dishonest thing I've ever done, but I don't see another choice. Do you?"

Jasper heistated.

"I don't." He agreed, "I'll help." He said, taking a pen and Kane handed him a printed list.

"Thelonious?" Abby asked. Jasper looked up to see Jaha deep in thought, his face set into a frown.

"It's just...nothing."

"Sure," Kane said, nodding, continuing scrawling. Even Abby didn't seem concerned. Jasper narrowed his eyes. He was not so convinced. One more reason to stick around…

After all the names were written and put into the bowl, everyone was dismissed for a break to stretch their legs before the ones were chosen.

"It will not be so left up to chance," Kane assured Jasper once more as he left, and maybe it was because his eyes lingered so on the bowl.

Jasper left the office, cracking his knuckles and rubbing his neck. He sighed, looking out at the Skaikru people still gathered in the bowl. It was easy to spot Miller in a corner, still with the other delinquents. He wanted to go over and assure them it was going to be fine, but he didn't know how without telling them everything.

He wanted to trust Kane. No, he did. He hadn't expected that, but when Kane told him it was all going to work out, some reason, Jasper believed him.

He turned to find Octavia, until Jaha's moving figure caught his eye. He turned back around slowly, coming up to the bars on the stairways, watching Jaha slip through the people like a snake. There was something in his careful movements that unnerved Jasper, something that made his fists grip the railings harder.

Jaha had been intercepted by Hardy. Jasper waited for Jaha to turn away from him, to rebuke him and his actions, but instead, Jaha looked thoughtful. Hardy looked...contrite. That is, until Jaha's hands came up and Hardy's face turned from a frown to a scowl to a agreeable nod. There was something in that exchange that made the hair on Jasper's neck stand up straight.

He spun around sharply, going back through the bunkrooms with purpose until he found Octavia. She was taking the time to talk to a couple of each from the clans, asking if there was something she could do, assuring them that food and water would soon be passed out.

"Jasper, did it work?" She asked, "Are the others safe?" She questioned. He dragged her outside.

"Jaha is planning something," He said in a low voice.

"What? What is he planning?" Octavia demanded. Jasper forced his lips into a grim line.

"I don't know. It's just something." He said, playing back for Octavia the whole conversation he'd witnessed, albeit without the real words, "I might just be imagining it-,"

"No, I don't think so." Octavia shook her head, "I think without a doubt he's planning something."

She paced for a second, rubbing her chin with enough force to wipe away her makeup, "Indra found guns. She's been pushing me to make the choice. I still gave them time, but who knows what he has up his sleeve? I don't want to go in, because even if we just aim for people like Jaha or Hardy others are sure to die too. And there are kids there, three year olds." She said, her pacing quickening and turning more intense, "Fucking hells, Jaha, why can't you just let something go for once!"  
"What's the problem?" Indra said, coming out of the shadows with the two same guards that had helped Octavia before.

"Jaha is up to something." Jaspe said, and Octavia glared.

"Octavia, it is nearly time." Indra said firmly, "You may say you have no allegiance to the Skaikru anymore, but I know this is still going to be hard for you." Octavia gave a shake of her head.

"What's hard…" Jasper said, "Picking names?"

"The Skaikru will not stop until they are dead. They have been fighting for so long the idea of peace is foreign to them, unable to understand." The guard said, and Jasper winced. What he claimed wasn't untrue.

"Kill all but 100?" Jasper guessed. Octavia gave a quick, curt nod.

"Hell…" Jasper muttered.

"Are you with us, Jasper Jordan?" Indra questioned, "Will you join us?"

"I…" Jasper froze, looking between Octavia and Indra, "I…" He'd thought his allegiance was so put. But, he didn't hate every person in there. And at one point in his life...they'd been something.

"Don't make him do this, Indra," Octavia cut in, "They are still a lot of people he cares about. I don't find it dishonest, I don't think Jasper's trying to undermine me. I will not ask him to participate."

"Very well," Indra bowed her head, "We should begin arming now. I don't think we have a lot of time left."

Jasper followed along, quietly, trying to quell the coming feeling of dread in his gut; whether it was for his former people or these people here, he wasn't sure. All he did know is that if they begun to open fire, lot of people were going to die, and it would be indiscriminate. And they'd fight back, and Octavia cold get hurt. If anyone of them overpowered someone with a gun...his throat went dry. This didn't seem like the solution at all.

Indra made sure all the doors to the bowl were securely locked, so that no one saw what was happening before hand.

"Kane is starting the lottery, it seems to be going fine right now." Jasper commented airily, watching as the direct door to bowl was latched.

"You know Jaha won't just let that happen. Come to think of it, did you see him?" Octavia asked, "It's not going to be fine soon." She said, checking a gun to make sure it was working.

"You sure you aren't going to help?" The guard who seemed more friendly questioned, "You are a good marksman, Jasper." He said.

"The bridge…" Jasper winced, "Erm, no hard feelings?" He asked.

"We were at war. Now, we are not." The man shrugged, "The actions of war are not always the actions of a person's true self." He paused, "Nevertheless, your aim was impeccable."

"I don't think I can today." Jasper said honestly, "I want to think I'm done fighting in wars."

The guard gave him a sympathetic smile, "Don't we all."

There was commotion outside, a growing sound like thunder that soon was barreling through the walls, their cry unmistakable...fight.

Octavia sent Jasper a sorry, but knowing look. Things couldn't have stayed fine.

"Okay," Octavia raised her voice, "Everyone ready yourselves! We want to keep 100 or so alive, preferably the youngest, for they are the least at fault," She said, "But, do not hesitate! This is what needs to happen."

Jasper craned his neck, pressing his ear against the wall, "O, the sound- it's gone!" He said.

"That should worry us even more," Octavia said, grimacing, "Okay! Everyone to the locks! On my count- one, two, three!"

The doors were all opened at once with a whooshing sound, and what greeted them was not what anyone could have predicted. All 300 some people, lying on the ground. Jasper saw Octavia narrow her eyes in suspicion, and raise her weapon.

"It's fine, don't shoot!" Kane said, stumbling over the bodies, wearing a gas mask. He threw it off, "They're all asleep." He looked to the other masked man, who was Jaha, and a look that neither Jasper nor Octavia understood passed between them. When Kane spoke again, his voice was broken, "This is how we save our people."

Octavia slid under the railing, coming up to him, "Explain."

Kane explained all of it; even Jaha's original plan to use the gas to capture Octavia and use her as leverage for spots, and also for others to find the fields and take it hostage. Jasper saw Octavia's face turn, a look of not anger at the betrayal, but just sadness. It was always horrible, Jasper decided, to realize the depravity humans sometimes possessed.

"But now, there will be no more fighting. We can choose, peacefully," Kane finished.

"How long will they be out?"

"Until the end of the world. They won't feel a thing," Jaha said quietly. Octavia nodded, pulling back. She waved her hand and Indra began herding the gunned grounders back.

"Choose soon, we don't have a lot of time," She reminded.

"I know." Kane grimace, "If four or so strongest of your people could remain? It's going to be a lot to carry 300 plus bodies out of here." He pointed out.

"I will send people," Octavia agreed. She nudged Jasper's shoulder, but he felt tethered to the ground.

"What do we do? How can we choose?" Kane turned, asking Jaha.

"Clarke's list." Jaha said, "She's already made the choice. I know where-,"

"No!" Jasper said firmly, causing Octavia to pause and Jaha and Kane to turn, "I've seen it. I don't...I don't think that's what we should use. She wasn't thinking or she was thinking too much when she made it! Plus, a quarter of those people on the list are already dead." He pointed out.

Kane paused Jaha, "He's right. The list was never a good idea."

"Then how do we…"

"Not you," Octavia's voice was rough, "You're lucky you're not currently knocked out too," She threatened Jaha with narrowed eyes, "Him." She looked at Kane.

Kane gave a quiet shake of his head, "I've made too many decisions before, and I'll go to hell for those, and I don't think this is mine to make. I think it's his." He said, looking at Jasper.

Jasper looked around to make sure no one else was around him, no one else that Kane could possibly be looking at before he let out a guffaw, "Me?"

"Him?" Jaha's tone was dry, unbelieving.

"You. The world no longer belongs to us, does it, Jaha? It belongs to the younger ones. And they are the leaders, and they have been for a very long time," Kane defended him, "I know you'll make the right choices. And, whichever they are, we will stand behind you."

"I don't know if I can," Jasper shook his head, "I haven't been part of this group for a long time."

"And that's maybe why it is best," Kane said, "You are...unbiased, yet you still care for them. I feel you have ideas already." he stepped back, "It's up to you now."

"Do it, Jasper," Octavia spoke lowly, "A person with a good heart should be making this choice." She said, "I'm going to get the people to help carry the rest." She said, kissing his cheek.

"Uhm," Jasper rubbed his palms over his face. For a second, he let the absolute fear of failure well up inside him, the fear he'd choose all the wrong people, the fear of having too much power. He also let the guilt rise inside of him, but he corrected himself; he wasn't killing 300, but saving 100. Saving 100 was a lot even so. He, for a second, understood the impossible choice Bellamy and Clarke faced in Mount Weather and he realized he couldn't hate them for that. Not a bit.

He stared out over the faces of the peaceful people. He had to be strategic, but thoughtful. Logical, but kind. He had to count both sides of his brain in for this task and he had to start somewhere.

"The kids," He started, "That...that was a good idea. Saving anyone under 16. They deserve that. Yeah, let's start with the kids."

"Okay, counting yourself and Niylah out, plus me and Jaha," Kane began on his fingers, and it was clear that was Kane's one request. It would be cruel to send Jaha out there, completely sentient. Jasper was sure, however, Kane would keep him in line here, "Raven, Murphy, Bellamy, Clarke, and Monty-,"

"Emori and Harper too. They deserve a chance to be happy in here," Jasper corrected. Kane nodded, adding them to his calculations.

"That's 10 there. 21 kids. You're up to 31."

"Oh, okay," Jasper felt that rock in his stomach. More than a 4th of the space already taken up. But he prevailed.

"Delinquents too. I've made that clear." He added.

"48."

Octavia appeared with four strong looking grounders. Jasper nodded them over, sending two to start putting people that were going to stay in beds, while keeping two behind for when he started cutting people. Maybe, it would just be easier to say 'yes' rather than 'no' and deal with that sort of consequence.

"Abby, David Miller- these two stay." He decided, thinking that Abby was a medic and the look on Kane's face was worth it. David was one of the only guards he'd ever liked on the Ark and he knew that he would be a worthwhile adult around here.

He spent the next hour with Kane picking through the remaining faces. It was a balancing act; he needed to keep important people with important skills, but people that were nice too. He had to choose a few young people that still had years to learn but a few old people that knew it all already. He had to pick at least one elder that had all the information about the Ark because that mattered to people. He had to think of the children being left behind and choose some parents to leave with them, because who was going to care for them, otherwise?

It was easier to do it person by person, rather than throwing people out. Instead of denying people, he was just picking better persons.

It seemed simultaneously like it was all too soon but also an eternity when Kane tapped his shoulder.

"100," He said quietly.

Jasper took a moment, and almost looked back among the faces left, but stopped himself. He couldn't second guess it now. He had to continue on.

"You should go. We can finish taking the rest out," Kane said after a long moment.

Jasper gave a steely shake of his head.

"I choose who stays. I help who goes." He said carefully. Kane looked ready to argue, but nodded.

"I'm helping too," Octavia said, despite the protests from Indra, "My former people...my responsibility." She agreed.

"Well, if we cannot force you otherwise…" Jaha began. Kane almost smiled.

"When have we ever been able to do that?" He asked, "There are more suits in the landing next to the stairway we should all put on if we are to do this. With Priamfaya this close we cannot afford to not wear them." He said, "And, we will seal the inner doors here, just so no one feels the effects," He said, pointing to all the doors along the bowl, "We do not stop until it is done."

"Agreed," Octavia said, jerking her head to the four grounders, now that everyone Jasper had chosen were put into beds, "Come, let's hurry."

It took longer than it likely should have, only because Jasper was adamant on the way they were treated. He would not stand for people to just throw them out into the streets like garbage, piling up on each other like piles of decaying corpses. No; he made everyone take the time to set them down gently, respect them for people who'd never live again. Kane tacked onto this right away, and soon was directing that people be laid to rest with certain others; mothers and fathers with daughters or sons, wives and husbands resting on each other, grandparents with grandchildren...it was unlikely they'd wake up by the time Priamfaya hit, but if they did, they'd find their loved ones easily. But it was more so that if there was an afterlife, they'd awaken next to each other or maybe subconsciously it would be enough to know they weren't dying alone.

Jasper's arms ached from carrying bodies to and from, and soon, there was only one teenager left; a kid only a year older than Jasper.

"We used to sell him weed," Jasper sighed, staring at his face. He was just average in everything, and Jasper couldn't bring himself to save him.

"We'll take him out. We will be back soon. Kane, I want you to find Indra and start finding the food and water. Start distributing it." She commanded.

"Be back swiftly. It won't be long now," Kane said.

The other helpers disappeared into the hatch, and Jasper grabbed his shoulders while Octavia grabbed his legs. Together, they worked to set him down among the sea of bodies.

"It's not the worst way to go," Octavia said, her voice echoing through the mechanical mouthpiece, "You just go to sleep and never wake up. They didn't even know before. They didn't have to worry." She said, looking down.

"But some never got to say goodbye. That's awful." Jasper said, imagining the children down there waking up without their mom or dad, or just anyone in general. He blinked once and felt tears on the edge of his eyes. Going without saying goodbye to someone that you loved, that struck a chord with him.

"Still," Octavia said.

"Your fight is over." Jasper said, nodding to everyone all at once. Jasper turned to head back down, but Octavia grabbed his hand.

"Wait. Come with me."

Silently, she led him to the elevator. He was quiet and curious as she brought them up to the Heda's floor, the top, and led him out.

"What are we doing?" He asked.

Octavia's grin was soft as she continued to drag him to the balcony.

"It's pretty, isn't it?" She asked. Out in front of them was one of the most vibrant sunsets Jasper had ever seen in his life. Not the first, but it was definitely up there, "I know you love them. I couldn't imagine that we would go in there and not see one for at least five years. I thought you'd appreciate this." She said.

"Earth is really beautiful, even at the hands of the apocalypse." Jasper said, grinning, setting his chin on the railing, "I do appreciate it. If we weren't in hazmat suits, I'd kiss you right here. Romantic, right?"

"Yeah," Octavia said, rubbing slow circles on his back, "I admit...I spent so long locked up being free, in the air, was just…" She shook her head, "It's hard to come to terms I'll be going back there. I'm just gunna miss this."

They stayed for as long as they could possibly allow themselves to. But when they realized the red in the distance was not the sunset but fire, they knew it was time to leave.

At the doors, Jasper looked back out one last lingering time, "Monty never arrived." He said with anguish, realizing it suddenly.

"Neither did Bellamy," Octavia said, jumping back. She'd been so preoccupied with this whole mess, as Jasper had been, she hadn't noticed.

"They still have time...right?" Jasper asked.

"Two hours. Maybe they're booking it. Maybe they're coming." Octavia said.

At the doors, they locked the main entrance and then stood in the two locked airways, letting the bunker decontaminate them. They hung their hazmats suits by the door, and opened to forever.

"Bellamy is still out there," Octavia announced.

"You don't think he's-," Indra started but Kane sent her a sharp glare.

"We should try to get him on the radio. They only had two extra hours, maybe there was a small snag somewhere? Maybe Monty went to meet them?" The hope died in Jasper's voice a little, though.

Octavia stalked into the office. She threw off her jacket, pressing some switches and pressing the talk button of the talkie so hard Jasper thought she might break it.

"Bell? Bell please, be there. Don't be dead, you fucking idiot. Please don't tell me you've gone and done something idiotic, please tell me that you're alive. Goddamn, just answer...answer Bell, Bell? Bellamy-,"

"O!" Bellamy's voice came through with a laugh and Jasper saw Octavia jump so hard he couldn't help but snort, "Wow, sibling telepathy, huh? I was just about to radio you too."

"Don't be so glib!" Octavia snarled, wiping a tear away from her eye, "Please, tell me you're only an hour away, and you've gone and taken a stupid break to pee or watch a deer or something?"

There was a long pause, "O...we...shit."

"Bellamy," Octavia leaned into the radio, "What...is...it?"

"We won't be coming back."

There was a quiet moment where Octavia just went stiff and Jasper felt his jaw unhinge.

"What?" Octavia suddenly said, "No, nooonooo, no...c'mon, that's...you can't...what are you thinking? Why are you doing this? You stupid, stupid, stupid boy!" She cried through gritted teeth, tears gathering in her eyes, "Why do you have to be the hero all the time?"

"O, we're going to be fine!" Bellamy said, "Look. Our original rover got attacked by grounders. Monty and Harper diverted and came to us-,"

"Monty's alive?" Jasper asked, "Really?"

"Jasper? Yeah, no, they're fine too. They're with us." Bellamy said, slightly side-tracked, "Anyway, we realized we'd never make it in time back. But Raven's here and there's a rocket and all of us- me, Clarke, Raven, Emori, Murphy, Harper, Monty, Echo-,"

"Echo? Are you shitting me? She's with you? Of course she's with you," Octavia muttered.

"Very long story." Bellamy said, although there was a tinge of laughter in his voice, "But the group of us, we're going up in space. We're going back to the Ark, what's left."

If Jasper thought he was shocked before, this was nothing like that. He shared frantic looks with Octavia, who just stuttered, unable to make a full sentence.

"The ark," She repeated.

"Yeah, until the earth is survivable again. Then we'll find a way back down and it will all be good. I mean, we have two of the smartest people here- Monty and Raven. We can do it." Jasper knew this tone of Bellamy's voice; he wasn't as confident as he wanted them to think.

"5 years," Octavia said slowly, straining her eyes as though she could be judging Bellamy through the radio, "Can you really survive up there?"

"Raven says we can…." Bellamy paused, "As I said, as soon as it's safe, we'll find a way back down. We will meet again." He said firmly.

Octavia thought for a second, then glanced at Jasper, rolling her eyes, then chuckled, "I'll be waiting under the floor," She joked.

Bellamy was not quite as amused, "You're not that little girl anymore." He said softly, and Jasper could imagine that her comment pained him. She clicked her tongue, and there was a long pause. She looked pale, Jasper decided. He took one of her hands, her free hand, and she sighed.

"What?" Bellamy asked cautiously.

"I'm not sure I can do this," She admitted, which Jasper could have guessed was eating her. It seemed to hit here, now that they were locked here, now that there were only 100 of Skaikru down here, "I've been chosen as leader. I can't help but feel I'm taking away this role from you and Clarke. I sometimes think it should be you and Clarke." She said after a moment.

Jasper nodded to her. He felt a little like that too. Bellamy and Clarke had ages of this under their belts, Jasper felt like he was stumbling through, and he was only second-in-command.

"No, no." Bellamy said, his voice warm, "I don't think you truly understand how incredibly amazing you are, Octavia. I was the leader of a bunch of kids, delinquents, and then a little of some of Skaikru. You're trusted by grounders and a whole lot more than I ever was in charge of. I think I'd suck at it. You gave them something they'll never forget." He said.

"Life?"

"Hope." He replied, "Well, life too." He added after a moment, "Look, you're...you're Prometheus, stealing fire from the gods and giving it back to the human race."

Jasper had no clue what Bellamy was speaking about, but Octavia seemed to know, because she gave a long scoff and rolled her eyes.

"Prometheus was chained to a rock so eagles could eat his liver. You're really making my reign feel safe."

"And you claim I say weird things," Jasper mumbled, and she waved him away, clearly to say she'd explain later.

"Thanks for ruining my metaphor." Bellamy said deadpanned. Octavia just laughed.

"Oh, I love you. I haven't said it nearly enough, but stars, I really love you." She said, half-way between laughing and crying.

"I love you too, O." Bellamy said, "Is Abby around? Clarke wants to speak to her."

"She's...uh," Octavia winced, then put her hand over the speaker, "Can we wake her? Is it possible to wake her?" She asked Jasper.

"Should be," He shrugged, "Why don't you go and tell Kane. He'll know. I want to…" he nodded to the radio."

"Oh, right." SHe said, then uncovered her hand, "Abby is, erm, doing something extremely important right now, but she'll be down soon. In the meantime, can you get Monty so Jasper can talk to him?"

"Sure. Is everyone alright down there?" He asked, "What's she doing?"

"Just...things. But yeah, now we're all good."

There was a shuffling sound, and in the background Jasper heard Bellamy yelling for Monty to 'get his ass up here' and 'there was a call for him'. Octavia handed the radio off, rubbing his head and kissing it before vanishing.

Jasper waited, holding his breath, just waiting until…

"'Yello?"

"Dude! You jerk! How dare you not tell me you were leaving me!" Jasper demanded.

"Jasper, god, it's good to hear you! You're safe, I mean, O told me that but...I couldn't leave Raven, you know? She's one of us."

Jasper thought about how he'd gone to bat for the delinquents, and while Raven hadn't been part of the 100 originally, she was still as much as them as anyone else.

"Yeah, I know." He agreed.

"So, I guess you heard we're going up to space."

"I heard," Jasper bit his lip, "You really think…?"

"it will be extremely difficult and not fun, but yeah," Monty said, "Bob's your uncle. I think if I say that one more time, Ravne will murder me."

"I think you should make it a game to see how many times you can say it within five years before she throws you out the airlock." Jasper suggested with a wicked grin on his face.

"Man, I'm going to miss my partner in crime. I wish you were here."

"I sorta do, but I'd rather be here if Octavia is here." He admitted.

"You're serious about this."

"I'm serious about everything." Jasper leaned back on the chair, "But this is different. She's serious about it too." Jasper went through the moment with Niylah, ending in Octavia's claiming of him, "I was just...I mean, it's been fun, but I wasn't trying to look ahead in case it wasn't going there. But then there was that and she asked me to be her second and-,"

"So basically, you two are like Clarke and Bellamy."

"Yes. But we fucked right away instead of basking in ever-present sexual tension."

There was a snorting laugh from Monty on the other side of the radio so violent that Jasper feared he'd started to choke.

"Well, they're going to have five years up in rocket with nothing to do but fuck, so who knows. If they don't get together then, they ain't never going to." Monty said, "But in all seriousness, I hope you two work out. Not just in that sense, but like, oh, I don't know what I'm saying."

"I mean, it would suck to break up when we're confided together in a bunker, but no worse than breaking up on the Ark." Jasper pointed out, "I dunno if we're that kind of people, though."

There was a knock at the door. Abby was up, albeit she looked groggy, confused, and most of all sad. Jasper understood. She'd awoken to find out 300 of her people were going to die soon, and she hadn't been able to say goodbye at all.

Selfishly, Jasper wanted to send her away. Stay talking to Monty longer, forever. He didn't want to say bye to his best friend.

"Abby's here," He said after a long moment of indecision. Everyone should get a chance to talk to loved ones, "Hey, you think you can make a radio up there down to here?"

"I will do all I can. If I don't talk to you for more than a month, I go crazy." Monty said, "Love you buddy. Good luck down there."

"Love you too. Good luck up there. Tell Clarke her mom's here." He said, handing the radio off.

He exited, sucking in something that felt like tears. He pressed the palms of his hands to his eye sockets.

"It will be tough," Octavia whispered, "I know."

"You need a bell," Jasper said, jumping around, "Can't just sneak up on me like that…"

"You okay?"

"Are you?" He countered.

Octavia shrugged, "Let's admit neither of us are with this." She said, "Are you man enough to do that?" She teased.

"Of course." He sighed, feeling his shoulders collapse, "I'm really, really gunna miss him."

"At least he's alive. And he'll be back here." Octavia said confidently.

"You really believe that they'll not only make it up there, but survive for five years, and find a way down?" Jasper asked.

"You don't?"

"I'm a scientist. I don't have blind faith. I have statistics." Jasper winced, "I wish I could be as-," He almost said naive, but then rethought it, for he was truly angry at the situation and didn't mean to demean Octavia, "-relentlessly optimistic." He opted for.

Octavia tilted her head, pulling her lips and smiling, "You begin to believe in a great many things after a while. I'm surprised the romantic between the two of us isn't more like that." She admitted, "C'mon, it's all said and done. By Kane's account, we have maybe an hour until Priamfaya hits here. It's already hit Arkadia."

"May they rest peacefully," Jasper murmured, imagining the bodies of Riley and all the others who just couldn't imagine another day, burning.

"Octavia, what now?" Indra asked, coming up and bowing her head, "Should we begin on preparations to survive?"

Octavia saw Kane edging around the bowl, and Jaha slinking somewhere, and Abby coming out of the office with tears in her eyes.

"Still an hour until Priamfaya?" Octavia asked Kane, who jumped at her question, surprised to hear her call to him.

"A little less, maybe. It's coming fast."

"And the doors, they're all closed up for good?" Octavia asked.

"Yes, we just finished that," Jaha broke in, "We're sealed up, for better or worse."

"Then...we will wait to do anything until it passes." Octavia decided, "I'm certain about many things," She said and Jasper snorted and pretend to sneeze to cover it. Octavia shot him a quick eye-roll, "But of this, I'm not. That this bunker is sealed and foolproof. If we are all wrong, and only have 50 minutes left, I'd rather be alone with…" She paused. She side-glanced Jasper, bottling up again.

"I think you've made your intentions him very obvious," Kane said, "With someone you care about…" He finished, and Octavia didn't repeat it, but nodded.

"As should everyone…" Octavia prompted to the small council gathered, "When it has passed and we're still alive, then I will start leading. Then, we will begin." She declared.

"I will see you after this, we will live," Indra said, allowing it. Despite her confident tone, perhaps the idea of spending time with Gaia was too much to pass up, "I will tell everyone else you are...planning. I wouldn't want a panic." She decided.

Octavia paused, "You don't think I'm wrong to do this," She asked after a second, "That maybe I should be somewhere else…?"

"I think it is acceptable for you to be selfish for this hour," Indra said, then smirked, "Because Pramheda knows you won't be so for a very long time once we start."

"C'mon, let's go then." Jasper said, nudging her away. Once in their little corner, he clicked his tongue.

"So…"

"What?" Octavia asked, turning.

"Well, if it might be the end of the world, isn't there something you'd like to do, preferable with me?" He asked, "And if it isn't, I hear it's a great stress reliever."

Octavia stared at him for a long second before laughing, "My mother always warned me boys are only after one thing!" She chortled, and when Jasper opened his mouth to further argue his point, she stopped him, grabbing onto his jacket and kissing him, "But luckily, it seems I am too." She continued with a wicked glint in her eyes.

"Stars, I'm lucky," Jasper grinned.

"Don't you ever forget it," Octavia agreed. She went to climb on top of him, but Jasper pushed her back down.

"You're in charge all the time, and will be from now on. Let me be in charge of this," He asked, grabbing her wrists and placing them above her head, "Don't even think about anything except this." He whispered.

And, Octavia didn't, despite desperately wanting to prove him wrong. When Jasper set his mind to making the world melt away, he didn't half-ass anything.

Afterwards, the room was lit by the little lights hanging around they'd pilfered from the cabin, attached to the cord attached to the solar generator outside.

"If it survives, Priamfaya will keep us going for months," Jasper joked, staring at the cord that vanished into the ceiling.

"If we start talking about anything outside this room, it will never stop. So we don't until we leave, 'kay?" Octava said, burying her face into her pillow. She paused, "Do you think this place is safe?"

"I do. I don't think Monty would endorse anywhere that wasn't." Jasper said, "I think we'll be okay."

"If we're not…" Octavia frowned, sitting up, the blankets pooling around her waist, "I just want to say I-,"

"Don't say things you don't mean just because you think you're going to die," Jasper cut her off, "I said 'I love you' to Maya after what, a week? Two weeks? Time just...poofed away in there."

"You meant it, didn't you, though?"

Jasper considered it thoroughly, "I think I think I did." He said, cagey, "I love her, but I can't say I know for sure, looking back, I loved her." He said empathetically, "Like this," He said, "Just for now."

"You cared about her, but you might not have been to love."

"It felt like it," Jasper said.

"Then why couldn't it have been?"

"I guess...I just always thought you only really fall in love once. And if I gave it to her, then what are we?"

Octavia laughed, "That's bullshit. It would be an awful world if people couldn't give love to more than one. I loved Lincoln, and I love you." She said, running her fingers over his arms, "I'm not in love, yet, possibly, but I know I love you. That's what I was going to say, and it's true. I wouldn't regret it. I've always loved you." She said, "In the way I love Clarke or Raven or Monty, and maybe you're a little different, but I care for you, and I'm here." She said, "It means so much more that we're alone." She looked up, "And I'm not just saying it because Monty and Bell are gone, I'm saying it because I really do mean it and I don't think in this place people say it nearly enough."

"I care for you too," He said, "One of many. Not many people care for me but you."

"You're one of the only that matters." Octavia said, "If I had to choose between everyone in the world and you, I'd choose you."

"You can't mean that."

"I do," Octavia says, "Because I don't trust anyone else. I trust you. And I like being around you. You're funny and kind and inquisitive and smarter than I ever was but that's good because you need someone like me around to kick ass every once in awhile."

"You don't have to convince me all the reasons we work, I already know," Jasper said.

"I'm just saying…" Octavia let out a long breath, "I'd bet on you and me to survive this, even if we had to do it alone."

Jasper counted the freckles on Octavia's face. Far away, you couldn't really tell she had them. But here, inches away, it was like a whole constellation was there. He let his eyes connect the dots, making shapes and figures.

"I love you too," He said, his voice quivering after a moment, "I want to believe you're right."

"I can't replace Maya, I don't want to . I want us together to be different entities than our former loves. I want to prove to you that it can be more than one because we are different and so it's not even the same." Octavia said.

"Okay," Jasper agreed, "I'll see."

This was as far as he was going to go with that today, his mind told him.

"The room is getting hotter," Octavia whispered, "I guess that means…"

"Yeah."

"Hold me?" She asked, voice quivering and small. It seemed to echo around the room and for one singular moment, everything was just...silent. There was no noise Jasper could hear outside the little space, not even their own breaths, just...absolutely nothing. And he thought maybe that was the end, maybe death was just silence? But then, the bed creaked and it felt like such a relief that Jasper couldn't do more than nod vigorously, because he understood that look in her eyes. Jasper obliged, but she wrapped her arms around him too, digging her fingers into his hair. She sniffled, and for a second, he was sure that she thought they were going to die. Or maybe she was mourning everything above them, burning and crisping and falling to ash on the ground in a horrifying show of undulating fire.

The room grew hotter and hotter by the second and every second passing, Jasper was sure the next thing he'd feel was nothing at all, or see just whiteness and heat and it would all be over.

And, it never came.

But they waited a long time, until the temperature cooled down and when they finally looked up, they both had ridiculously big grins on their faces.

"We're alive," Jasper said breathlessly, although he'd been laying down the whole time, he was out of air completely.

Octavia kissed him again, kissed him all over. "We're alive," She was murmuring, "Holy stars, we are alive." She looked up, eyes wide, "I really didn't think we would be." She said honestly.

"What now?"

"Now, I have to address everyone, now that this is real." Octavia said, "For a second, truly, I didn't think it was."

Jasper pulled his things back on, following her out. It seemed everyone had come to the same conclusion, because people were milling, gathering in the bowl and the rails around it. The area was packed. By the time Octavia had arrived, Jasper wouldn't have been shocked if the majority of the group was waiting now.

Indra nodded to her, and helped her onto a high point near the edge of the bowl.

"Speeechhhh," Jasper hissed from under her, and she sent him a deadly look, "Speeeechhh," He teased a little louder.

"Speeech, speech, speech-," The group began to chant, and Octavia sent him a withering 'look what you've done now' sort of look, since she had told him many times public speaking was not her forte.

"Lead them, Octavia." Indra said helpfully, pressing a hand to her shoulder, "You need to." She agreed, nodding to Jasper, although it had started in jest for him. Octavia squared her shoulders, and nodded. She gazed out, opening her mouth.

"Wow...so, we've made it." SHe said after a moment, laughing, the nodding, "Right. This is it.  
We are all that remains of the human race. I won't lie to you. The next 5 years won't be easy. There will be days when we wish we were out there right now, but I promise you, if we stand together, if we are wonkru, then," And then she spoke something in grounder, something that had everyone nodding in agreement, grinning, repeating it.

"From the ashes, we will rise," Indra translated to Jasper, who must have had a look of utmost confusion his face.

"Guess i need to really learn the language," Jasper said, face reddening, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Quite," Indra agreed, a very 'you think' tone to her voice.

The people cheered and Indra climbed onto the the pedestal next to Octavia.

"The time of the flame has passed," She announced, "But she is still our Heda, and she will continue to serve us well! Some traditions can never die," Indra said and there was a spattering of clapping. From her palm, she revealed a tiny head-button. Jasper recognized it as Lexa's.

Octavia instinctively knelt, allowing Indra to press it to her forehead.

"I give you your leader, Octavia kom Wonkru," Indra said, "May your reign be prosperous and your heart be merciful." She said. Most the grounders in the group echoed her sentiments.

"Hot," Jasper grinned under his breath. Octavia truly took his breath away. He always did like a strong woman. Octavia heard him, and gave him a happy smile. She winked, before turning back.

"To begin, first I would like each of you to elect a spokesperson for the 100 of you that remain. Send them to the office. I would like that spokesman to tally all the skills within their group, so we can easily figure out where you are going to be best used to survive. And…"

Jasper spaced out a little, watching Octavia begin to lead, make choices. It was exhilarating watching her, she had the natural spark, just like her brother. But then again, people were arguing he did too. He wasn't sure on that yet, but they had five years for him to figure it out.

"Jas?" Octavia said, nudging him, He realized he'd zoned out so much that everyone had dissipated, to begin the jobs she'd dolled out.

"So...what now?" He asked, cracking his knuckles, "Figure out how to survive this?" He asked.

"No," Octavia said, completely seriously, "I promised you more. We figure out how to thrive and love and mourn and laugh."

Jasper chuckled, understanding, "We figure out how to live."

She smiled, looking just as she did the day she took her first step onto the ground, so far away, yet close enough to grasp, "I did promise you that? Didn't I?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we are...the end. Wow.
> 
> I had a sequel planned, about their life in the bunker, but with it so soon to the release of the new season IDK. I might just re-write the episodes as though Jasper/Octavia were together. Yea or nay? But, I LOVE the the trailers. I just cannot wait. However, I will be forever sad they killed Jasper. I keep forgetting he's dead :( JRoth did say that they weren't going to be forgetting his memory anytime soon, though, so I'm happy about that. And, someone noticed that Clarke is wearing Jasper's googles in one scene which actually made me tear up a little.
> 
> SO! Notes on this last chapter, in case you're wondering about my choices about things.
> 
> -Jasper as marksmen! I mean, he was pretty good in Season 1 and then it was just never...brought up...again
> 
> -I redid Clarke's list. I get it, but it sorta sucked, her list and I'm surprised they used it in the end, tbh.
> 
> -Jasper made peace with Clarke's choices to kill people in Mt. Weather because now he's doing the same. If they had done something like this, I feel like his arc would have been so much more meaningful, you know? To still mourn and be upset Maya died, but to feel the choices
> 
> -The sunset scene was one I had planned for awhile. I just thought there needed to be something like that.
> 
> -Also, a scene where the dead was respected. I feel like that would have been important for Jasper to do, to acknowledge those he chose to leave behind and all.
> 
> -I also made Jasper a leader, which they should have continued with a LONG TIME AGO. I mean, even if he became a leader because of circumstance, didn't Bell and Clarke do that too? Plus, a huge part of this story is not just O as a leader but as Jasper as her co-leader.
> 
> -the part where O saves Jasper from choosing who dies, that's the moment that started it all. This whole fanfic. And, the 'third part' of the three big changes I made. I remember watching that episode and thinking 'If Jasper was down here, would Octavia save him? I think she would' and...bam fanfic.
> 
> -Jasper has authority issues, which I think is an interesting plot line since he now is a leader too
> 
> -I changed parts of Jaha's speech. I like mine better.
> 
> -I had Jasper choose the dead because I feel like that was the final step in him becoming a leader AND being treated as an adult.
> 
> So, yeah.
> 
> If you guys like Jactavia and need more, I'd tell ya to check out my other story- Project Iphigenia. It's mainly Bellarke but the two other secondary couples in it are Jactavia and Murven and both of those get chapters devoted to their storyline as a couple instead of a side note. If you already DO read it, I promise a new chapter will be up soon!
> 
> Lastly, NOTE FOR LURKERS: What is a lurker? Those people that read faithfully, have this story Favorited or alerted, but never once have left a review. Leave a review here, now. Why? Firstly, this is the last chapter, and don't you want to tell me what you thought, if not of just this, but the whole story? Secondly, I do deserve it- I've written 100 pages, and never really cared that you did or didn't review, as long as people read. Now do something for me and review it. Don't know what to review? Here's some stuff that you could...
> 
> *Favorite part of the whole story
> 
> *Scenes you might like to see if there's a sequel
> 
> *Literally anything. Like, just some small signal that this story is reaching people...
> 
> Now you don't have to answer these questions. But I've heard often from people that the reason they don't review is that they don't know what to write. I'm giving you something to write, but of course feel free to write other things if your little heart so desires it.
> 
> To those that have always reviewed, I can't tell you how happy you all make me.
> 
> I can't believe it's done and I hope you are all as happy as this story has made me :)
> 
> For the last time, read and review (especially the lurkers!)!

**Author's Note:**

> So, already, we have a little bit of healing. But they're a VERY long way from fixing anything, clearly.
> 
> My plan is to update every 5 days, since every week just seemed to far time in between since I already have the thing finished, and five days seems right. I have other plans after this story specifically! I sorta plan for this to be a group of my own in-universe AUs. There's this, which is very formulaic in the way I wrote it, and goes up until the end of season 4, so it's all drawing from source material. Then, after this will be a longer mutli-chap Jactavia that's all original ideas about the five/six years in the bunker. Also in the universe is a Murven 5/6 years on the Ark, with a shorter one-shot before that getting to it. I might also do a short Bellarke in this universe, but idk, we'll see.
> 
> So please review if you liked this! I know it's sorta a rare-pair but I know you're all out there and it would mean the world to me if you showed me you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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